QuestionQUESTION: "ok, I am a senior and im 17 will be 18 in a few months. My girlfriend is 15 about to be 16 nxt month. we are sexually active she lives in arlington soo i only get to see her on weekends when i drive up there. which is two to three hours away depending on which place im going. anyways. me and my girlfriend have sex atleast once everytime i go and see her up there now. she gave me her virginity on august first so we have only been having sex for a lil over two months. we make sure we use condoms EVERY time, i love her with every fiber of who i am. well this past saturday the third i suppose, well technically sunday or the fourth we had sex. but it wasn't like the norm. we were waiting for her dad to fall asleep so that we could have sex and be alone together. but we both fell asleep and randomly woke up at about 4 in The morning on Sunday. when we awoke i was on top of her idk which one of us initiated it but i was on top and we were sort of dry humping i suppose, we both had our close on still. but soon my dick was hard, she grabbed it and was focusing in towards her vagina, she was wearing skimpy shorts and a thong i was wearing basket ball shorts. so we could both feel it but she had moved her shorts and her thong out of the way so that only my dick through my shorts was touching her. and then we kinda sorta pulled down my shorts and she pulled my dick in to her. but her shorts were still kinda in the way but we still had sex. i was inside her and we were both still half asleep we just apparently woke up realllyyy horny, but i came in her, atleast in part i remember as soon as i started cuming that i recalled that i wasn't wearing a condom. we had never had sex without one soo i guess in my sleepy stupor i thought that i had one on but i didn't. my dick wasn't all the way in though because of her shorts but i would say that it was a good half way in atleast maybe a little more. my dick is 7" long. and i know i came a little bit in her before i was like oh shit and pulled out. but when a guy cums it squirts right at first atleast and thats what im worried about because i didn't pull out when i first cumed. so some was in her for sure. immediately after she was like omg. you didn't have a condom on ? i was like no? and she was like omg. but she had grabbed my dick and knew that i ddn't have a condom on soo she could not blame this on me.. although i should had been more responsible and put one on. but like i said neither of us were thinking clearly ... we had both woken up and immidiately stated doing it. she went to the bathroom right after and said that she peed some of the cum out if not all because i had jacked off atleast 2 or so times before tat earlier that day. and she said she peed sum out. and after she came back she made me finger her with one of the spermocidal condoms i had. sooo i flipped the condom inside out and started reaching into her as much as possible and fingering her with it trying to get around as much as possible to kill what sperm could be left hiding and swimming .. you know? i did that twice with two condoms. i know before we had sex i had fingered her a few times and i made her orgasm alot and i know she cumed but im still worried that wen i cumed inside of her some of my sperm may have gone and gotten her pregnant.. I am going to be here for her no matter what and accept the consequences of what i did. but i would still rather me to not be the guy that ruins her life with a child right now. I am worried alot! but i have managed to comfort her and tell her that there is no wayy that she is pregnant or will be. but i think that those words may be empty.. she is supposed to be starting her period this Friday or sometime this upcoming weekend atleast sooo i guess we will find out i think ? right. well i was just wondering if you had any experience with this type of situation.. and maybe some insight for me.. Do you think that she is or will become pregnant in the next few days.. ? :( and tell it to me straight i just want the truth.. i know its at max a fifty fifty chance. i don't want her to hate me for messing up everything. i love her so much idk i just want to have a better idea soo i could atleast better brace myself for the worst if thats whats coming.. im here for her through thick and thin. always.
Plz share any useful information and get back to me ASAP.
also we didn't think about the morning after pill and this was already two days ago. so that probably wouldn't work anyway right? and plus we don't have any money.. I'm broke :(
I'm Not ready to be a father but if i have to i will assume the position."
ANSWER: Hello Chris from the U.S.,
That was a long letter, and I can sense your worry. Yes, it is possible that enough of the sperm got in for her to become pregnant. The morning after pill would have been a good idea and you should keep that in mind the next time.
For this episode, you'll have to wait and see. I don't have the ability to predict the future so can't tell you whether or not it will happen. Worrying about it at this point is not beneficial or accomplishes anything. Deal with the problem once you have a problem, not the presumption of a problem. So if she misses her period, then she needs to do a pregnancy test. If it is positive. she should see a gynecologist immediately. If you don't want to continue the pregnancy, and it is early, the pregnancy can be stopped by medication alone, without having to have a D&C (abortion). I am not necessarily advocating an abortion, but it is an option if you need it.
If she does not miss her period, then take this as a lesson, and don't let it happen again. She should probably go on the birth control pill or the Depo provera injection (once every three months), so that you won't have the worry. I still would recommend using condoms regardless.
Getting pregnant is not necessarily an easy thing to do. There are only 12 hours each month when this can happen. If it is not at the right time of the month, then it is unlikely to happen. Sex has to occur at the time of ovulation. Unfortunately, woman tend to be more "horny" at the time of ovulation because their hormones are directing them to try for pregnancy. Ask your girlfriend when the first day of her last period was. Also, ask if she has regular cycles i.e. has a period at about the same time each month. If she has regular periods, then you can get an estimate of when her fertile time is. It is usually between cycle day #13-16, counting from the first day of the period. If you had sex and it was only one week away from the menses, then that would be too late. So sex before cycle day #13 and after cycle day #16 would probably not result in a pregnancy. That is, it would be highly unlikely.
My only other question is, clothed or not, why is her Dad allowing you two to sleep together?
Good Luck
Edward J. Ramirez, M.D., FACOG
Executive Medical Director
The Fertility and Gynecology Center
Monterey Bay IVF Program
www.montereybayivf.com
Monterey, California, U.S.A.
for additional information check out my blog at http://womenshealthandfertility.blogspot.com check me out on facebook and twitter with me at @montereybayivf
---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------
QUESTION: thank you for your prompt reply. and yes i know it was an incredibly irresponisble thing to do and i apologize for the novel i wrote to you, but i have been worrying really bad. "what if everything goes wrong, what if she hates me because of a possible pregnancy, what if she falls out of love with me. what if i am worrying too much about this, what if its nothing, what if i am a father.. " i know i am extremely unprepared to be a dad. But if things come to pass, i will certainly step up and be a man. I am no coward. i know things would be very difficult for both me and my Kathryn, but i would try everything within humanly possible to be a good dad. whether i am ready or not is not even a question. i will do what is necessary to provide for kaydee, and my possible child. I myself did not have a father so i would not be the "abandoner" in this confusing and difficult situation. i know this all sounds like talk and that only actions would speak for this kind of thing. but i mean every word of it. and im sorry i write so much, when i type words just flow from my mind to my computer. i think about it alot. i have actually just gotten off the phone with her and i cried alot. I have been researching. i have been calculating her ovulation period. determining whether her periods are regular and whether or not the chances that she is pregnant are high enough to justify all of this worrying. I am naturally very cautious and i can't believe i was so dumb to do this to both her and myself. Its possible that she is pregnant. i understand this. i am writing a follow up to ask another question. I have been preparing myself to take action and step up. possibly even quit school and make as much money as possible to start supporting her needs. i could care less about myself right now. Its all about her and the maybe baby. but as i said above i just got off the phone with kaydee, and she told me that she couldn't tell her parents and that if she was pregnant that she would just starve herself on principle and basically make sure the fetus does not have sustenance and dies. That she would be soo willing to starve and kill my unborn child startles me and makes me question her feelings for me. i know that sounds stupid. but i have been kind of insecure of myself. I am in love with her, and im scared that she doesn't really reciprocate my feelings. I would not do an abortion. or "starve" the baby into death. How could she do that to me, she knows my views. I want her to have the baby and give it to me if anything. she won't even have to do anything. i would do the best i could. i swear to god. it just makes me very very surprisingly sad that she would say something like that.. idk. i feel horrible. am i overreacting. is this some sort of psychosimatic reaction, by worrying about a child and my responsiblities and duties to my baby and my girlfriend. have i made this too "real" in my head. i am so confused. I am SOOOOO sorry i am complaining like this to you. I probably sound very vague and more like i need therapy then advice but i don't even know why i feel the way i feel. maybe you know. if you don't have any useful information. then i thank you veryy much for atleast letting me vent to you and talking to me. i just need someone that maybee understands this situation then any of my peers could possibly comprehend. i am lost, i feel alone, and its like im suffering prepartum depression if there ever was such a thing.. thank you again for corresponding.
and to answer your question. Her father lets us stay in the same room till very late. whenever he goes to bed. he doesn't know that we have sex. im sure hed be upset. he doesn't really care if we "sleep" together as long as sex is not involved. I am supposed to be on the couch after she falls asleep. i am and idiot by any definition. and i made a mistake, she is not innocent but i feel more responsible. and now i just feel turmoil from within. thank you again.. :/
AnswerHello Again,
Unfortunately, Chris, this is not a blog site, but a question and answer site. So, it will be hard to get widespread feedback. You might want to check out a blog site or twitter, and maybe you'll get some responses from your peers that have been in the same situation.
In calculating from your previous letter, it seem unlikely that your girlfriend will be pregnant. The timing is all wrong. Like I said before, there is only a short window for this to happen. Don't ruin the relationship by dwelling on it too much, and making inferences that are not true like "does she really love me?" I am not a counselor or psychologist but even I know that those types of "fairy tale" conclusions are unhealthy for a relationship.
As I said before, don't create a problem where there is NO PROBLEM. Relax for now and wait and see what happens. You can be a little worried, that is normal, but don't over do it! I also forgot to mention, that there is a pretty famous case that occurred in Georgia last year where a star football player was convicted of statutory rape for having sex with a girl under 18. I believe she was 16 as well, and he was 18. He was convicted as an adult and sent to prison. I know that teenage hormones are raging at your age, but keep in mind that besides the pregnancy risk, you are breaking the law as well. Just food for thought.
Remember that this is not a blog so only respond if you have another medical question. Good luck, but I wouldn't worry too much.
Sincerely,
Edward J. Ramirez, M.D., FACOG
Executive Medical Director
The Fertility and Gynecology Center
Monterey Bay IVF Program
www.montereybayivf.com
Monterey, California, U.S.A.
for additional information check out my blog at http://womenshealthandfertility.blogspot.com check me out on facebook and twitter with me at @montereybayivf
