I used to live my life without being true to myself. I used to concern myself with what everyone else believed was best for me. I let the opinions of family, friends, and even neighbors shake my confidence as a working woman and as an adult. Looking back, I think even portrayals of happy families in the media may have influenced the way I lived.
We all know many happy, well-adjusted people that have been raised by working mothers. It is a myth that children who have a working mother are deprived or have a lesser experience than children with mothers that stayed at home. However, if we agree with this belief, or feel guilty and fearful, then chances are our children will also grow up with this mindset. You see, it's our perceptions of life's events, not the events themselves, that have the greatest impact.
I choose to work. I am a competitive person and a perfectionist, and I no longer apologize for this. I'm also crazy in love with my children and I will do whatever is necessary to be the very best mom I can be for them. Just like you, I still have moments of temptation … if I gave up my career, I could have a lot more time. My hair would be perfect, my nails would be done, and my body would be in much better shape.
But I would not be myself. I would not be taking advantage of the college education I worked so hard to earn. I would not be an equal participant in the relationship that is so important to me. I would not be as accomplished in a world that often focuses on the tactical and material. I would not be giving my skills and talents to a group of people, to an enterprise that is bigger than me. And lastly … I would not be able to look Parker in the eye and say, "Kids go to school and grown-ups go to work." For me, this is not being true to myself. Eliminating guilt starts with changing our belief that we somehow need to "make it up" to our children. We don't need to apologize for working, we just need to give our very best every day.
By reframing our mindset to focus on the benefits of working motherhood, we will shed our guilt once and for all. The last step in this process to becoming a proud working mom is to remind ourselves of the many reasons we work.
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