Navigating Long-Distance Weddings: A Parent's Perspective

Question
My engaged daughter attends college in a state 10 hours from our home.  She has expressed her desire to marry in that state, which is also where her fiance and his family reside.  I am disappointed at this, since most of her family and friends will most likely not travel the distance to be a part of her special day.  She has suggested the possiblity of another "celebration" after they return from the honeymoon in our state.  What is your opinion on this, and how are the invitation and reply cards worded if we do this?  I don't want people to think we don't want them to attend the out of state wedding if they choose to do so, but would like them to have the information on the alternate site. Would two reply cards in each invitation be acceptable?  How do we plan for numbers at the actual wedding site without feedback from the invitation replies?  How would you word the reply cards?  Should we include wording for no gifts, as some people might see this extra celebration as a ploy for extra wedding gifts?  Another person stated they would hate to miss seeing our daughter in her wedding dress.  How should she dress for a party after the honeymoon?

HELP!!!

Marlene Backert  

Answer
Mrs. Backert,

The "after" wedding celebration is perfectly acceptable.  However, this party must be treated as a separate event.  You should invite everyone to the wedding as planned, but, by word of mouth, you can let family and such know that if they cannot attend, an after wedding celebration will be held locally.  As with any event, send invitations to the "after" wedding celebration out approximately 4 weeks before the event.  Simply word the invitations as an invitation to Celebrate the Recent Marriage of Mr. and Mrs. John Doe.  A simple notation at the bottom of the invitation noting "No Gifts Please."  is perfectly acceptable.  The attire is absolutely up to you and the time of day.  If it is formal, evening is necessary.  I have handled many "After Wedding" occassions that are formal, and the bride wears her dress again and the groom is in a tuxedo.  Also, the parents and grandparents of the couple often wear the same attire that they wore at the wedding.  This can even be carried down to the bridesmaids and groomsmen, however none of this is required.  

Please let me know if I can of any further assistance.

Best Wishes,
Jerri