I have yet to meet a woman who, at some point in her life, has
not felt discomfort with the size or appearance of some aspect
of her body. A woman does not have to be anorexic or bulimic to
dislike her body or struggle with what she eats. The fact that
there are vast numbers of women who are critical about their
bodies and have an uneasy relationship with food is simply not
captured by statistics, which invariably refer to the problems
of anorexia and bulimia. The tendency to focus on eating
disorders does not do justice to the pain and turmoil of the
many additional women who struggle with what to eat, deny
themselves food, or overeat.
Anorexia and bulimia are serious health problems and should not
be minimized. But, there are thousands of women who do not fit
these categories for whom eating is an emotionally laden issue
and a health problem as well. Most women have had some form of
dysfunctional relationship with food in their lifetime. Who
hasn’t gone on a diet, eaten too much for emotional reasons, or
worried about how much they weigh? While on the surface this may
not seem problematic, particularly when these issues are often
the subject of everyday conversations with other women, it does
reflect an insecurity about our bodies and a stressful
relationship with food.
Having issues with our body and food can range from a woman
worrying about her weight and what to eat once in awhile, to, on
the other end of the continuum, worrying every moment of every
day. The pain some women carry around about their bodies and
food can be devastating, and is fuelled by seemingly innocent
conversations about weight, dieting and the size of women’s
breasts, thighs, and stomaches.
Take Maria, for example. Every morning when she wakes up, she
mentally goes over the ‘flaws’ of her body, wondering how she
can slim her belly even further, how she can take the pounds off
her bum, and what she can wear to slim her body. She mentally
skims through the clothes she owns, wishing she had something
that would make her body look better, to look less ‘fat.’ She
wonders whether or not she should eat breakfast, exactly what
she can put into her body, how many calories the meal would have
and how much exercise she’d have to do to burn off those
calories.
Maria frequently compares herself to other women’s bodies; women
she meets and knows and women she sees in the media. In her
mind, her body always fall short. She doesn’t believe it when
people tell her she looks good. In fact, when someone tells her
that she looks like she has lost weight, she ‘feels fat’ and
tries even harder to lose weight. But, she doesn’t starve
herself, or make herself throw up, although she thinks she
should.
Heather, on the other hand, doesn’t think regularly about what
she eats, but does think she should lose some weight. She
doesn’t like her body and wishes she could be thinner. She has
tried many diets but with no long term success. She wishes her
body could be different, but has ‘resigned’ herself to being
this size. She feels guilty and ashamed that she doesn’t have
more control, and believes that her body size means that she is
‘lazy.’ On bad days, both Heather and Maria buy lots of junk
food and eat it, at home, alone without paying attention to the
fact that they are eating. Both women ‘feel fat,’ out of
control, and ashamed of themselves afterwards and sometimes for
the next day or more. The next day, Maria responds by clamping
down hard with a diet, maybe skipping a meal, and while Heather
may watch what she eats, she continues much the same. Both women
feel ashamed of themselves and profoundly depressed, although
not necessarily visibly.
These feelings of inadequacy and shame that both Maria and
Heather have about their bodies and what they eat, and that so
many women experience to one degree or another, is created and
fuelled in a society that places more value on how women look
than on what we think, feel or contribute. Women’s physical
attractiveness is such a big issue, particularly in the dominant
white culture, that girls as young as seven years old are
dieting.
Given society’s obsession with appearances, particularly
women’s, it’s no surprise then that many women believe that by
changing their bodies, they can change their lives. But, this
only makes matters worse. The more we focus on changing our
body, the more we will feel like a failure, disappointed at our
lack of success or control, and ashamed, anxious and insecure
that our body doesn’t look the way that we want it to. This
inevitably takes us further and further away from our deeper
self, leaving us feeling unsatisfied, lost, irritable, angry and
depressed.
The challenge for all of us is to be ourselves, and to be in our
bodies. When we live in our bodies, feel our feelings, and know
our own perspective, we can’t help but feel more connected and
at peace with ourselves. When we judge our bodies we are taking
an ‘outsider’ view, when what we really need is to learn how to
live inside our bodies.
Finding a quiet place, taking a few deep breaths, and tuning in
to how you feel is a good place to begin. Doing this for short
periods of time each day, or as regularly as you can, increases
your ability to do this more naturally. Everyone needs to find
their own way of going inward. For some it is writing in a
journal, meditating, yoga, dance, talking to other people,
joining a support group, therapy, taking a bath, or getting a
massage. Anything that assists you to focus inward and to
connect with how you feel in your body, not how your body looks,
is helpful.
Whichever route you take to connect more deeply with yourself is
your choice. Try not to get discouraged if at first you don’t
feel any changes, it may take some time and there are other
methods to try. There are some excellent exercises in Marcia
Hutchinson’s book, 200 Ways To Love The Body You Have, that you
can try. Remember there are probably a number of reasons why
food and body image are issues for you. The process of feeling
better about yourself may feel like a slow and long one, but
definitely well worth the journey.
Recommended Readings: 200 Ways To Love The Body You Have, by
Marcia Hutchinson. Transforming Body Image: Learning to Love the
Body You Have, by Marcia Hutchinson When Food is Love, by Geneen
Roth. All of Geneen Roth’s books are excellent!
© Kali Munro, 2000. http://www.KaliMunro.com