QuestionIt's me again. I am in a dark state of mind today. All I can think about was weather my baby was a boy or a girl. I felt like it was a girl (remember I have two) but I did the "am I having a boy or a girl" thing online and they said it was probably a boy. I have always wanted a boy. Now I have messed that up. I just want to be with my baby. I don't want to hurt my kids or my husband (who I cant stand right now) but I am hurting so bad I just want it all to end. I really need help. Someday I am ok. I still think about it.... but other days I am just like "I want to die" I just don't care anymore. I am going insane (not joking)I know you know that though. I wont ever get over what I did. I cant live like this. I am running on NO sleep. My kids have been staying with their grandmother so I can rest and try to sleep. I don't sleep though. I feel so weak. I don't think things are going to work with my husband but he doesn't know that yet. He acts like nothing happened and I hate him , resent him for that. HEARTLESS. I have/had a big heart and now I am just numb. I don't know what I am going to do. I killed my baby. Everyone says oh you'll get over it. How do they know? They are not me. I just want to yell. I want to kick and scream "Give me my baby back I made a huge mistake" but I know it wont work. I am so stupid. Please tell me what to do. I just want this all to be a dream. I am scared that I might do something to myself.
AnswerLauren, you have been heavy on my mind. How are you doing? I will be away from my computer for awhile tomorrow and Tuesday, but when I get back, if I have heard from you, I will answer right away. Hugs!
Hi, Lauren,
I won't tell you that you will forget about your baby. You won't. The important thing is to get you to a place where you can cope and experience spiritual healing. And yes, that is possible. But it takes time.
You need to hang in there for your children. Take one day at a time, or even one hour at a time if necessary. Also, if you have a place where you can warn other women, this may help. And it may help for you to create a memorial for your baby. You can do that online, or you can plant a tree. Give your baby a name. Whenever you feel like you are losing it, pray. If you feel like giving up, pray.
You need to go to someone who can give you physical hugs, and talk to you. Please find a crisis pregnancy agency in your area. They have programs for people like you. Many of the women who run these programs have been right where you are.
You can find an agency near you by going here:
http://pregnancycenters.org/
I will keep praying for you. And I will be here for you. Please live for my sake! I don't want to lose you. I love you because God first loved me.
Hugs.
