The Kids have all left the nest (or just about?), the house is
empty and you’re wondering what you’re going to do with your
time now.
Seems like it just “happened” all of a sudden for some while
others knew the time was near and dreaded when the last child
(maybe even the first or perhaps only?) left the nest to head
off to college or whatever other plans they may have made.
So many Moms (and yes, Dads too!) have a difficult time
adjusting to this time even though you know that this is all
part of ‘the plan’ from the time they are born. After all we did
the same thing didn’t we? Went off to college, got a job and
moved out (eventually), or married and started our own life. And
yet, it draws near and you find yourself almost in a panic
wondering what you are going to do with the rest of your life!
You spend so much of your time ‘doing’ for the kids from the
time they are born; you find your life pretty much revolves
around theirs. Even for a lot of the Moms that have worked
outside the home for several years, it’s pretty much the same.
Get up in the morning, get kids up make breakfast, make sure
they’re ready for school, go to work only to try and make sure
you get off in time to make a ball game or other school
activities, (not to mention the times they are home sick from
school!) your life is still pretty much revolving around the
kids!
And even though, as mentioned, you know this time is coming,
it’s kind of hard to just shut all of this down and go on with
what amounts to a “new life”.
But, it’s here and now you have to adjust and deal with it! Much
easier said then done for some.
First off do give yourself a BIG pat on the back; you deserve
it. You have raised a child with the confidence to go out and
face that ‘big wide world’ and now you need to give yourself
some adjusting time. After all it’s almost like a time of
“mourning” for some, you feel like you have lost a part of
yourself, which, of course, is NOT true. Now is the time to find
that “Old You” or create a “New You”!
So many think their time as “Mom” is over with, which is also
not true. It just revolves into a different phase. You’ll always
be their Mom, even though it might feel at times that they are
shutting you out. Remember, they are going through their
adjusting period too! They settle down after a while, you start
adjusting to their being out of the house, then that more
“adult” relationship begins which can be very rewarding when you
start seeing your ‘child’ becoming an adult.
Meanwhile, it’s time to start thinking of you and what you want
to do with this new phase of your life.
If you find yourself just completely baffled at what you can do,
get a piece of paper and pen and start jotting down things you
like to do or things you use to like or want to do when the kids
were small but didn’t have time for. This may even be a good
time to jot down some of the “new” projects you’d like to try.
You might be surprised at how fast the paper fills up.
Do you like to sew? Cook? Go Fishing? Climb mountains? Do crafts
of any kind? Some are really getting into Scrap Booking right
now. Been thinking of getting a part time (or full time) job?
Maybe if you’ve been working you can change jobs or go for that
promotion? Possibly, you’ve been working and now want to quit?
LOL, the list could be endless. It’s all about what you want to
do now. Some Moms have even gone back to school and earned
degrees and started all new careers.
Seems like whether we like it or not, the kids grow up and we
have to move on with our lives (they certainly are!). Don’t you
think it’s what they would like to see anyway, that we are
adjusting and moving on, after all, we don’t really want to make
them feel guilty for growing up, do we? This time of our lives
can be what we make it, so let’s make the best of it!
Remember also, that a lot of us are starting to go through
Menopause at this time of our lives, which doesn’t exactly help
(alas, the trials of ‘womanhood’!). So if you are really
experiencing a lot of depression and finding it hard to work
though all of this, don’t be afraid or shy to talk to your
family doctor or minister. You may even want to consider
professional counseling. It’s certainly nothing to be ashamed
of. Think of your health and well-being. Try to make the most
out of your life and be happy and content.
For those of you who would like to communicate with other moms
going though this “Empty Nest Phase” please feel free to check
out the forum on Empty Nest Moms, “Live After the Nest Empties”.
You’ll find you really aren’t alone or “going crazy” as some of
the members have put it, plus you’ll receive lots of support
from those that know almost exactly how you are feeling!
You’ll find many topics to choose from as we have moms that are
in different phases of this Empty Nest, all ready to jump in
with support and suggestions.
Don’t forget, “you’re always going to be their Mom!”
Jeanine Herrin Empty Nest Moms www.emptynestmoms.com Be sure to
visit the new Empty Nest “On-Line” Magazine!
www.emptynestmagazine.com