If you’re interested in meeting new people to date, the Internet
match services are a great new option. The number of people
joining them is staggering.
If you’re new to the experience, here’s an FAQ for you:
Q: How can I be sure he’s not married? How can I be sure she’s
not a felon? A: The bottom line – there are no guarantees about
this or anything else in life. Unfortunately, deceptive people
are good at deception and you can’t always tell. With time,
experience and common sense you can pick up on the “red flags”
earlier. In your favor is the fact that people tend to reveal
more with the anonymity of the Internet than in real life. From
experience, I can tell you it’s likely you’ll be able to tell by
their language and by their questions. They “spill.” For tips,
email me for my free white paper, “How to Tell if the Man You’re
Dating is Married.”
Q: How can I avoid alcoholics and addicts? A: Again only time
will tell, but here’s one tip. When the person checks “don’t
drink”, this is a yellow flag, not a green light. Find out WHY
they “don’t drink”.
Q: Do websites screen applicants? A: The good news is that some
say they do. The bad news is they do it by requiring all
registrants give their social security number. This will limit
selection as many good single folks aren’t willing to put their
social security numbers on the Internet.
Q: There are so many websites. What sites should I register on?
A: Use your EQ to make the selection. Intuitively, when you go
the site it will appeal to you or not. On one site, people sign
in as “SeXy Fox” and “ReadyWillingAndAble”. On another, they use
their first names, “Sam” or “Martha.” Which is the one for you?
Are you after a man who leads with “Italian Stallion” or simply
uses his name? Is someone who calls himself “C” hiding something
or too “closed” for your tastes? The way the sites phrase their
questions can alert you to style as well.
Q: What type of person uses these sites? Q: Everyone’s using the
sites, but it’s especially well-suited for introverts. The
normal progression is website, to normal email, to telephone
calls to meeting in person. Introverts like a slow
get-to-know-you. If you like introverts, you’ll find more of
them on Internet dating sites than in local bars and social
groups. Extraverts tend to jump steps in the process. Extraverts
you can meet out and about.
Q: I’m sick of men (women) who just want a brief affair. I want
marriage. How can I find someone else who wants what I want? A:
That’s good – know what you want. Some sites let you choose an
array of desires from penpals, to friendship, to marriage, so
there’s one clue. Otherwise, the only way you’ll know is to ask
and find out.
Q: What kind of questions should I ask? A: Eharmony.com
(http://tinyurl.com/2lyea ) has a long list of pre-selected
questions you send back and forth that are good. Each time you
have contact with someone and it works out or doesn’t, figure
out the early clues and save yourself some time. You’ll quickly
learn that when someone asks you a certain question right-off,
they’re not the one for you. Their initial choices reveal a lot
if you’re paying attention.
Q: For example? A: Three leading questions that send off good
clear signals are “How do you feel about pre-marital sex?” and
“How do you feel about traditional gender roles?” and “Are you
willing to relocate?” These give a lot of information about what
the person is interested in. Ask yourself these questions, and
there’s no right or wrong answer, it’s simply what you’re after:
You’ll quickly learn when they ask XX question, press the delete
button.
Q: How can I maximize safety? A: Exercise normal caution. Some
of the sites give you safety rules. Read them. Common sense
would tell you to get to know someone before you invite them
into your private email or home. When you do agree to meet with
someone, make it a public place in the daytime, go in your own
car, and let someone else know where you’re going. Use the same
precautions you would anywhere else.
A: What should I avoid doing? A: That you’ll learn through
experience, aside from the safety precautions already listed.
When something goes poorly, write it down and don’t do it again!
Q: Should I try someone who lives far away? A: One of you has to
have some money, that’s for sure. Most sites let you roam the
world for a mate, if you’re so-inclined. If you’re after
long-term commitment, are you willing to relocate? Is he? How
are your (plural) finances? LD romances require a lot of money
and flexibility. You can easily run up a $700 phone bill in a
month before you even get to the plane tickets.
Q: What else should I check for? A: His pace should match yours.
Do you like a man who asks permission to call you after 2 months
or corresponding, or someone who looks your number up on the
Internet and calls you the next day? Do you want someone who
tells you right away they’re an alcoholic in recovery or have
been divorced 3 times or have a $300,000 home in the Bahamas?
Their pace of revealing both their strengths and faults should
match your tastes. Are they lying? Is she desperate and needy?
Only time will tell. Take your time.
Q: What if it doesn’t work out when we meet in person? A:
Sometimes it won’t. If you’re mostly motivated by appearance and
“chemistry,” it can be a shock. Everyone’s going to put their
best photo on the Internet and some people are more photogenic
than others. If you’re more after internal qualities, those you
will have experienced and they should still be there. Plan your
meeting so there’s an easy escape-route. If they’re in your town
and you meet for lunch, how long can an hour be? If you meet in
San Francisco for a weekend, even if you don’t hit it off for
romance, you can still have a good time and part amicably.
Q: Is it just for weirdos? A: Not at all. I know personally
people who met and married through an Internet dating service.
It’s confusing at first but you’ll hit the learning curve.
Internet dating is a viable option in today’s world. There are
plenty of good people using the sites. They may live in rural
locations, have little time to get out, prefer to get to know
someone in writing, or any number of legitimate reasons. If
you’re serious about dating, why not try all options? Use your
head and good luck!