About 4 years ago, I did.
Until a good friend suggested that we try it. I had to admit, I
was curious, but wasn’t online dating for hideous losers and
people who had something to hide? Wasn’t it only for those who
couldn’t get a date the ‘old fashioned’ way?
I let my friend talk me into browsing some pictures on one of
the more popular dating sites. I had to say, there were some
pretty decent looking men on there. Their profiles made them
sound like fairly mentally stable human beings. I had to admit
that the single thing was getting really tedious. I had done the
bar scene (as we all have), had friends try to ‘hook me up’ with
some other dateless, picky single person (though, why some of
them figured they had the right to be picky, I have no idea),
with no success.
Online dating, here I come. I figured “What do I have to lose?”
At the absolute worst, I’d meet more of the same type of losers
that I’d been meeting. At best, I’d meet someone that I was
actually compatible with who could also relate to me.
I had another dilemma with regard to the dating thing. I had
been divorced for about a year at the time, and I have 2
children. Now, I know that you ladies who are divorced with kids
can completely relate to what I’m saying here. Finding a decent
man is difficult enough, add to that the fact that I’m looking
for a decent man whom I can trust to be around my children.
Finding a man anywhere on this planet, that I wouldn’t mind
having my son emulate, is like trying to find a pair of Manolos
on sale at Sears.
Anyway, I signed up with my friend on one of the ‘bigger’ dating
sites. I met one dude, who said in his profile that he was
5’10″, with an athletic build. He had an attractive face, he was
divorced, and he had 3 children who were presently in his
custody. He sent me an email. We corresponded via email for
about 2 weeks, after which time, we decided to meet for lunch at
a local restaurant.
He arrived at the restaurant earlier than I did. Early enough to
have been already seated when I got there. He barely stood up to
shake my hand upon saying ‘hello’, which I thought was a little
weird, but whatever. We talked from lunch time until the hour
turned into dinner time. The conversation was going so great,
that we decided to stay for dinner, after which time, we decided
to take in a movie. When the waitress brought the bill, he paid
it and as we stood up to leave, I saw why he was already seated
at the restaurant when I got there, and why he didn’t fully
stand up to greet me. This dude was about 5’7″ tall! Now, I’m
5’4″, and in the boots that I was wearing, I was nearly taller
than he was! I was so cheezed that I immediately lost my taste
for the movie, made up some excuse about not feeling well all of
a sudden (it must have been the fish), and boogied on atta’
there.
On my way home, I thought, “Is this what online dating is?
Dating loser after liar, never finding that ‘one’?” I’m not
saying that this dude was a loser because he was short. The
entire problem for me, exists in the fact that he LIED. I can’t
stand liars. If he lied about something as obvious as his
height, what else would he lie about?
I learned very quickly that when it comes to online dating, one
has to be extremely specific about what one wants, and one has
to stick to her guns. Not that some of those who read those
specifications give a hoot anyway. I put in my profile that I
wasn’t interested in dating anyone over 45, and I got mail from
men well past that age on a regular basis.
I learned that I had to be assertive almost to the point of
being aggressive when it came to dating online. I had to say
what I meant, and mean what I said. As a result, I’m dating
someone (8 months now) who meets every piece of the criteria
that I set out to find in a man. He’s physically attractive
(Yes, it DOES MATTER), and Lord help me, he’s as smart as a
computer (brains makes me weak). He’s also an amazing person
inside, and he gets along well with my children. We live at
completely opposite ends of the city, and if it weren’t for
bumping into each other online, I’m sure we would never have
met.
I chose to think about online dating as follows; when I’m in a
bar, and some loser tries out his lame pickup line on me, I have
to respond to him in some manner, right? When I’m dating online,
I don’t have to respond at all! I have more men to choose from
than those in my immediate circle of friends and associates, and
am able to choose from as far away as I want to.
If you’re thinking about doing the dating thing online, go for
it! If you’re smart, you have nothing to lose, and absolutely
everything to gain.
Copyright 2005 Nicolette Arden All Rights Reserved