In Stars Wars Episode IV: A New Hope, Princess Leia delivers the iconic lines: “This is our most desperate hour. Help me, Obi-Wan Kenobi. You’re my only hope.”
Princess Leia was not collocated with Obi-Wan or Luke Skywalker when this appeal was made. She wasn’t even live video-conferencing. This message—arguably one of the most compelling appeals in the history of film—was delivered via a recorded hologram from R2-D2’s mini projector.
Two things struck me as I watched this clip several times yesterday. First, I was surprised that hologram-based messages (from a 1977 movie) are not a standard form of communication technology today. [Alexa, can you please help move this forward?] Second, I was shocked by how much Princess Leia’s message moved me. Immediately, I wanted to join Obi-Wan and Luke in their attempts to rescue Leia and restore justice to the galaxy.
This got me thinking: If Princess Leia can motivate a rebellion against the Empire, why do I sometimes have trouble getting people to respond to simple emails? And if I am ever truly in need of help, either tangible (e.g., monetary needs) or emotional, what can I do to increase my chances of getting the help I need?
Man reaching with hand
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According to psychological research, some approaches work way better than others. In her appeal to Obi-Wan, Princess Leia used a few time-tested strategies that were key to getting others on her side. These strategies might be useful to all of us trying to get others to help us from a distance:
- Pinpointing a single person to help. Calling on one person to help, as Leia did with Obi-Wan, may be one of the best ways to get people invested in your cause. When a general call for help goes out to the masses (e.g., “Can someone prepare that slide deck for the meeting tomorrow?”) a diffusion of responsibility among group members may result in no one stepping up. In contrast, calling out someone specific for help with a task (e.g., “Chris—Can you please prepare the slide deck?”) gives the target person ownership, responsibility, and agency. Chris is more likely to respond and assume responsibility for the task, and he may even feel a sense of self-esteem for being the one selected for the task.
- Stating needs precisely. In the few lines before those iconic words, Princess Leia outlines exactly what Obi-Wan is supposed to do: deliver the R2 droid to her father in Alderaan; once there, Leia’s father will know how to access the information from the droid to save the Rebellion. There is no ambiguity in the message, no room for misinterpretation. Think about the following situation: Let’s say you’re reaching out to a friend because you’re taking care of a loved one and feel overburdened. Instead of saying “It would be great if you could help out,” perhaps pinpoint a specific need, like “Could you please prepare dinners for the next 3 nights and leave them at my house?” or “Could you call me each night for the next week, just to check in?” Clear, concise requests allow people to understand and fulfill expectations.
- Conveying a message of hope. As Desmond Tutu said, “Hope is being able to see that there is light despite all of the darkness.” When trying to enlist others to come to your aid, you may want to use this idea of hope to motivate others to help. According to Chadwick (2015), hope appeals require two elements: a) getting others to feel hope by presenting them with an opportunity, and b) suggesting actions that will to allow them to take the opportunity and accomplish the intended goal. Princess Leia does this perfectly and actually uses the word “hope” in her final sentiment. However, even when the goal is not as lofty as restoring peace to the galaxy, helpers want to feel that their efforts are not going to waste and that they will be working towards a goal that aligns with their interests. So if you want people to join in the final push on a big project, try saying something like “We have only 5 more short reports to pull together, and this project is finished! Genni—can you take one and finish it by Wednesday?” This will help others see the light at the end of the tunnel.
- Being direct and unequivocal. There is no question that Princess Leia needs help. She is clear. She says the words “help me,” and she doesn’t hedge with sentiments like “if you can,” or “if you have time.” The best way to ask for help is to reach out to someone and say “I need your help.” Unfortunately, many people may find it hard to reach out because they don’t want to be perceived as weak, or they may see some stigma attached to the help they are seeking (e.g., economic assistance) (Lens, Nugent, & Wimer, 2018). People also tend to underestimate (by as much as 50%) the likelihood of people saying “yes” to their direct requests, which led researchers Flynn and Lake (2008) to conclude, based on their series of six studies, “If you need help, just ask.” The best way to let someone know you need help is to be direct. And although it may leave you feeling somewhat vulnerable, it leaves nothing open to interpretation.
All of this said, some people might still be wondering how to best frame their appeals for help and/or whether they should even ask for help at all. If you’re still debating, it’s important to recognize that the benefit of helping doesn’t flow only in one direction. Psychological research has helped us reframe the concept of help from a unidirectional positive influence from one person (the helper) to the other (the one who is helped) to a bidirectional one. Indeed, there seems to be benefit to the one giving in the form of a "helper’s high." According to Dossey (2018) giving help to others might make you more in touch with the idea of the greater good and also might give you some health benefits, like lower levels of stress and depression and higher levels of happiness.
Princess Leia, ever wise, knew that if Obi-Wan helped her, it would help the galaxy, and she probably envisioned it helping him, too. Although (spoiler alert) it did not end well for Obi-Wan, if you reframe your requests for help as opportunities for others to shine, it can make asking for help a whole lot easier.
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