The profound link between pairs can be broken by marital infidelity to cause a dark kind of ache termed as 'attachment injury'. In most cases, lack of reassurance, when one desires it most, leads to increased emotional weakness. The partner who was cheated on may express their emotions every time they recall the incidence in an aggressive way that may offend the party that cheated. The result of this is more distance as the offender makes attempts to defend their actions. If the relationship is to survive, the infidelity has to be addressed mainly through having therapy sessions. The desire for treatment should be from each of the persons in a relationship. If one of them does not agree to it and feels forced, there are enormous chances of total failure of the relationship altogether.
The article further explains the use of Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy to solve the above-described scenario. The approach, according to research has proven useful in cementing back relationships that were on the edge of complete failure. In particular, the model used in resolving the marital problems is the 'Attachment Injury Resolution Model'. The model is made of a series of seven steps. These commence with the injured party expressing their pain over the incidence threatening to tear the couple completely apart. Aided by the therapist, the person is then helped to reveal the impact of the infidelity on them. The offender is made to understand the pain they have caused their partner, which is then followed by the injured party explaining their hurt in detail so that the offender can witness their helplessness at the situation. Upon doing so, the offender feels guilty and admits their mistake. The injured person then attempts asking for comfort and reassurance from their offender. The offender reacts in a gentle way that serves as the solution to the infidelity. A case study of the model is then given by David and Sarah, who in the end save their marriage and report to enjoy it thoroughly.
From the perspective of a social worker, I agree that the model is very efficient but only for couples like David and Sarah, who know their relationship deeply and have been to the therapist before. They both know how the other responds to ill situations and understand their coping mechanisms. In the case of newlyweds, for example, the model may not work out as efficiently. The couple may not entirely understand each other and how they react to different situations. Following the steps of the model would end up fueling the blaze instead of quelling it. It would require time and effort both on the part of the therapist and the couple to perceive things in the ways that David and Sarah do. Notably, the dialog in the article happens during their fourth therapy session and not the first even when they had previously sought treatment before the infidelity dispute. The attachment injury resolution should be limited for use later on in the course of the treatment, not in the initial stages.
In addition, the model seems to create an ideal situation like that of David and Sarah where both the parties are willing to talk it out. The injured person in the scenario is Sarah. She expresses all her feelings very openly which most women would do. If the case were to be turned the other way round, David would not express himself as Sarah did. Women let out their feelings and emotions very easily whereas men do not. Even when David is in the wrong, he is unable to express himself in the beginning. Instead, he sits with his hands folded with no expression on his face. At home, when Sarah bursts out emotionally, he does not express himself either. His way of coping is by avoiding her altogether. Mostly, I feel that the coping mechanisms of men have not been keenly considered in this model. As the intermediary between the two, lack of expression may make one feel like giving up on the matter too. If the man was the offended party, I feel that the model would be inappropriate more so when the coping methods used include avoidance. The absence of remorse from the offender may make the situation more difficult for the injured person who seeks to be understood. There are chances of offender faking remorse so as to get through the therapy session. Getting people to dialog in honesty is a huge role. The therapist, therefore, must use their best interpersonal skills to create such a forum.
One of the greatest assumptions made in the therapy process is that things will resume normalcy after the model is used. While it is the norm for a few follow-ups to be done, the couple may relapse after it is all ended. It takes much affection, patience and acts of kindness to mend broken trust. David in the end hugs Sarah and is affectionate towards her. In many couples, the offended person will still experience trigger moments only that they may be better at hiding them. There may be lingering doubts in their minds about the incident for a very long time even when they appear to be fairing quite well. As a social worker handling such a case, there is a need to recognize that trust is very expensive and cannot be installed and uninstalled as an offender deems fit. In a bid to cope with this, the couple ought to have periodic reminders of expecting gradual changes as opposed to instant healing. The couple must also re-evaluate the value of their significant other in their lives. As a therapist, the level of patience desired is also relatively high but can be achieved by having the target state in mind at all times.
There are instances when a repeat of infidelity occurs even after therapy. The model's steps are very predictable. Upon the first use, one may not take it very seriously. After all, talking and crying leads to forgiveness. There are people who may memorize the steps to their advantage while the offended person continues to hurt. Real change requires maturity in the parties affected and a desire from deep within to change. Failure to possess the two may render all the efforts of the therapist useless. Essentially, this means that the model can only be useful for the couples that see the value in restoring their relationships as opposed to ending it. External factors may push couples to seek therapy, for example, pressure from the family members. There is a need for motivation for both the couple and the therapist to transform the stained relationship into a healthy one.
Infidelity is a major threat to marriage. Some unions have worked through it while others have been brought down by the same. Addressing the problem of infidelity is the only way to make a marriage work as the impact it has are too high to be ignored. The emotionally focused couple therapy is an excellent solution to fixing marriages strained by infidelity. Earning back the trust of a person is a tough duty. In using the attachment injury resolution model, there are many factors that should come into play and not merely assuming that using the model will yield the desired effects. It takes sweat, honesty and the intrinsic desire for positive change. Regardless of the current situation, there is still hope of saving a marriage if a couple resolves the problem with the guidance of a therapist.
The author of this article is Esther, a professional article writer working for a company known as Bravia research company well known for medical writing services in US
