Incorporating bodybuilding into my lifestyle has been one of the
best decisions I ever made. My early childhood was marred by the
trauma of sexual abuse. Although these memories were repressed
until just a few years ago, I spent most of my life suffering
from all the classical symptoms of abuse: low self-esteem, low
self-confidence, phobias, obsessive-compulsive behavior, and
depression.
The cycle of abuse continued through my adolescence when, at age
16, I entered into an eight year abusive marriage. I endured
daily emotional and verbal abuse, threats, and intimidation. My
self-esteem continued to plummet and at age 24, when I finally
divorced my husband, I was a physical and emotional wreck. I had
never practiced a healthy lifestyle, had no self-respect, and
the stress of my lifelong abuse had taken its toll. At 24 years
old I weighed 97 pounds, was having daily chest pains, heart
palpitations, panic attacks, and insomnia. I also suffered from
TMJ Syndrome due to stress. My doctors advised me to begin an
exercise program before my condition worsened.
I reluctantly began aerobics and then incorporated a mild
strength-training program. I immediately noticed the physical
and mental benefits of exercise. At that point in my life,
toning and building muscle was not my goal. I needed an outlet
for stress and an increased energy level. However, it didn’t
take long for me to develop an interest in nutrition, building
muscle, and possibly competing. My self-esteem and general
outlook on life improved tremendously as I continued my
workouts.
In January 1998, at age 34, I took my love of the sport one step
further. I hired a professional bodybuilder to train me for the
upcoming Belding Natural Classic Bodybuilding show in Belding,
Michigan. Due to the abuse I suffered, I have always had a
terrible self-image. Even though I never had a weight problem, I
have always been very embarrassed of my body. Competing was
something I never thought I could do, because of this hang up.
At a petite 5′ 2″, I am not genetically gifted with good
muscular development. However, I trained hard, was very
dedicated to my diet, and did exactly what I was told me to do.
I felt a lot of anxiety on April 11, 1998 when I stepped on
stage in just a posing suit. Most of my competitors had better
muscle development and had been training much longer than me.
(Normally, that would have sent my confidence right out the
window.) However, my routine was graceful and my poses weren’t
bad either! The audience was very supportive and my
self-confidence soared. I won a medal that day.
In my mind, I accomplished everything I set out to do. I gained
valuable experience and many of my fears and hang-ups were
conquered. I have never felt such confidence, satisfaction, and
pride in myself. I have come a long way over the years and
achieved many goals, but that contest changed my life
tremendously. It is difficult to put into words, but I have not
felt the same since that day.
Over the years my family and friends have noticed the positive
change in my health, attitude, and self-confidence. I have taken
other steps to improve in those areas and to heal from my past.
However, bodybuilding has been the one thing that has made the
biggest difference in my life. It has made so much difference
that I became a certified personal trainer. Through my new
business, Trinity Coaching Services, I now combine fitness
training and personal development coaching to help others reap
the benefits of a healthy lifestyle. I have continued to compete
once or twice a year, simply because it is vital for my
self-esteem.
© 2000 By Monique Rider