Don't buy gifts to cover your guilt: Two years ago, I was on a business trip that needed to be extended from three days to four. The timing was horrible--it meant that I would have to miss my daughter's parent-teacher conference for the second time that year.
In the hotel room that night, all alone, I felt frustrated with my job for keeping me away from my family, sad that I was letting down my daughter, and guilty for not being a "perfect" mom. When I finally arrived at the airport the next day, I was in a rush to get home to at least check in and hear how the conferences went, but no luck--my flight was delayed.
In my last-ditch attempt to make it up to my daughter, I started purchasing overpriced airport toys and candy. A few hours and fifty dollars later, I finally got home and gave Emily these "gifts." She liked them--of course, every child likes to receive presents--but it didn't make up for the fact that I had missed her conference.
It also reinforced the wrong message: that I had done something wrong when, in fact, I hadn't done anything wrong at all. This goes for goodbyes, too. Use words, not bribes, to encourage cooperation.
I've seen kids bribed with candy, toys, fast food meals, anything if they would just stop crying at the morning goodbye. It doesn't work. In fact, it increases anxiety by turning the goodbye routine into a daily test, and even worse - an expectation.
Life is full of obstacles and challenges. Be happy when things flow in your favor, but teach your children to know and expect that sometimes they won't.
Get into a routine: Another tip on accepting separation is acknowledging that the source of your child's emotions is often more centered on transitioning to something new and less about the actual separation itself. It isn't that they do not miss you (they do), it's just that your absence forces them to make a change.
Parker has problems transitioning in all kinds of situations, not just daycare drop-off. When he is watching his favorite television show and it is time to go somewhere, like a birthday party, he cries. When it is time to leave the birthday party, he cries. It isn't that he doesn't want to do the new activity; it is just that he can't see beyond his present moment.
Parker is a child that requires routine. He needs to get up at the same time, eat the same breakfast, and watch his favorite television show--all in the same order. He has only a handful of superhero shirts he will agree to wear. If I try to change any of these things, we always have some form of emotional outburst.
Because he thrives and depends on routine, I do my very best to keep it the same. So, on school days, we get up at the same time, have the same breakfast, and get dressed quickly. Then as a reward, we usually watch a few minutes of his favorite cartoon.
This difficulty in transitioning through change also applies to my older children. Every Monday morning, Emily seems to have a cough or a headache. I know that part of her aversion to beginning the Monday school routine is part acting, but more than anything it's her reluctance to move through the change from the weekend back to the weekday.
Now that I understand her challenge with change, I help her. I usually play along and tell her to get dressed and let's just "try school for the morning." We have an agreement that if she is still not feeling well after the first few school periods, then I will come and pick her up. Sure enough, once Emily gets to school I almost never hear from her.
Children crave structure even though they don't think they do. By establishing morning and evening routines you can help your children through many transitions: from home to school, from school to home, and from home to bedtime.
Samantha Knowles is the author of Working Mom Reviews. To know more about how to make your workouts more effective check out Workout finishers Review. To learn tips to to play the zygor Warcraft games - quickly check out Zygor Guide Review
