QuestionHello, there. I saw that you were able to give some spiritual guidance to women who have had abortions or are thinking about it. I need something like that. I am married and have a son and a step daughter. I cheated on my husband (please no backlash, I already know) and I ended up becoming pregnant to the man that I cheated with. I am back together with him, and we have both decided that neither of us can stand having the child that is half of the man that almost destroyed our marriage. I have decided to have the medical abortion with the shot in the clinic and the pill process at home. I have an appointment next Tuesday. I am okay with it, and so is he, but partially. We are very religious. We go to a Methodist church, practice our religion greatly, and are very faithful in God. We feel that he has brought us back together and should be a stronger influence on our marriage now, more than ever. The only problem is, obviously, that an abortion goes against everything that I am and everything that I feel is right. I obviously have two children and I don't know where I would be without them. They are my life. But in this respect, I feel it is the right thing to do. I just am terrified that yes, God forgives, but I know I am going to do this, I know how God feels about it, and I am going to do it anyway. I am terrified that God will not forgive me and that I will not be the same person I am now after this decision. I am doing it regardless, but I would just appreciate some much needed guidance and reassurance. Thank you.
AnswerHello, Morgan,
I am so glad you contacted me!
First, who am I to condemn you for cheating on your husband? He has already forgiven you. With your sincere repentance, so has God.
I have seen how the grace of God can supply in a situation like yours. I have known women who have gone through what you are going through, and their husbands took them back, and accepted the child as their own. This baby is legally your husband's anyway. This is what it means to have God's grace for your daily living. We are told not to tempt God. Paul says that we should not sin more that grace would abound more. This baby you are carrying was made in God's image. God gave you that baby. We don't know why, but you will probably find out eventually. The baby is not the man who got you pregnant. The baby is a separate human being. He or she needs your protection, and deserves it. He or she is also the half or step sibling of your two other children. They deserve to get to know and love your baby. Yes, God forgives, but if you do it, knowing that He created this baby in His own image, you are still unrepentant, and without repentance, there is no forgiveness.
Your feelings are a temptation from the Evil One. He would love to destroy your life, your relationship with God, and your relationship with your husband. It could destroy your marriage completely. Abortion is very destructive emotionally and spiritually. Our feelings are corrupted by sin. You know what is the right thing to do. Don't rely on feelings. They will change. But abortion is forever.
Abortion will definitely change you. It will not be a good change. You will either be in an agony of regret, or your emotions will harden, and you will stop feeling. I have seen it both ways. You and your husband will blame each other. You may become suicidal, or start to abuse drugs or alcohol. All of this is common. You might be careless and die a violent death by accident, and you could become the victim of homicide. All of these risks are increased. You could develop eating or sleep disorders. I experienced the horrible nightmares some women get, and I wouldn't with them off on my worst enemy.
Then there is the fact that abortion is dangerous. It could kill you or leave you seriously disabled. If that happens, who will take care of your children? Do you have the money to pay for medical care if you have a serious complication? Abortion isn't even wise apart from emotional and spiritual considerations!
Please don't do it. It will be difficult for awhile, but it is very likely you will both come to love this baby. If not, you can choose adoption. Also keep in mind that it is common for a woman to be dismayed at pregnancy during the first trimester. It is a hormone thing. The woman usually comes to term with it and consciously bonds with her baby in the second trimester. You are actually already bonded to your baby, but you won't be consciously aware of it for awhile. When the baby moves down the Fallopian tube, whenever he or she bumps into the tube, hormonal messages are exchanged. This is what stops your period. Once the baby implants, he or she sends stem cells into your bloodstream. From there, they move to different parts of your body, and stay there. Some go to your brain. During an abortion, the baby feels excruciating pain, and releases many more stem cells. Pain results in the production of a chemical, and these stem cells will have this chemical and will move to your brain. There is no way you won't somehow KNOW what you did.
There will be an organization near you that can help you with counseling, and I urge you to take advantage of it. Let them explain what abortion is, and give you moral support for a decision that will let your baby live. You can find the nearest organization by going to this web site:
http://www.optionline.org/
Just think about one thing before we finish talking here this time. If you have an abortion, a baby who is also YOUR flesh, will never see the sky, smell a rose, feel the wind in his hair, feel your loving arms around him, or any of the other things that it is the birthright of children to experience. In the name of having the wrong father (not a capital offense for the baby), do you want to deprive your baby of these experiences?
Please don't do it. Please protect your baby. Keep in touch and let me know how things go. I will be here for you.
