I have been there. You are standing outside that door and hear him crying. You want to go back in for "just one more hug." Don't do this. If you go back, you are telling your child that his tactics are working and you are rewarding him for less-than-stellar behavior.
Also remember: the day will come when you have an important meeting or phone call that keeps you from taking extra time in your departure. If you display inconsistency now, this will only confuse your little one and make his anxiety grow when you really need your routine. Resist the urge!
If it makes you feel better, go ahead and stand behind the door and surprise yourself at how quickly your child will calm down. Each child is a bit different. Of my three, Emily always cried the loudest, but also adjusted the quickest.
Don't buy gifts to cover your guilt
Two years ago, I was on a business trip that needed to be extended from three days to four. The timing was horrible--it meant that I would have to miss my daughter's parent-teacher conference for the second time that year.
In the hotel room that night, all alone, I felt frustrated with my job for keeping me away from my family, sad that I was letting down my daughter, and guilty for not being a "perfect" mom. When I finally arrived at the airport the next day, I was in a rush to get home to at least check in and hear how the conferences went, but no luck--my flight was delayed.
In my last-ditch attempt to make it up to my daughter, I started purchasing overpriced airport toys and candy. A few hours and fifty dollars later, I finally got home and gave Emily these "gifts." She liked them--of course, every child likes to receive presents--but it didn't make up for the fact that I had missed her conference.
It also reinforced the wrong message: that I had done something wrong when, in fact, I hadn't done anything wrong at all. This goes for goodbyes, too. Use words, not bribes, to encourage cooperation.
I've seen kids bribed with candy, toys, fast food meals, anything if they would just stop crying at the morning goodbye. It doesn't work. In fact, it increases anxiety by turning the goodbye routine into a daily test, and even worse- an expectation.
Life is full of obstacles and challenges. Be happy when things flow in your favor, but teach your children to know and expect that sometimes they won't.
Get into a routine
Another tip on accepting separation is acknowledging that the source of your child's emotions is often more centered on transitioning to something new and less about the actual separation itself. It isn't that they do not miss you (they do), it's just that your absence forces them to make a change.
Parker has problems transitioning in all kinds of situations, not just daycare drop-off. When he is watching his favorite television show and it is time to go somewhere, like a birthday party, he cries. When it is time to leave the birthday party, he cries. It isn't that he doesn't want to do the new activity; it is just that he can't see beyond his present moment.
Parker is a child that requires routine. He needs to get up at the same time, eat the same breakfast, and watch his favorite television show--all in the same order. He has only a handful of superhero shirts he will agree to wear. If I try to change any of these things, we always have some form of emotional outburst.
Samantha Knowles is the author of Working Mom Reviews.To free yourself of disease and infection, check out diseaseless review/ or to understand how to really relate to your man check out he's not that complicated review/
