QuestionQUESTION: I'm 16 and I'm pregnant.
my boyfriend and i are the only ones how know about the baby.
he said to me he will stand my me with whatever i choose to do.
i have been thinking about having an abortion but i don't now if i could kill the baby. the baby has never done anything to me.
also i have always said i would keep the baby with no matter, but i was said i would never get pregnant at my age.
can you help me??
ANSWER: Hello, sarah,
You are aware that abortion kills the baby. Do you really think you can live with yourself if you do this? A lot of women suffer terrible emotional problems after abortion, and some even commit suicide. Medically speaking, you are not too young to bear a child. In many cultures, women start having babies and raising them at age 13. The main reason we think 16 is too young is because our culture prolongs childhood, in part because the schools don't teach children quickly enough, although they certainly could. It keeps teachers employed. Pardon my cynicism.
The main thing is that you may be concerned about how you will raise a child at your age. There is a lot of help available in many countries. You didn't say what country you are in. But if there are organizations in your country, you can find the one close to you by using the internet. Here are two links that might help:
http://www.pregnancycenters.org/
http://heartbeatservices.org/connections/worldwide-directory
It is possible that you may feel abandoned by your boyfriend because he hasn't tried to urge you to protect your baby. If so, talk to him. Ask him to assure you that he would like you to protect your baby. It is his baby, too.
I knew a woman who was gang raped when she was about your age, and became pregnant. She didn't want an abortion, so she hid her pregnancy from her parents until she was 7 months. That wasn't hard because she was significantly overweight. Once her baby was born, she and her parents cared for him until she was old enough to take care of him by herself. She then got married, and things worked out very well. A lot will depend on your support system, and who is willing to help you. There are some schools in many areas where you can go to school, and they provide day care while you are in class. You can also get high school courses online. You may be concerned about telling your parents. They would have a right to be upset, and probably will be. However, in our experience, most parents become very supportive. I have two grandchildren, myself, who were born out of wedlock, and I love them just as much as my other nine grandchildren. I would do anything I could to help their parents, and in fact, they have sometimes asked us to help, and we were able to help them. The organizations I have told you about often help teenagers tell their parents about their pregnancy. So find one of these organizations and talk to them as soon as possible.
There is another reason you shouldn't have an abortion. It is very dangerous, and could cause significant complications or even kill you. It can also harm your future children, and make you much more likely to get breast cancer. If you develop a complication, do you have the money to pay for medical care? Your parents would have to pay for it if you can't. And are you prepared to face a life of disability? Abortion can cause serious disabilities, including paralysis. Please don't take this chance. You deserve better. You are lucky your boyfriend is being supportive.
Your baby is depending on you for your protection. Please protect your baby.
I wish you all the best. Please let me know what happens, and stay safe! Let me know if you have any other questions, or if I can help you figure out how to make things work.
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QUESTION: hello,
my boyfriend and i was talking about me not having the abortion. as i feel i will not be able to live with it and my boyfriend he might not be able to live with it, he knows how i feel about abortions.
and i have told my mom about the baby and she said she had an abortion when she was 20 and she if she could go back and keep the baby she would.
my boyfriend was 18 a few months back and he has a job. and i have a job. he is going to move in with my mom and i so we don't have to pay any bills. and my mom has gave us a bit of money to help with the baby.
i think i am right in keeping the baby but i don't know what the baby will be like when it comes. can you help me please??
thanks
AnswerHello, sarah,
Your report sounds good to me. Hang in there. Your mom's support is so important, and I'm glad she is in your corner. What a blessing!
I hope that your mom has been able to get some counseling to deal with her regrets.
I'm not exactly sure what you are saying about what your baby will be like. But I'll try to talk a little about it. When a baby is first born, about the only thing he or she will do is cry, or be calm. However, a baby will generally look at her mother a lot, and there will be a kind of silent communication between them. If you possibly can, you should breastfeed. It is much better for both of you. Your baby will probably touch your breast, or your skin, if she has the opportunity. I was able to find a cradle gym (I don't think they make them anymore) that has two red rings. Newborns respond to things that are red, really well. I put these rings within reach, and my babies would reach for them and grasp them, right after birth or a couple of days later. One of my babies was feeling my nightgown. If you sit your baby on your lap, and rest his chest on your hand in a sitting position, and then stroke his back, he will straighten his back. You have to be a little careful because the baby's neck is a little weak, so support the baby's head at first. If the baby gets fussy, offer your breast, or put his chest on your hand and hold him so that he can see around the room. This will help the baby to quiet down in many cases. Crying is a way to communicate that he needs something. Babies aren't usually terribly fussy about wet diapers, but change them reasonably often anyway (every few hours, or if they are soiled). Try not to use any chemicals on his body. It will take a few weeks for the baby to start smiling, although I have seen babies smile within hours of birth. But you don't generally expect it. A baby will also start to coo and play with his voice in a few weeks. If he hasn't been reaching and grasping things before, he will also start doing this at this point. Then a few weeks later, he will begin to laugh. If you stroke his back, it strengthens the muscles, as he tightens them. The baby will move toward your soft touch. Mothers in Uganda would stroke their babies' bodies all over constantly. Their babies developed skills very fast; many of them were actually running by the time they were seven months old. The more contact you have physically, the better, and skin to skin is really good. Your baby will know your voice at birth, and will respond to your singing. Babies will start to try to roll over and then to crawl within weeks. Most can stand and possibly even walk, sometimes without holding on, at about a year. One of my daughters stroked one of her children a lot, and she was able to stand with only one hand lightly held at three months. I have a picture. This kind of development requires a lot of physical touching. Try to breastfeed totally for as long as you reasonably can. You don't need to start any other kind of food for months. This will make your baby more healthy. Please be aware that immunizations can cause the baby harm, sometimes severe harm, so try to avoid as many as possible. They not only weaken the baby's immune system, but most of them contain poisons such as mercury. Try to find a doctor who will cooperate with not giving these immunizations, and don't let them give your baby any in the hospital.
Here is a site that talks about the things babies will do. http://www.birthpsychology.com/ This site also talks about all the things the baby learns while still in the womb. Most people don't know much about this, and this is very exciting to read about.
You should prepare for birth by taking childbirth classes. Most are about Lamaze, and they tend to teach women to expect pain. However, not all women experience pain. I had three births without pain. If you can get your doctor's permission to get some good exercise, this will help. Swimming is very good, and walking is good. The stronger your heart is, the easier it will be for you to give birth. Eat a healthy diet, and stay away from artificial sweeteners, monosodium glutimate, and other detrimental things. Your heart needs to pump blood against the contractions. The blood contains relaxin, which helps a woman's body open up. As long as the uterus is well supplied with blood, there will be little to no pain. Treat the sensations you feel as pressure rather than pain. Giving birth is an athletic activity. That's why preparation is a good idea. If you can, work with a midwife. Learn to tighten one muscle in your body and relax all the others. Lie down and tell each set of muscles to relax. This is good training.
You should make a birth plan. It is best to avoid as many interventions as possible. Don't accept IVs and medications. Don't agree to let them induce the birth. Don't lie flat on your back. This cuts off the major blood supply to the uterus. Try to find a doctor who will let you birth as naturally as possible, and if you can, try to have a midwife instead. I had a midwife for three births, and I am very glad I did. If you don't know of a good doctor, ask the women who go to La Leche League meetings. They will know who the good ones are.
I hope this helps, and do feel free to ask more questions.
