QuestionMy boyfriend of 8 years, we have 3children together. He cheated on me first when i was pregnant with our first child, be blamed me for small things like i call him too many times. Since i loved him and was heavily pregnant, I begged for forgiveness from him but he never left the other girlfriend, so i settled to be second best. After giving birth to my daughter, i countinued begging him wanting him to come to me yet he refused to leave the other woman. Eventually i concieved when the baby was only 4months old and realised 2months later. I went to his place with our child and found the other lady in the house ironing his clothes, i got overcome with emotions and i fought with that lady. He came around and physically assaulted me until i had bruises on my face and swollen eyes. The matter was settled before the courts where i forgave him. Again i was the one who begged for forgiveness but he ignored me till after giving birth to our second daughter. He eventually came looking for me at the workplace and i was happy that he finally come to his senses. It went on and a year later he emailed me that we should stop he has found some one else whom he wants to start a relationship with. I could not believe it and we continued seeing one another even though i knew he had found a new girlfriend because she left her clothes at his house. I ignored all that until one day he did not want to see me. I followed him to a night club and realised he was with the new girlfriend, i made my presence felt by telling the new girlfriend that he is my man and he has 2 children with me. The lady told me that she did not want to know that. Apparently the girl had a car, so they got into their cars and sped away, i was left in space like a fool, i tried his phone but he switched it off. I called a cab and went to his place where i found two cars packed. The bedroom window was open and when i opened the curtain, he was there on top of her. I nearly fainted as i screamed his name and their short fun came to an abrupt stop and he ran to the main door so as to attack me but unfortunately he could not find the keys. I remained by the bedroom window telling that woman all what she had to hear. I threw stones, sand e.t.c at them since i felt betrayed and angry until i saw droplets of blood dripping from my chest and realised that he shot me with a pellet gun. I called the police and when they arrived i was taken to the hospital. He and the girlfriend were taken to the police station where a case was opened. Again i forgave him and withdrew the case. I tried to beg him but he refused until one day he called me to his place and it started all over again and i was second best, he prefeered the other girlfriend than myself. I conceived our third child, and he continued using me i till i was 3days to deliver. The new girlfriend knew about me, that i was pregnant with his third child and that um expecting a boy. He was excited with the prospects of having a son and he gave him a name. 4 weeks after the baby was born, he started sleeping with me again and when the child was 2months, I heared he secretly got married to the girlfriend since they were now staying together. As i write this message it has been a months since they got married and i am dead, i do not know how to cope with three children whos father abandoned and married a lady who already had 7year old child. This man now has a goog job and he is taking care of the woman's child neglecting me and his children. Who is going to marry me with three children? Please help me cope i am so depressed, i do not know how to tell my parent, they do not know anything about whether the father to may children is married.
AnswerHi, amelia,
I think you know this guy doesn't deserve you! He is about as irresponsible as anybody I think I've heard about!
When a woman has sex, she experiences hormones that cause her to bond to her partner. Then she experiences feelings of love. I am sure that is something that happened to you. Why else would you stay with a loser like that? All he's been doing all this time is using you sexually. Nothing more. Men don't get these kinds of hormones. There is obviously no bond there whatsoever. And this man is also using other women as well. If we lived in a just society, he would have been hung by his toenails!
The sooner you stop having anything to do with him, the better. This man is also an abuser. He shot you! He could easily kill you. And then what about your children? Your children also don't deserve him as a father; he would not teach them responsibility for their actions.
Make the decision to let him go. Don't have anything further to do with him.
How are you taking care of your children? Where is your income coming from?
You should also talk to a lawyer. This man owes you, big time. But the trick will be to force him to support you without having any access to the children. It is imperative that he not see them at all. He could even harm them! Still, it can't hurt to talk to someone to find out what the situation is.
I will have to do some asking around about resources, and I will get back to you.
Who might marry a woman with three children? You'd be surprised! There are good men out there, and some of them are willing to marry a woman with children, and cherish her and the children. Sometimes the man will even legally adopt them. But you won't meet such a man as long as you are chasing this guy.
Obviously, deciding to let him go is going to be emotionally painful. The pain will grow less over time. I would guess that it would take about a year to get over him, if you are typical. But steel your resolve. You have children to protect, and they have to come first.
Eventually, he may hunt you up. Don't talk to him! If he persists, get a protective order to keep him away from your family. The fact that he shot you should be sufficient grounds to get a protective order granted.
I will be here any time you need to talk. Stay safe!
