QuestionHI,
Am 26 yrs old working girl.Am in a Live-in relation since past few years. But around an year back i met this guy in my office, with whom i fell in love.
Now am in difficult situation. How can u handle this. i have to choose either on e of them. Please suggest.
AnswerHi, radha,
First of all, you aren't a "girl", you are a woman. Make decisions like a woman: rationally, and with your future in mind.
I have no idea about either of these men. You haven't told me any details about them at all.
But I may be able to give you some information you will find helpful.
"Falling in love" usually means an emotional thing, a sort of infatuation, a sexual attraction. It is too bad that English doesn't have different words for "love" like Greek does. In Greek, the kind of emotion you are experiencing is most likely "eros". "Eros" is romantic love, a physical attraction. Other words include "philios", which means "brotherly love". And "agape" (ah GAH peh), which means self-sacrificing love.
"Agape" is not an emotion, but a decision. It is the decision to put the other person's needs ahead of your own. It is the decision to cherish that person.
Which of these two men has "agape" toward you? If the man you live with has sex with you, he doesn't have "agape". He has "eros". If he had "agape", he would have asked you to marry him. He would have refused to have sex with you unless you were married.
What about the man at work? Has he approached you at all? Do you see the possibility that he will cherish you? Which one will you make the decision to cherish? You deserve a man who will protect you from harm while you are not married, and that means, no sex, because sex causes pregnancy and can infect a woman with a nasty disease. Sex belongs in marriage.
Most probably, the arrangement with your live-in is mutually beneficial to both of you from an economic standpoint. So that may well color your decision. But the man at work may have asked you to move in with him as well. If you have been having sex with your live-in, you have an opportunity to establish a better relationship with the other man. But you should have a talk with your live-in. Is he willing to cherish you from this point forward? Will he protect you from this point forward? Will he agree to stop putting you at risk? Will he agree to stop putting you at risk? If he hasn't been having sex with you, maybe he would be a good person to marry. I am sure that you are waiting for him to ask you. But as long as he has everything he wants, including access to your body, he isn't going to ask. You won't have the kind of security you really deserve. If you simply choose the other man, your live-in will think that you betrayed him. Word may get around that you aren't faithful. You don't owe him your faithfulness, however, unless you are married. And he doesn't owe you his faithfulness, either, and could equally abandon you.
If I were in your shoes, and he has been having sex with you, I think I'd tell him that you have decided to stop having sex until you are married. See how he reacts. You have a lot invested with this man already, since you have lived with him for a few years. You don't know the other man like you do this one. So look at the situation from the standpoint of whether or not he cherishes you. Does he protect you from the harm of sex outside of marriage? I'm not talking about using condoms or anything like that. Condoms don't work anyway.
If you are letting your live-in have free access to your body, you are threatening your own future. You are also threatening your future children, because you may become pregnant. At that point, you would be facing unmarried motherhood or abortion. Neither is good for your future children. Abortion kills the one you would be pregnant with, and it can harm children you bear after that as well. Without a solid marriage, a child whom you choose to protect will lack a committed father, and there will be lower income.
Has the other man approached you at all? Do you think that maybe he will cherish you, and seek to protect you? Might he make a good husband? Which of the two do you think will make a better husband and father? In the future, failure to answer these questions will lead to heartbreak for you.
You can turn over a new leaf in your life. Choose to embrace secondary virginity. This is when you stop having sex, and live a chaste life until marriage. If you have been having sex, you can do this.
I hope this has helped. Let me know. Feel free to write to me any time, and please take care of yourself!
