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Seeking Guidance: Navigating a Recent Intimate Encounter


Question
QUESTION: Hi Dr. Borucki, I would appreciate your help, suggestions or ideas with this incident that happened last night. I recently had a sexual encounter with a girl, and I do not mean to get too graphic but I want to explain it.

We cuddled together, and she was kissing me on my neck and on my earlobe for some time. She did not kiss me on my lips. Then she took her top off and put her breasts on my face and to my hands. I was holding them for some time too. She got fully naked, with me laying on top of her with my clothes on. She had a vibrator and I used that on her with my bare hands until she climaxed. The vibrator was pretty wet with vaginal fluid by the time she was done, and my hands had touched some of wet part but I tried not to as best as I could. She had also touched and held onto the vibrator at the beginning.

She used her hand (after touching the vibrator before) after we stopped with the vibrator and put her hand to my lips for a short period of time (like a few seconds as she was just touching my body). I had touched my penis with my hand too after. I had washed my hands at her house and sanitized them when I got back. She did not appear to have any lesions.

I had some hangnails on my fingers, and afterwards when I got home I remember picking one off. I had noticed after picking one off, that one had bled but clotted up. I am not sure if it is the same one I picked or if this was present during my time with her. I am worried about hiv, stds (herpes). Any ideas or suggestions?

ANSWER: the good news is that these diseases don't spread with a touch.... you have to have a break in the skin.... a hangnail doesn't really count, you usually need rubbing sexual contact to cause an abrasion and drive the bacteria in......


you are at very very low risk of transmitting these diseases.... time will tell with herpes.... when someone gets it, it isn't subtle.... it would be a painful blister.   You could get checked for HIV in 6 weeks to relieve anxiety, but it will be negative.

Safe sex!!!

---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: Hi Dr. Borucki, thank you for your message. I know as humans we can worry and worrying causes symptoms like upset stomach, change in bowel movements, suppressing appetite, being nervous.  These do happen to me and have been happening for the past few days because of my worry.

1. I expressed my worry to the girl and she told me she was last sexually active in Sep 2011 (about 6 months from now), and had her last hiv test in Feb 2011 (about four to five months since Sep), and it was negative, she did not test for stds.  She told me she would test again for hiv and stds since it is causing me grief. Any thoughts or ideas on this?

2. As of yesterday, I noticed some discomfort in my throat while eating. It is not a whole sore throat like when you have a cold.  But it feels like one area in the throat (behind the uvula area) feels weird when swallowing food. I went to the doctor today, he looked in the throat and said it looks normal. I asked for a swab test of the throat, and the doctor said it probably is not needed because it is not a whole sore throat and it looks normal on examination. I told the doctor of my concern and my time with the girl, he said I could take an hiv and std test (as a base he said) and retest in six weeks. I had also told him the last time I had sex was in 2008, and had hiv and std test after at about 2010 and 2011 period at a sexual health clinic. I had three rapid hiv antibody blood tests at the clinic, they were negative (one in 2010, two in 2011).  It is a finger prick blood test and result in given within a minute. The std test was conventional blood and urine samples, they were negative too. Despite hearing this, the doctor today said redo the hiv and std tests now. Any thoughts of ideas on this?  Thank you.

ANSWER: getting her tested is a better way than getting you tested....   that will give you a quicker answer... no waiting.  Your own symptoms don't really help.... this could be a cold, it could be anxiety, but doesn't make me thing of STD's...... get yourself checked, but even better, get her checked and rethink the sexual contact issue if it causes this much anxiety.....

---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: Hi Dr. Borucki, thank you for your message.  I went and got tested yesterday and she told me she went and got tested today for hiv and stds. Now waiting about ten days or so for the result. A big concern for me is herpes right now.

1. She said when she asked her doctor about getting tested for herpes, the doctor told her she can only accurately test with a swab test during an outbreak.  The doctor told her something along the lines of 90% of people having herpes or tests not being accurate because 90% test positive, one or other other.  She said she has never had a outbreak in her genital area or had a sore on the lip. I do no know if that is truthful, but even if it is, she could not have any symptoms and still pass it. Any thoughts or ideas?

2. I have been trying to not think about it, but today I woke up and after a few minutes, my whole right hand had gone numb (maybe from sleeping, I was in bed still). It has not gone numb again, but my hands have felt kind of sore and brief tingling episodes through out today. I am now really worried as I just looked it up and says this is sign before outbreak and it spreads during this time, and I have been touching other parts of my body today, like my arms, face, abdominal area, legs and penis when urinating. Now I am thinking I could have spread it from my hands to other body parts too. Any thoughts of ideas? Thank you.

Answer
you can talk yourself into many symptoms, but if you get herpes, you will know something is bad wrong.... a very painful sore for 10 days that is very noticeable..... so the other symptoms are probably related to the anxiety around all this.   But the doc is right.... it is hard to diagnose unless there is an active sore..... the blood tests can be unreliable.