QuestionQUESTION: Hi Kathryn,
I live down in Houston. It's legal to get undraped massages here. Lately I've been getting a massage from a Chinese massage studio. I am a large, black American woman in my late 30s with a rather large rear end. I tend to ask for a lot of glute work. So most of the massage is mainly glutes. The massage is great. But the therapists seem unprofessional. She leaves the door open and I can hear other therapists and a few times customers passing by. A few have stopped to chat with my therapist while she's with me.
Have you ever had the feeling even though others are speaking a different language they're still talking about you? I hear a lot of giggling and some smattering of Chinese when I get the massage. Also, twice when I showed up for an appointment and I was approached by the manager asking me if I wanted a 4-hand massage. She said, giggling a bit, "You might want to try it because Kimmy sometimes has a hard time just massage one of your buttocks." When I said this to Kimmy, my usual therapist, she said, "Oh, I was just joking when I said that." I asked her, "But do you have a problem with massaging my glutes?" She said, "Oh no, not really. I won't lie, the size of it is overwhelming. But thats all."
I tend to think the giggling and joking is really at my expense. It's not much but it's something. I don't want to do anything rude because I might come off as the stereotypical angry black woman. But I might be making her uncomfortable it seems. And that along with the perceived jokes is making me uncomfortable. She's a good therapist, but I wonder if I'm better off with someone else. What should I do?
Thanks,
Davanna
ANSWER: Hi Davanna,
I'm with you: Find another massage therapist. For one thing, you may find someone with more skill who has better techniques for working your gluteal muscles.
While leaving the door open could possibly be a safety precaution in some circumstances, your time on the table is YOUR time. Any conversation should be with you.
There are many ways to massage the glutes. They can be lifted or pressure can be applied with forearms, elbows or hands or knuckles. When the therapist leans into your muscles, it becomes quite effective.
I think you will find that you can enjoy a more extensive massage along with the glute work if you switch therapists.
Ask friends who they recommend. Sometimes word of mouth is the best way to find a new therapist. You can also interview a therapist before you schedule an appointment. Most will be glad to talk with you.
I have heard your same complaint from women who go to certain nail salons. It's probably valid.
I heard a good story (wish I could tell you the names of the parties but I forget.) It was about a successful woman in the modeling industry who was sponsoring young models from a foreign country. They lived with her. One of the young women was making fun of the host in her native language. Unfortunately for the young model, the host also spoke the same language and the young woman was immediately expelled.
Since this isn't working well for either of you, take the step to find a new therapist. And if that one isn't as skilled as you hoped for, then switch again. Davanna, you will find the right therapist and you will get much more benefit from your massage sessions.
I hope this helps.
Best,
Kathryn Merrow
The Pain Relief Coach
---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------
QUESTION: Hi Kathryn,
Thank so much for the advice. I am now in the process of finding another therapist. How long should I interview them for? Any recommended questions I should ask them? Can you give me more on the types on the best technique for massaging glutes? And, this may seem strange, but can a woman self-massage her glutes?
Hopefully, I'm not paranoid; it's good to know other women understand what it's like to feel ridiculed in another language. I wish I was like the successful model with the knowledge of the foreign language. It doesn't bother me so much in nail salons because I'm clothed. But when all the employees at the store have good view of me unclothed on the massage table is when I have the problem.
Thanks,
Davanna
AnswerHi Davanna,
They behaved unprofessionally. I don't think you are paranoid. I'd feel the same.
If you have the opportunity to actually meet with a therapist in person, that would be the best. That way you would get a sense of whether you would like to work with the person and they would get a sense of you and your needs and preferences.
Most massage therapists would be happy to talk with you for ten or 15 minutes, either on the phone or in person. Explain your size and preference, if you have pain, etc., especially on the phone.
You might prefer someone who does 'deep tissue' or neuromuscular massage therapy and has had extensive training. There are muscles in your lower back and the sides of your legs where the glutes attach and they would probably also like some attention.
Here are a couple of articles for you:
http://simplepainrelief.com/2010/04/01/therapeutic-massage-which-type-of-massage
http://simplepainrelief.com/2009/11/22/how-to-find-a-massage-therapist-who-can-r
Yes! You can massage your own glutes and it's pretty easy. A tennis ball or similar ball that is quite firm is the tool you can use. You could also use something larger like a small piece of carpet rolled into a tight tube, oh, maybe 2 feet long.
What you do is lay on the firm carpet roll or ball. Lay on your back (preferably on the floor--if you lay on the bed, a lot of the ball gets lost in the mattress. But if you have to, then look for a larger firm ball) and place the tube or ball in the center of your glute on one side. Look for the most uncomfortable place and place it there or roll onto it.
And then just lay there.
In about 5 minutes, you will notice that you really don't feel the ball much anymore. That means your muscles are relaxing. So move a little bit to find the next tender area. You are shooting for the gluteal muscles and not bones. I usually find about 3 tender areas on one side. You may find more. When each area relaxes, just move on to the next.
Knowing how to self-massage is very useful. And when you lay ON a tool like this, it allows gravity to do the work for you. :)
Davanna, I hope this helps and believe you are on the right track. A client should always feel comfortable and protected when they have a therapeutic massage.
And there are therapists who know how to drape modestly even if local regulation doesn't require it. We can still work effectively and you will not be totally exposed.
You are welcome. My pleasure. Thank you for asking these good questions.
Kathryn
Kathryn Merrow
The Pain Relief Coach
http://KathrynMerrow.com has links to all of my pain relief sites.
