Her dreams of marriage and collected marriage values
disintegrate when she finds her husband/partner is sharing with
others what was meant for her. The partner is her/his own
property and dignity that she does not want to loose. Her man
for her is everything, whatever kind he is, she manages and
sacrifices to get along as long as he is honest and dependable.
Infidelity by her man is attack on her marital status and is
suicidal for her: •She looses the trust and dependability; who
would she trust when own man has cheated. She is devastated
sensitively and mentally. She leads her tensed life with
grieving emotions would be enough to develop mental and physical
deceases. •Both partners believe sexual partner as a personal
valuable asset that demonstrates dignity and pride. A sexual
partner is most valued partner becomes own dignity thus loosing
partner is loosing dignity. Unfaithfulness of the partner is an
insult to the personal values. So the matter becomes unbearable
and embarrassment if partner’s sexual attraction goes into
others hands is shameful and loosing self-respect. •Her
financial and other security is at risk. For a woman, her male
partner is her security and safety. In addition, for a woman who
is dependent, her man is the economic security. Her man shares
her necessities, burdens, takes responsibilities of her, and
kids. When he is there she is totally worry free. •Loss of the
best and emotional friend/partner she got. She, as she wished
could share with partner her sentiments, anger, sorrow and
everything of her was for her mental relief, what she cannot
share with unknown. So is an emotional attack on her. •For a
woman it is pride when her man is around her. Absence of the
partner results loneliness, which she would hate more than
anything. Loneliness exists when is unable to share personal
thoughts and sentiments with reliable person, is like killing
self. •She/he is not worried of her/his relation out side
marriage rather what worries him/her is loosing emotional
attachment woven during the whole episode. So more than the
security she looses the emotional values she possessed and
shared. Security is for survival and emotional attachment is for
the energy she needs for existence. That is why women feel
totally distressed when her man deceives. •For a man his woman
is his dignity and for a woman her man is her dignity and
identity. Her man is her identity as father of her children. Her
man is her identity as her security.
Living and sharing together is attachment of both souls they
unknowingly build. Feeling of oneness contributes to energetic
atmosphere. Feeling of meant for each other with who can fight,
love, share, capitulate, expect, involve sentimentally and etc;
all attachments are disintegrated when one cheats. Woman is more
touching as uses heart more than the brain to visualize so is
intolerable for her that her man shares his life with other
woman too.
Infidelity is psychological syndrome created by attraction of
the opposite, genetic and discontented behaviour, unrelenting
sexual and emotional craving. Infidelity is an outcome of fading
ambience, dislike, despair, humiliation, loneliness and etc. No
adult person can escape the attraction of opposite sex, it
influences our mind to admire and capitulate towards the
quality. Some attractions are too strong to influence us to get
involved emotionally despite married life; this involvement of
extra marital is named by the society as infidelity. Woman too
is human, she too has feelings and her body chemicals too react
by mental signals when comes in contact with attractive person.
She too perceives the virtues of attraction and imagines
relating with, but in many occasions her conscious prevents
getting involved observing the danger of family and social
consequences. In developed countries she has rights to leave the
partner for better. But when she keeps two philanders
simultaneously becomes offence and is extra marital relation.
Most marriages in rural and urban developing countries are
arranged by parents. Both would be partners are unknown to each
other. In our religious fundamental world woman is a second
citizen so has to live with the person loaded on her. Woman’s
role is to maintain home, taking care of children and at night
to act as sexual toy, beyond these if she thinks is an offence
which society can to tolerate. Woman has to accept all the terms
and conditions of the male partner. If the partner is disgusting
still she has to live under his cruelty, undependability and
humiliation. She has no other choice as religious and social
rights are curtailed; she suppresses her desires and dreams of
married life and consoles as this is her fate. For her life on
earth is the penalty for sins she committed in her previous
birth. Even Government laws can not protect them as social and
its religious laws are more effective. If she wants to live in
the society she has to obey the social compulsions. She can not
leave the unmatched and seek partner of own choice because it is
religious crime. If likes other man of own choice the only
way-out for her is to make affair in her dreams. Fear of
repentance is so dominant that she is scared even to dream the
liking person. If by mistake the pre marital love affair is
disclosed becomes humiliating for whole life. It is beyond
imagination of her man to accept as her past relation hurts his
dignity and pride for not having virgin woman as a wife. She has
to succeed the test of virginity in the first night of marriage.
If she fails is either sent back to the parents blaming her
impurity or left to suffer for whole life.
Whether developed or undeveloped or religious fundamental
country, woman is human she too possesses the sentiments and
desire to look attractive to be liked by others. Woman by nature
are very much conscious about their look is the nature’s law and
the sense behind this is to look attractive. The attraction is
an enticement to men to act in order to lure women for physical
contact. Some women escape keeping the social obligations in
mind and some get lured to initiate relation. Attraction is such
an enticement that some fall victim to it. Most control in fear
of social consequences by suppressing their craving. Yet with
some, emotions overpower so get involved unconsciously for
emotional attachment. Impact of social obligations is too strong
in religion dominated countries that she is made to repent for
her involvement. She is desecrated by the society for violating
social norms and becomes hatred for family and society. She
becomes evil and treatment is in accordance to her status:
•First she looses is the emotional attachment in the family with
whom she felt comfortable. In case she despised, she may feel
internally punishing the partner but externally she is still
helpless and needs a home to live, as she can not live alone in
this unsecured world. •She suffers when the truth comes out to
deteriorate her married life, makes her life hell. She comes
under threats, violence and humiliation from husband/partner.
•Her secret love affairs for craving is unbearable to the
religion so she is punished and desecrated to set an example so
others do not go for such conduct. •Dependant woman looses her
economic security and safety. Society and its religion
quarantine her to discourage participation and involvement in
social activities. •Suspicion of husband/partner as father of
her children becomes humiliation to her. She suffers identity
crisis. •Even though husband/partner forgives the infidelity yet
the feelings and pain remains in the heart thus home is no
longer sweet home to unfaithful wife. •Break from the existing
home is anxiety which she has to carry whole life whenever her
memory rebounds. •A child questioning her for loss of father is
embarrassment. •She may be economically secured but not
emotionally what she shared and stored.
Link to this article:
http://www.sadashivan.com/marriagedreamswhenfails/index.html