If your child is in daycare, it’s likely that you’ll eventually disagree with something
your childcare provider does or says. Recognizing when to say something, and how
to approach the subject with your provider, will help maintain a positive relationship
between you and your childcare provider and a healthy environment for your child.
The best way to resolve a conflict is to never let it happen in the first place. Make
sure you communicate with your childcare provider, letting them know your
expectations about the care you want your child to receive. If there are things that
you absolutely want a certain way, like your child not watching any television or
eating sweets, make sure you discuss them in the initial interview. It’s also
important to understand that parents and providers can have different views
regarding appropriate ways to raise a child. Understanding that your provider may
not do things exactly as you would, but that your child is still receiving quality care,
is vital in preventing conflict.
Despite the best communication, you still may disagree with something your
childcare provider does while caring for your child. Try to say something as soon as
you notice an issue. The longer you let an issue go, the more chance there is for it
to grow into something bigger. Also, the sooner you address the issue, the sooner
you can resolve it and clear the air in your relationship. Not addressing the problem
right away could create enough stress with your provider that you are not able to
repair the relationship and may need to find a new provider.
Ask your provider for a time to discuss the issue. If possible, choose a time when
you and your provider can talk without distractions. Don’t talk in the doorway with
your child tugging at your leg or when your provider is trying to manage 6 toddlers.
Allowing you both to focus on the conversation will help you hear what each other is
saying and really understand each other.
Explain your concern in simple terms, but do not accuse or blame your provider.
Use statements like, “I have a concern about how much television Mike is watching”,
instead of, “You are letting Mike watch too much television”. Both statements give
the same message, but the delivery style of the first one is less accusing and will
help foster a better discussion. You are both invested in the care of your child, and
being able to discuss any issues rationally and openly will help your child receive
quality care. Discuss the behavior that concerned you, why it concerned you, and
what you would like done to correct the situation. Listen carefully to your provider
so she can explain her thoughts on the situation. There may be safety or logistics
reasons why your provider is doing something a certain way.
Once you have discussed the issue, restate the solution that you both agreed on.
That way, you can make sure you both understand what the next steps are and how
the issue is going to be resolved. A question like, “Do you feel comfortable with the
solution we decided on”, is a good way to make sure you both are on the same
page, and gives your provider the chance to say if something is still bothering her.
Melissa Newby, MSW, has worked as a therapist and in marketing. She also co-
founded http://www.daycarematch.com with
her husband.