Questionhi i am nineteen i have one lil girl and i just found out i am pregnant again but my boyfriend is not ready for any more kids so we are going to have an abortion i don't wanna have one due to two reasons one i am afraid it will hurt and two i am scared i will not be able to have anymore kids is either of these true?
AnswerHello, roseanne,
Your boyfriend doesn't have the right to decide you should submit to abortion. Abortion is dangerous. It can kill you or render you seriously disabled. Please don't even consider it!
If you want to keep your relationship with your boyfriend, it is critical that you refuse to have an abortion, because abortion usually causes a relationship to break up.
Please go here:
http://pregnancycenters.org/
Find an organization in your area and go talk to them. They can help you handle your boyfriend.
To answer your questions, some women say abortion doesn't hurt (I'm suspecting they have anesthesia, but anesthesia can kill, too), and some say it's excruciating. I can't tell you what you might experience. The bad part is, if the abortion is painful, you might writhe and then the abortionist might injure you. But abortion still does a lot of damage to a woman's body, and this should cause pain, because pain is a warning that you are hurting yourself. To answer the other question, abortion does sometimes prevent a woman from having any more children. About 10% of the women who have one surgical abortion will never have another child. We don't yet know how common sterility will be among women who have a pill abortion. Abortion can also prevent a woman from having a normal pregnancy in the future, even if she does bear a child. It can cause very early birth, which is a leading cause of cerebral palsy, epilepsy, and autism. Abortion can cause some conditions that are life-threatening to your baby, and to you.
If you don't want an abortion, don't have one! Tell your boyfriend it isn't your choice, and that you have your mind made up. He may hassle you for awhile, but eventually he will leave you alone. If he decides to abandon you emotionally or by leaving, let him go. He may be back. But it takes guys longer to adjust to a coming child, as a general rule. Most, especially when they don't want a child, won't accept the baby until they can see some evidence for themselves. This may be hearing a heartbeat, seeing an ultrasound, seeing changes in the mother's body, or feeling movement. When you contact the organization in your area, see if they can do an ultrasound, and take your boyfriend with you to see it.
Tell your boyfriend that abortion is dangerous and he doesn't have a right to expect this of you. If he argues with you, ask him why he is treating you that way. Ask him why he wants you to do violence to your child. Personally, I'd have some huge questions for a man who thinks that kind of violence is acceptable. It's not only violence against the child, but also the mother. It is a deep invasion of her body. If he keeps arguing at you, just sit there and don't say anything. Don't discuss any issues with him when he isn't being reasonable. If it still persists, walk out of the room. If he follows you, tell him you are leaving the room and he is not to follow you. Keep doing this until he gives up. It may take awhile, but usually this does work.
Tell him that a lot of people aren't ready for parenthood at first. That's why it takes nine months to grow a baby. Give him time. But don't give into him. You have to live with the consequences. He can walk away from them. Just tell him it's your decision, and you don't want an abortion and you're not going to have one.
I am praying for you. Hang in there. Take one day (or hour) at a time. You are a lot stronger than you think. Please stay safe!
