QuestionHi PatG,
I am married for many years and have 2 children. I have had serious side effects from all kinds of birth control some so severe that I ended up spending time in hospital. My husband and I have been very careful but this morning a home test has shown us a positive, Could this be wrong? I am in Brazil where abortion is not legal and we can not have another child. Do you have any suggestions for me please? If we are expecting I can not be more than 3-4 weeks if that much.
Desperate please help.
AnswerHello, Aunty,
Birth control is actually very dangerous. Most people don't think so, but you already know how dangerous it is. Your body is very sensitive.
Abortion is far, FAR more dangerous than contraception! If you reacted by landing in the hospital as a result of taking birth control, think of how you will react if you have an abortion. Abortion is a HUGE assault on a woman's body. We weren't designed for it. We were designed to protect our children, and the only way any kind of abortion can be done is by harming our body in a serious way. Abortion can cause you to develop an auto-immune disease such as lupus or rheumatoid arthritis, or some other disabling condition. There are many different kinds of auto-immune disease. Abortion can KILL you. It can deprive your two children of a mother. Do you have the money to pay for medical care if you have a complication? It can be VERY expensive!
Brazil is one of the few countries in the world that protects its women from abortion and abortionists. Women deserve and need protection from abortion. What that also means is that there would probably be a black market on abortions, and you could easily get some kind of treatment which is a total sham, some other drug, or whatever, and have a dangerous reaction to that! Not only that, but an attempt to have an abortion could result in failure, and instead, you could cause harm to your child, who will then be born with a serious birth defect. I am getting a lot of reports about this out of Brazil. The methods they are using are resulting in failure to have an abortion, and horrible birth defects instead, such as microcephaly with severe mental retardation, paralysis of facial muscles so a child cannot smile, and foreshortened limbs (arms and legs don't finish growing). If anyone has told you abortion is safe, they are outright LYING to you. They might also tell you that your child is just a blob of cells. That's another lie. Your child already has a heartbeat, and brain waves. If it has been 4 weeks since you think you conceived, your child already has eyes and fingers.
You haven't told me why you cannot have another child. Is it that you don't want to start over with an infant? Is there some medical reason? How old are you? If you can conceive, obviously you CAN have a child. It is common for women to feel they absolutely do not want to be pregnant. This is caused by hormones. By the fourth month, this feeling starts to fade and women start to anticipate the birth of their child with eagerness. You need to give yourself a chance. Don't let your fickle hormones cause you to make a decision you will regret for the rest of your life. Many women have told me, "not a day goes by that I don't think of my child." The regrets are deep and piercing. Some women suffer such emotional damage that they commit suicide. About six times as many will commit suicide as would have if they had carried the baby to term. Women abuse themselves after abortion, or experience eating or sleep disorders. I have personally experienced the horrible, horrible nightmares that a woman can experience after abortion, and I wouldn't wish those off on my worst enemy. An abortion can destroy a marriage. Other children of the marriage will also react emotionally, even if they don't specifically know their mother had an abortion. They become insecure, or develop survivor's guilt, or they think that if they don't meet their parents' expectations, their parents will do away with them as well. Your children deserve to know and love their sibling.
If you really do not want to raise a child, choose adoption. I would be surprised if you don't change your mind. Having a child when a woman is older helps keep her young, and is very beneficial for her health.
In the future, you can learn how to tell when you are fertile, and avoid sex when you are. It is totally safe, and it is the MOST reliable method. You have to chart faithfully. For more information, please go to this web site:
http://www.fertilityuk.org/
Right now, you are probably feeling panic. People don't make good decisions when they are experiencing such fear. You should calm down and give this some serious thought. Consider the possibility of having a child. What are the good things? One of the good things is that you have two children to help you take care of the baby. What are the bad things? Are those things so overwhelming that you would do that kind of damage to yourself?
I will see if I can find an organization near you that can provide you with information, counseling, and help. In the meantime, you can go to any church and ask them where there is such an organization near you. If I find one, I will write again and let you know.
Your husband should insist that you protect yourself. This is his child, too, and it is his responsibility to protect his child. This child is the result of your love, and is a gift from God. Your child is made in God's image, and God intends your child to live and be a blessing to you. Whenever we harm one of God's children, there are consequences.
Please do not even consider abortion. You deserve better. So does your family. You are needed. Please do not harm yourself. Please keep yourself safe. I will be here any time you need to talk, no matter what. I will be praying for you. Let me know what happens.
