When newcomer “wife” comes to stay in the new house with husband
who is already with other male members, becomes favorable
atmosphere for her. Tendency of males to attract females
facilitates her to take advantage to establish own atmosphere
that matches her identity. This facilitates her to run the home
as she wants. On the other hand, if there is already an adult
female member (mainly mother-in-law) who controlled the house,
turn out to be problems for her and her. Her survival is by
surrendering to adjust into the existing environment or fight to
gain control to establish own environment. It is a war between
mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, most popular of any war. It
is egoistic war to establish own superiority.
A home adorned by woman is her entity. Her own values are
involved in making a home that reflects her qualities. Each
house interior is different from other is because her deep
involvement to decorate that suits her taste. We can observe in
a house purchased or hired, woman takes special interest and
involve her feeling to decorate and arrange interiors that makes
her comfortable. Woman modifies her house to suit her taste is
the environment she makes that suits her.
The mother who is already in control of her house would not
easily leave, is the same case as of politicians who hates to
leave legislation membership or seat whatever we may call. This
is her house as she has been involved to nurture the house since
the beginning. Any challenge is the challenge to her emotions,
sense of worth, identity, fondness and finally her control for
own security. Thus, she would never wish newcomer to have
control on what she amassed for long-long time. This is the
psychological behavior with every individual/ any life form. Who
creates own territory by involving sentimentally and marks
psychologically or physically to declare. Depends how species
behave as human declare with flags and animals with other
methods. Declaring territory is the sense of security.
Similarly, mother too has marked her territory and would resist
to any challenge.
A son for the mother is the outgrowth of her efforts and
emotional involvement. Mainly when she has one son, she expects
her son to become security for the family and the old age.
Honestly, no aged man or woman would wish to go to old age
houses for rest of the life as long as the son is alive.
Differences of new generations, old generations, and
psychological war between in-laws force to leave the house.
When she hands over her son to a new woman, she is cautious that
her influence on the son is not disconnected. Her influence on
him is the sense of security as he obeys, cares, and respects
are his attachment. The new woman (WIFE) cannot tolerate because
her sense of security expects 100% involvement from her husband.
Wife needs him for her and children’s safety, security, comfort
and sensual attachment. The diversion of her husband’s attention
would minimize her expected desires. Therefore, she declares a
war against her mother-in-law aggressively to thwart the
weakening realm. However, the outcome depends on how
psychologically strong the son/ husband is. How much his
attraction or submission to the influence is? How strong the
religious influence is? How he handles the situation? Who of two
women are more influential is?
99.99 % mothers win over daughter-in-laws in the countries where
religious dominance rule. All religious scripts direct the son
to follow, respect, care and worship mothers. Therefore, aged
are still safe and living with their children. However, in the
urban and advanced countries it is the opposite. In such cases,
the mothers are psychologically weaker and get defeated to
daughter-in-laws.
In most cases, wife’s inclination is towards her own parents
above the husband’s parents. She would prefer her mother-father
to stay with her provided she wins her husband’s mind to agree.
The reason of this is that she lived for long-long time, made
her involve and attached emotionally with the parents and mixed
up intensely to understand the needs of parents and parents
understand her needs subsides only when she bears her own
children. One thing I would wish to stress that even wife loves
and has respect for the mother-in-law; only psychological issues
disconnect them. It is not any personal conflict rather is the
personality conflict. They involve in the conflict to
gain/retain the status and claim rights on the son/husband’s
attention. So, can retain their say and pull major attention of
son/husband towards them. • Daughter-in-law should also realize
that she too would meet her daughter-in-law in her future when
she becomes the mother-in-law. On the other hand, mother-in-law
should realize the same way. • Wife need to understand that
mother-in-law is now aged. The behavior developed from the very
beginning, some times is not easy to change. Thus becomes
responsibility to understand the situation and act to drag
mother-in-law towards her by affection. This technique is an
influence to convince mother-in-law that “I care her more than
even her son.” • Do not hurt any one’s sentiment. Sentiment is
the personal value and ego. If you hurt, you become enemy.
Besides, putting your own values in front of her, listen to her
too and tell to agree which ever is best. Forcing opinions and
values is a root to clash. • It is a conflict between the new
and old generation. Thinking and behavior differ generation to
generation. Present generation is more open, free, and demanding
than the old. Mother-in-law need to know it is not her era. •
Opinion and ideological differences lead to misunderstanding. •
Psychological feelings and horrifying stories about
mother-in-law create misunderstanding. • Besides, understanding
each other’s stand and responsibilities should work to eliminate
feeling of insecurity. • Egoistic approach is the root cause
that I am the one who is responsible for him. Now he is an adult
man can take care himself and your both. • Exchange the
affection, views, chat, good moments of your life, gifts etc to
get closer.
Link to this article:
http://www.sadashivan.com/marriagedreamswhenfails/id11.html