Understanding and Coping with Pregnancy Loss: A Support Guide

Question
Hello my name is brandy, I am 18. I had my first son when i was 17.about 3 months ago we found out that I was pregnant again. When I went to the doctors at 12 weeks. They told me that my baby had stopped growing at about 7 or 8 weeks. it was so sad and it will be for a long time. My questions are: When should we try to have another baby. And how can I stop getting jelouse of people who are pregnant? Thanks  

Answer
Hi Brandy :)

I am very sorry to hear about your loss :(

As a rule, after a miscarriage, birth, or DNC, you are susposed to let your body recover 6-8 weeks. Approximatly 2 cycles. Once you have had waited that time period, then you can go ahead and try again. The Reason why to wait that time, is to let your hormones settle, also let your body heal, as well as it will significantly lower your risk of having an infection. So its really important to let your body recover fully.

As for your jealousy issue. I have to answer this from a personal standpoint. I think, given what you went through its normal to feel jealousy, or envy, given your recent loss.

But you know, you are so young and have your life ahead of you to have as many children as you desire. You know there is absolutely nothing wrong with you. You have already had a baby whom is healthy and thriving.

Keep in mind, that your miscarriage first off and for most is not an uncommon occurance. You need to remember, that the reason why this baby didnt develop, is because there was something terribly wrong. Its not your fault, its one of those mysterious things.

I think you will get over your jealousy issue. I think maybe right now, you might be feeling more resentment if anything because you lost your baby, and when you see a pregnant woman, its just a reminder of that.

Loss of baby is terrible thing. But I think like any other loss, you have to have that period of greiving. But in time, it will get easier ..but you will never forget it.

I went through the same thing some years ago. I miscarried a baby at about 11 weeks. I was devestated, and pretty much angry at the world. It took some time for me to get passed it ..but I never forgot it, and I never will, And I have had 2 healthy children since.

I really think right now, its not so much jealousy, but its resentment. And I think its normal given what you have been through.

When you have these feelings of resentment, just remind yourself, of the love of your life, that being your son, and how lucky you are to have him, and know that sometime in the future, you will give him a sibling, may more, in years to come. Focus on him, and your family ..and I assure you, when you do get pregnant you will find your feelings of resentment will go away.

You will never ever forget your baby, that you lost. But, you certainly find in time, it will be easier. Sounds to me like you still have to come to terms with this. And once you do, I am positive you attitude, will be positive, and it will be towards other pregnant women.

Hope this is of some help, and good luck

Any more questions, feel free to write back :)

-Kristy