The Triumph of a Joy Junky How choosing joy can change everything
THE DESCENT
Our friend, who we’ll call “Kay,” started work as the only
Social Worker in a medical treatment clinic about six months
ago. This clinic employs about 40 people, and runs two shifts, 6
days a week. About 120 patients are served weekly, with each
visiting 3 times per week.
A large contingent of the staff, including the director, often
uses a language other than English. About 8 months ago, the
Director was promoted from within the organization with no prior
experience managing large groups. When Kay showed up on the
scene as the lone social worker on staff, she had recently moved
from out of state, was new to the medical community, and to the
diverse cultural mix in this organization. So she wisely decided
to come in with few expectations and do her best to fit into
this work culture using her considerable talent as an objective
observer. One of the first things she noticed was that
interactions between patients and staff sorely lacked respect.
She would often overhear heated conversations in a foreign
tongue. All Kay understood was the anger. The person Kay was
replacing appeared very scattered, disorganized, and had
generally poor relationships with the rest of the staff. Kay
attempted to learn the bigger picture from her by continually
asking questions that would help her understand where a Social
Worker fit into this establishment. What was expected? How will
I be perceived? What are the attitudes of the medical staff
about the work I’ll be doing? What processes are in place to
handle this and that?
Neither the outgoing Social Worker, nor anyone else for that
matter, seemed to have any answers for her. The staff simply
appeared to operate like a disjointed group of individuals,
scurrying about, putting out some fires, and missing others in a
haphazard fashion. Sometimes they would repeat each other’s
work. Other times important tasks would be overlooked. Everyone
seemed to operate through a pall of fear and anger. Kay,
normally a very happy and enthusiastic person, soon found
herself going to work every morning with a knot in her stomach.
“I had no idea where I stood in this culture, where I fit, or
how to be appreciated. The Director was constantly yelling at
everyone. I didn’t know if I was going to be yelled at for
something I was supposed to be doing or not doing.” Tension was
thick in this place. The Director would start yelling early in
the day and everyone focused on simply dodging bullets the rest
of the day. Sound familiar anyone?
This is certainly not the kind of organization any of you out
there can relate to, is it? Don’t we wish!
THE SHIFT
Finally, one day Kay woke up and decided she wasn’t going to
live like this anymore. Unlike many, Kay did not need to work to
sustain herself financially, and had enough confidence in
herself to know she could find a job elsewhere if she needed to.
She decided to try something new, knowing that she had the power
to leave if it didn’t work out. You see, Kay is a smart cookie.
She said, “I know deep down that I make my own joy. And I
decided to choose joy on this job!” Kay decided what she would
and wouldn’t tolerate. She would be pleasant, kind, and
considerate, in the midst of the ongoing turmoil and not let
anyone, no matter what their position, treat her with
disrespect, including her Director.
Kay sets boundaries. One day shortly after she made this
decision, the director began to yell at her. She told her,
“Please tell me what you expect of me, but don’t yell at me
anymore or I’ll quit.” Many fearful people might call this a
threat. But hear this my dear friends, this are simply called
“consequences” by those with the heart to exercise them. Kay
pays it forward. Even though people weren’t very friendly to one
another, Kay decided to start complimenting everyone on the
staff who demonstrated even the slightest competence or positive
behavior. She began taking extra care to appreciate the
secretary who took more abuse than anyone and who interacted
with everyone. Kay began to feed the staff’s hunger for positive
reinforcement. Kay makes the team. Even though Kay wasn’t part
of a highly functional work team, she began acting as if she
were. She would jump in and help with any little job that
crossed her path, even if it was outside of her realm, just to
take some of the load off of her coworkers. These were simple
little things like making a quick phone call, making a copy,
mailing a letter, passing on a message, etc.
Kay chooses mastery. Kay decided that she was going to put all
she had into her work. She started providing extraordinary
service rather offering simply the ordinary.
Kay finds an ally. One day, a new office mate showed up and she
recruited her as an ally. Everyday, they found a “mission of the
day” to take on. This was sometimes just a small thing, like
someone’s nagging problem that no one could ever solve. They
would solve these kind of things all the time. Kay found that
having an ally multiplied not only their results, but their joy
too.
Kay doesn’t fuel the fire. Whenever Kay was in the midst of a
conflict that didn’t involve her and that she didn’t feel able
to impact, she walked away. “No point messing with my joy when I
don’t have to!” No picnic. Make no mistake, dear reader. The
environment here was not all joy and light. Kay was faced daily
with death, and the dying, with imminent amputations, sickness,
and terminal illness. Joy was a choice. One she had to keep
choosing every moment.
THE AWAKENING
After about 6 weeks after Kay decided to choose joy, people
started coming to her with their problems and concerns. Kay
didn’t try to fix any of their problems. She listened hard and
suggested things they could do to resolve or reduce them. She
helped them find ways to make healthy choices like she was
doing. “The next time you feel yourself about to blow up at
someone, take a nice long deep breath, tell yourself that you’re
choosing joy today, and ask yourself, ‘How can I do this
differently?” Kay never took sides. When people came to her
blaming others for their upsets. She just listened and made
suggestions on how they could think or act differently. More and
more people began dropping into Kay’s office on a regular basis.
“I don’t want to sound conceited here, but it seemed like people
wanted what I had…’joy.’ I helped them choose it themselves. I
kept telling them, ‘Stop bickering. Remember to breath, then
choose joy.’ We even made a poster that said, ‘Remember to
breath.’ People loved it.” “The Director was one of the worst
attackers. Once I built a little more trust with her, she was in
my office sharing her problems. One day I asked, ‘Are your
really getting what you want by yelling at everyone?’ She
finally was able to see that it simply brought down staff and
modeled poor behavior for them.” “She promised me one day to not
yell for the entire day and hasn’t done so publicly for six
weeks. She now takes issues with individuals privately into her
office and handles them in a civil tone.”
TODAY?
“Today things are about 60% better. I look forward to going to
work. People are more pleasant. They still come in now and
again, but the atmosphere is good enough now to start the real
work of making this organization hum. People are now more
solution-oriented rather than blame-oriented. Now that people
don’t have to be so concerned with defending themselves, there’s
more energy available to focus on solutions and processes that
will make life better for everyone.” KAY’S TIPS FOR CHANGE.
- New choices yield new results. Kay was amazed at how little
effort can yield such a huge change. Choosing joy is simply a
decision. I just decided that I’m here to have the best day I
can have and be as productive as I can be, and have joy in my
heart. – Sometimes the most positive thing you can do is to
leave an organization. I’ve helped a couple people make the
decision to leave this place. If it takes too much from you over
time, at some point, you have to realize you can’t affect this
place without losing your joy.
- Find your passion and choose mastery in your work 100% of the
time. Find a place for yourself that holds passion for you, a
place that has space for your joy. – Be a steward of trust. You
can have bad days, and you can be frustrated, but don’t lash out
at others, just own it and let people know what’s going on with
you so they don’t take it personally. – Joy is not simply a
smile on your face everyday. It doesn’t necessarily equate to
happiness, though it may lead there. It’s being true to
everyone, especially yourself. – Empower people to solve their
problems and to make different, more effective choices. -
Consciously model functional behavior. – Chose to lead yourself.
Ask what you can do in your little piece of the world. Develop
options for yourself so your survival isn’t at stake if you have
to leave an organization. – Know that anyone taking on a new
behavior in a system changes the system.
About the Author: Steve Davis, M.A., M.S., is an Facilitator’s
Coach, Infoprenuer, and free-lance human, helping facilitators,
organizational leaders, educators, trainers, coaches and
consultants present themselves confidently, access their
creativity, empower their under-performing groups, enhance their
facilitation skills, and build their business online and
offline. Subscribe to his free weekly ezine at
www.MasterFacilitatorJournal.com.