QuestionHi there. I hope that you won't consider this question off topic, and you will take the time to share your thoughts with me.
I am very pro-choice. I have been since I was fourteen. I feel very strongly that if women do not have the right to chooose, they can never be equal. And I am a big time feminist. Anyway, I got into a discussion with this christian woman at my work who is VERY anti abortion. And she confirmed what I have always suspected, by saying that the main reason she is against birth control and abortion, is because she believes in the teachings of the bible, and that certain roles are assigned to men, and certain roles assigned to women. And our "role" is defer to our husbands, make a nice home for him and our children etc. In other words, a woman who chooses not to get married and have children, is defying "god's law".
She also said that women are supossed to be submissive, always polite, always selfless, do what their husbands tell them etc. I looked, and that IS in the bible. But I just don't agree with it.
I was raised in a strict christian household myslef, and always felt bad because I didn't live up to that standard. I don't like wearing skirts or dresses(the bible says we are supossed to) and I hate wearing make-up. And to be honest Danielle, I don't WANT to get married or have children. I use birth control and I had an abortion at the age of sixteen. I have never regretted it. I hear women talk about their fantasies of getting married and having babies, and can't relate. I like horror movies/books, am into politics, and want a career in business. I am more the stereotypical guy.
Anyway, what are your thoughts on this? I have heard other pro-choice people say that the "saving babies" thing is just a smokescreen, and it is really about keeping us "in our place". And she basically confirmed that for me. What better way to keep women from succeeding, than to keep them barefoot and pregnant basically? They want it so that women have no choice but to follow their beliefs, and live life according to their rules, whether they agree or not. That doesn't seem fair. She did say that the husband and wife ARE equal, but that he just is the boss so to speak. He should consider her opinion and everything, but he is the final decision maker. That was confusing to me, because it doesn't sound like equality. I am assuming you are a feminist too, and will understand what I am saying. This all really does tie into the abortion debate, because in my opinion it is all about men having control over our bodies and our lives. Thanks.
Sabrina
AnswerHi Sabrina :)
Well, for starters, the bible never explicitly states anything about abortion, and, like homosexuality in the bible, is completely up for interpretation depending on the reader and the version. And just because something's in the bible doesn't make it right. If that's what she believes, ok, but that doesn't mean all women have to act accordingly. Abortion was a known practice at the time of the bible, yet there is no mention of women ending pregnancies. Complete silence on the subject, yet knowledge of its occurrence. The closest the bible comes is by saying murderers should receive capital punishment, but hurting a pregnant woman, with the result being the loss of the pregnancy, is not murder, and the punishment is not death. If birth control and abortion are against her beliefs, fine, but they're crucial to the health, safety, and prosperity of many, many women, AND men. having children because it's "god's law" is just not good enough for me. When children are born to women who want them, I beleive that is great, and ensures them to a great start. When they are born to women who don't want them, I beleive it does not benefit either. It can go well, but all children should be wanted, in my opinion, to ensure the best for them and their mother. Unwanted chidlren face a disadvantage, but by no means am I saying they're raised horribly and end up badly in life. Just that a good start would be ideal.
I'm sorry, this response is turning into a novel!
Not liking skirts, dresses, makeup, not wanting children or a marriage isn't abnormal, like some would like you to believe. It's just that there are women who do want children, women who aren't sure, and women who don't. And women who don't, or are undecided and unready, shouldn't have to bring a child into this world they don't want-who does that work out for? Your use of birth control, and an abortion at 16 are measures of taking responsibility. You're making sure an unwanted child isn't born, and most importantly, by far, that you get to live the life YOU want to.
And yes, I'm certainly a feminist. How can a marriage be equal if the husband gets the final say? An equal relationship, in my opinion, is working on decisions together, compromise if necessary, and come to a decision you both agree on. And yes, it is about men having control, and it's not fair. Margaret Sanger, who pioneered for scientific birth control, once said that if women do not have control over their bodies, and whether they do or don't become mothers, are not free, and I'm inclined to agree. I think it all comes down to women having control, and that really, really gets sexist people. Birth control and abortion ensure us control over our fertility like men already have. When the birth control pill came out, it was called an "equalizer". Women can have sex without the consequence of pregnancy. But for people who think the only thing women are good for are bearing children, this doesn't mesh.
I apologize agsin for the length of this, but this kind of stuff really gets me going. It all comes down to what's good for YOU and what YOU want. I mean, with 98% of women using birth control at some point in their lives, and 1 million abortions performed legally in the U.S. each year, it goes to show that it's certainly not going anywhere.
