QuestionDear Michelle,
I don't know if it is okay to post a question about a miscarriage in the this category, but I am sure you can help me.
I miscarried at 8 weeks recently. According to the ultrasound the fetus had stopped growing beyond the sixth week. Within the first few days/weeks of conception, I had gone for an accupressure body massage. I did not know about the pregnancy at that point. The therapist massaged my lower back and tummy vigorously. Could it have caused the miscarriage? Can't help the guilt. Please advice
AnswerDearest Candice,
First...I am so sorry for your loss. My prayers go out to you and your lost child.
Second...PLEASE understand that you did nothing wrong. It is quite possible, and even probable, that the massage and accupressure did affect your unborn child negatively. However, guilt is reserved for those who knowingly do something that they are aware will cause harm to another person. The key word here is "knowingly". And even if you HAD known you were pregnant, you may not have been aware of the dangers of accupressure to your unborn child, and gone forward with the session anyway. In that case, you STILL wouldn't be guilty of any wrongdoing because you did not KNOW. In that case, your accupressure therapist would be culpable if he failed to ask whether or not you were pregnant before proceeding. I am hoping that he did so and that your answer was no. If he did not ask, that is troubling.
Guilt is an ugly word that only God can erase. I'm not here to preach, but I want you to know that you bear NO responsibility whatsoever for anything you may have done to harm that baby. YOU DID NOT KNOW. So please, give up the awful feeling that you deserve any blame here. Responsibility in this life is all about what was in your HEART, (the law calls this "intent"). This would be classified as an accident.
But, it is also important for you to understand that, even in an accident, a parent whose child dies is racked with guilt and sadness. Please understand that, regardless of how your baby died, there is no escaping the sadness you are feeling right now. The key is to get past turning that sadness onto yourself in the form of guilt, and turn the sadness back onto your baby so that you can properly grieve his or her death. The process of grief has many steps. Only you can determine how to get through them.
Please consider getting counseling from a counselor who believes in the sanctity of life. Many, sadly, do not and will try to discount the humanity of your unborn child in their efforts to comfort you. They mean well, but cannot fully grasp that you are feeling the loss of the life of a human being. I wish I had a resource for you to contact to make sure that you get a counselor with a pro-life attitude, but I cannot. The only thing that I can suggest is to try a Christian counseling service, such as you can find at a Crisis Pregnancy Center. Although the counseling at these places is centered around after-abortion recovery, any of the individual counselors could also be helpful to you in healing from your miscarriage experience. Many of the feelings are the same. These women are all trained volunteers whose only purpose is to help women with their reproductive and emotional needs. You can find one of these facilities near you by looking in your local yellow pages directory under "Abortion Alternatives". Please know that because most are staffed ONLY by volunteers and run completely on private donations, they may not be open some days of the week or other hours of the day. Because of this, you may not get an answer to your phone call during all hours that you may call. If you can, leave a voice mail message, or if you feel comfortable, keep calling back until you get a live person. There should be more than one facility in your area, so try them all until you get a live person to talk to.
My prayers go out to you and to your little one. I hope you feel the warmth of the blessing I have asked God to send your way.
Sincerely,
Michelle
P.S. If you'd like to continue corresponding privately, please email me at mthompson6887@nycap.rr.com
I would love to help you in any way that I can. - M
