QuestionHi Pat
14 years after having made the worst mistake and sin of my life, I have decided to know the truth.
I met my husband 14 years ago & after just a few months I got pregnant. To avoid the family scandal, he advised me to take Cytotec to let go of the child. I was already on my 6 weeks pregnancy.
However, nothing happened after taking at least 10 pills. I didnt bleed and the family scandal did happen.
We got married and had a daughter. When she was smaller, she was like every child, I mean normal. Then with my husband drinking & fighting all the time, I noticed that she could bear any noise or people talking loudly. She thinks that they are fighting.
I left my husband finally and my daughter stayed with me. As time went by, I noticed a change in her behaviour. She was growing physically but she was still a child in her head. She couldnt talk properly at the age of 4. After pre-school, she couldnt follow classes in primary school. She was confusing the alphabets. So I went to a Speech Therapist/Psychologue, & my daughter started talking but still couldnt read or write.
Now she is 14 years old, she goes to a specialised school for retarded children. If you see her drawings, they are like those of a 4 years old. When she goes to the bookstore, she would chose books for small kids. She is attracted with small girls shoes, or toys. She cant brush her hair or take her bath on her own, I have to check on her all the time.
Do you think these are the side effects of the Cytotec? Will my daughter ever become like a normal 14 years old ?
I blame myself for her state. At that time, I was still a child myself (only 18 yrs) & when my ex-husband told me to take the pills, I thought that was the best solution.
AnswerHi, Vanisha,
Your situation breaks my heart! Yes, this could be due to the Cytotec.
Cytotec can cause microcephaly. This is when the brain never grows to the size it should. I recommend you go to the doctor and ask them to scan her brain and see if it is unusually small.
There is no point in blaming yourself for the coercion you experienced. There is also no point in blaming yourself because the abortionist or other person who supplied the Cytotec didn't obtain your informed consent. The manufacturer of Cytotec says a pregnant woman should never use it. But whoever supplied the Cytotec didn't bother to tell you. The only thing you did was yielded to pressure and ignorance. I'm not saying this means you are blameless, and you are aware that you did play a role.
The first thing I want to tell you is that you can experience emotional and spiritual healing. This is so important! Unfortunately, there are no organizations near you (not even in Madagascar) that I know about that offer healing programs for women in your position. For this reason, I recommend you seek counseling online. I am also willing to talk to you. I have some experience in this area, and I think I may be able to help you. But you should also go to this site:
http://www.pregnancycenters.org/
They offer online help.
I will get into this more next time. Let me know what religion you are. It will help.
Also, let yourself get angry and even outraged at the way you were coerced and defrauded. Don't act on this. Just write about it, and when you are ready, destroy what you wrote. It is critically important that you decide to forgive all the people who were involved in encouraging you to try the Cytotec. You won't feel like forgiving. Forgiveness is a decision, not an emotion. It is the decision to release the other people from your anger, and to accept the consequences yourself, of what they have done to you. It may take awhile for you to reach the point where you can forgive others. It may even take a couple of years. Pray about it. Ask God to help you to forgive. Ask God to forgive you. God will forgive you. He has already paid the price, and the forgiveness is free. Then work on forgiving yourself. This is the hardest part. You will undoubtedly struggle with it. Ask God to help you forgive yourself. You may decide one day to forgive yourself, and another day, you may take it back. Keep working at it; don't give up. Take good care of yourself. Eat well, get good rest.
As far as your daughter is concerned, I can't promise you that she will become "normal". What I can do is offer you a lot of ideas and suggestions of things you can do to help her get better. To begin with, because you have told me she can't handle loud noises, I want to find out if she is willing to let you hug and stroke her. If so, then please do a lot of this, on her bare skin, her face, hug her with her clothes on, rub her back on her bare skin, that sort of thing. Do as much of this as you can. Also, see if it helps to wrap her up in a sheet or blanket so that she feels safe, and see if it helps if you give her a box she can crawl into.
Because she is behind, there are things that will work with her that wouldn't normally work with children her age.
Do you have any money to spend on learning materials?
You can also make sure your daughter gets a really good diet, and if you can, there are herbs you can get online that may help. Some that come to mind are ginkgo and vinpocetine (a derivative of the periwinkel plant). Also, if she is willing to eat spicy food, that will help. Cayenne (red hot pepper) and curries would both be helpful. I can also give you some other suggestions after I do some research. If she isn't willing to eat spicy food, you can encourage her to eat some that is mildly spicy and build her tolerance over time. Another thing that might help is phosphatidyl choline. This is a form of B vitamin.
If you can find a way to do it, you might want to find someone who will be willing to do adult stem cell therapy on her. Please make sure it is ADULT, using her own cells. This is used for quite a few different medical problems, and I have seen reference to using them for neurological problems. I may be able to help you find a place where you can get this treatment, and possibly help in being able to take her there. I'll look into it.
In other words, there are many, many things you can do that might help, and the gratification from her progress will greatly help your state of mind.
Watch her, and see if she's happy. Even though she may struggle with nerves, she probably is. Accept that she is happy, and you should be happy for her.
I will give you some ideas on how you can work with her on specific academics. We will probably need to talk a number of times. Don't worry about the site telling you that you can't do too many follow-ups. Just start a new message. If they try to hassle you, write me a private message, and I'll give you another way to contact me.
Just know that God loves you and your daughter, and so do I. I would give you a hug if I could, but please accept my cyber-hug. Take care, and keep close to God. I will pray for you both.
