QuestionQUESTION: Hello,
Im not quite sure how to go about asking you so I will just tell you the situation and maybe you can help me figure out what is going on.
I recieved an abortion Dec. 6th and immediatley went on birth control Dec. 7th. I bled for about two weeks then the bleeding stopped.overall it has been about 3 weeks and a couple of days since the abortion. I took all of my birth control pills accuratley and i am currently now on the last two placebo pills.
a couple of days ago me and my partner had unprotected sex. [i figured it would be ok because i thought my body had fully healed and i was on birth control.] right afterwards i started to bleed again. would you be able to tell my why i started bleeding? is this my period or is it because my body wasnt fully heald yet? I havent gotten my period yet since the abortion.. and should i run out and get Plan B or am i protected since its been about a month on the pill?i am so confused, andy advice would b helpful.thanx
ANSWER: Hello, Tameka,
From what you told me, apparently you started bleeding a couple of days after you started taking the placebo pills. If that is the case, this would be the start of your period.
Plan B is dangerous medication. You are suggesting that you should take this medication just in case. You don't even know if the occasion warrants it. While it seems to me that you obviously want to avoid having another abortion, please know that Plan B is often an early abortion anyway, and would be in your case since it's been a couple of days since you had sex. Because the medication is dangerous, it's no safer than any other abortion. They may tell you that because a baby hasn't implanted yet, you're not pregnant, so it's not an abortion, but in reality, a woman becomes pregnant when fertilization begins. During the time it takes the baby to move through the Fallopian tube into the uterus, he or she bumps into the wall of the tube, and hormonal messages are exchanged. This is what stops a woman's period.
Taking Plan B on top of taking birth control pills could have some serious medical repercussions. You should never self-medicate, but only take a powerful medication under the guidance of a doctor. Among the side effects of Plan B are nausea, vomiting, abdominal pain, fatigue, headache, dizziness, and breast tenderness. Because of the nature of the medication, it may be risky for a woman who has heart or circulatory problems, blood clots, stroke, or migraines. As is usually the case with these newer medications, the full extent of the risk won't be known for several years.
Regardless, given the facts as you have given them to me, it is unlikely you ovulated on the day you had sex. It's not impossible, just unlikely.
The medical care you have been receiving is highly questionable. First, you were given an abortion, which is unethical, and has long-term consequences, including making you much more at risk from breast cancer, and threatening your future children with birth defects. Then you were given birth control, which also carries risk. Please find a decent doctor who will work with you to get you back to some semblance of normality. Please also consider a change in lifestyle. It's not fair for you to have to subject yourself to these kinds of risks. You deserve better. Sex is not only intended to make babies, but also has deeper meaning, which a person who is not married will probably never experience. If your partner truly cares for you, he won't want to put you at risk anymore, and if he doesn't, you deserve someone better. So please have a talk with him. See where he stands. If he had exerted any kind of subtle pressure on you to have the abortion in the first place, such as an emotional pulling away, or any kind of threats, you deserve better anyway.
The bottom line is that I can't guarantee you are not at risk for pregnancy, but I consider it unlikely. But looking at your long term health, you really need to stop taking these kinds of risks. While pregnancy is fairly "easy" to solve, sexually transmitted diseases are not, and when you have an abortion or use birth control, you greatly increase your risk of catching one, and can even get one from the abortion itself. This is because it is common for abortionists to re-use disposable instruments or to fail to sterilize instruments properly. Plan B could also put you at greater risk as well. The result is that you really should get tested for sexually transmitted diseases and other infections. Also, please be aware that common forms of "protection" are prone to failure, so they really don't work in the long run, either.
Please keep in touch and let me know what happens, and please take care of yourself and stay safe.
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QUESTION: thank you for all of your helpful information. it feels good to know that someone out there cares enough to help me.i hav ebeen searching the internet for answers but obviously know one can really tell me wats wrong besides a doctor.im 19 years old and in school..and this has done some physical and emotional damage on me.i really would just like everything to go back to normal. i feel "trapped". like this pain is never going to go away. i feel bad about the abortion as well as me jus tnot feeling like im making my partner happy.i want to do the right thing but most of all i would like to get my health back to normal.i decided not to take planB because i really dont think i am pregnant but have of me thinks i might be again.but until i have signs of it i cant confirm it. so thank you once agian and i will keep in touch.
AnswerHello, Tameka,
You are very welcome. I do care, very deeply, and I will do my best to be here for you, and we can talk any time. Your state of mind can have a huge influence on how you feel physically.
The thing to consider about your partner is that he is in charge of whether or not he's happy. You can try to do things to "make him happy" but unless he wants to be happy, it won't work. Having sex creates pleasure hormones, so that's why a lot of guys pursue having sex. But they can get the same pleasure hormones from working out, and they don't endanger anyone else.
A lot of women don't really understand how male sexuality works, at least not until they have been with a man for a number of years. When we have sex, our bodies give off a hormone that causes bonding. Men don't have this hormone. They can choose to cherish their partner, but it has to be a conscious choice. For women, it happens naturally.
True love isn't an emotion. The emotion we commonly think of as love is really erotic attraction. True love is a decision to cherish the other person and put his needs ahead of your own. You have done this for your partner. It caused you to decide to do something that represented a very deep attack on yourself. How much he influenced you, I don't know. It's always possible that you chose to do these things to "keep him happy" and you did it from your perspective, not truly knowing where he stood, unless he was being emotionally abusive toward you. If he was, then you don't owe him a thing. It is highly likely he hasn't made the decision to cherish you, because if he had, he would have objected to you getting an abortion, and would have been supportive. Naturally, guys tend to run scared in the face of a pregnancy that they didn't expect and aren't prepared for, but speaking as the mother of two sons who had children out of wedlock, I can tell you that if a man is really ready to be a man, he will own up to his responsibility and do his best to meet the needs of everyone concerned, and he doesn't really even have to struggle with it. But their failure to restrict their sexual activity to someone they judged worthy of them made it more difficult.
This is why some kind of commitment is so vitally important before you give yourself to someone. Since bonding doesn't occur as the result of a hormone in a male, he needs to make that commitment, and it needs to mean something. The usual way is marriage. Marriage can include common law marriage. In this case, the couple meets before a gathering of friends, makes a commitment to each other in front of them, and then there is a celebration. While common law marriage is not legally recognized in many of the states (perhaps not in any), it is a valid way to make a commitment, and differs from living together because in that case there is no commitment and no public promises. Statutory marriage is the usual way people make this public commitment, but like I said, any public commitment before witnesses serves the same purpose. If you haven't achieved this kind of commitment with your partner, you're selling yourself short, and giving him something he's not entitled to have.
I am sensing that the abortion caused you considerable trauma, and has also resulted in some physical harm. I encourage you to talk about that with me. Leave a private message if you want.
In the meantime, I again encourage you to have a talk with him. I encourage you to tell him that before you will proceed with any more sexual activity, you expect a commitment. If you don't feel he'd make a good husband or father, then I encourage you to break up with him and find someone else. It won't be easy emotionally, because of the bond you have. But you are keeping yourself unavailable for someone who is truly worthy of you.
Please know that emotional healing from abortion is possible. If you would like to get into that, please let me know. Also, I can help you find a program that specifically meets the emotional needs of an abortion-experienced woman. They are usually run by women who have experienced abortion themselves, and they can be very helpful.
You will be in my prayers. Take care.
