Are you dealing with a guy who is confused about his feelings for you?
It’s not a fun experience.
It’s that sinking feeling you get when you feel like he doesn’t love or like you enough to take things to the next level.
But don’t be too sad right now, because with some clarity you can at least move forward with confidence and stop wasting your time being confused about his confusion.
Let’s get started.
There are palatable and non palatable reasons as to why a guy would be confused about his feelings for you.
Let’s get the non palatable reasons out of the way first. A guy would be confused about his feelings for you because:
Now let’s get into the more acceptable (less painful) reasons as to why would a guy be confused about his feelings for you:
None of these reasons, no matter how understandable they may be, feel good for you as a woman.
This is a difficult situation to be in and I really don’t want you to buy into his confusion, unless you have good reasons to in your unique case.
The best way to avoid buying into it is to get educated on what his confusion really means, without the BS and without the lies.
The next step is to get clear on the signs of confusion within him.
Here are the signs a guy is confused about his feelings for you.
(By the way, you can also check how committed he is to you by using our quick and easy quiz. It’s embedded below)…
Fact: Some men will string you along for as long as you will tolerate and never fully commit to you. Answer these 8 questions to discover precisely how commitment friendly your man is.
1. When I speak to other guys, and give attention to other men...
He gets jealous and isn't afraid to show it.
I know he gets jealous underneath but he tries to keep it cool
He doesn't have a hint of jealousy!
I don't know.
2. How willing is he to have a fight or argument with me?
He tries hard to avoid fights or arguments
He always wants things his way and won't listen to me
He doesn't show any avoidance to arguments.
I don't know.
3. What is his relationship with his father like?
He has a huge respect and talks fondly of his father.
There's not really a relationship between him and his father.
He talks about his father with disdain.
I don't know.
4. When I first started dating him, he mentioned commitment & long term relationships
Quite often, and he has been happy talking about it.
Occasionally, and he's a bit guarded when talking about it.
Never, he never likes to mention commitment at all.
I'm not sure...
5. How many long term committed relationships has he had?
At least 3 long term relationships...
Just one or two.
He's never had a long term relationship before...
I don't know...
6. How often does he push for sex?
All the time, and he gets pissed off if I don't give him sex.
Rarely ever, he cares about how I feel.
Never, he is a real gentleman
I'm not sure...
7. How keen is he to introduce you to his friends and family
Very keen, he wants everyone to get along with me.
He's not sure, he says he needs to find the right time.
Not keen at all, he tends to avoid the topic and drag it out.
I'm not sure...
8. How much effort has he shown you that he wants to learn about your friends and family?
Not much at all, he never asks me about my friends or family.
On the odd occasion, but he doesn't care about it too deeply.
He is always very fascinated with my friends and family
I don't really know...
We are analysing your quiz results right now and preparing a comprehensive summary. (It's a 15 min read)
In your personalised results email, we will also give you free advice and coaching to help you inspire a deep sense of emotional commitment from the man of your choice, even if you've had no luck with men so far.
Please enter your first name and email below so that we can safely deliver your results and explanation to you. (As well as give you $3,765 worth of coaching bonuses!) And yes, we'll treat your email like it was our firstborn.
If you feel like he’s always taking from you, it could be a low key sign he’s confused about his feelings.
A guy who always takes from you and doesn’t make you feel valued or cherished is likely playing the “confused” card in order to get access to things he wants.
This may sound dark and toxic, and that’s because it is.
But human nature isn’t always light and fairy-like.
Men (and women) come to get what they want at any cost quite often.
The thing you need to think about is, do you want to stay in this less than ideal position?
Do you want to sit there confused about a guy because he’s confused about you?
You probably don’t. There’s nothing worse than a guy leeching off you for your value.
And if you want to stay high value when a guy keeps coming to the relationship to take, here are two simple words you can say to him to ensure that you’ll look high value:
Of all the signs he’s confused about his feelings, this is the cardinal one.
A confused man will act cold sometimes and hot the next. Mainly because he doesn’t want to go too deeply into the relationship with you.
He doesn’t want to commit to you, but he doesn’t want to fully leave you either.
Talk about confusion!
A hot and cold guy could be consciously doing that to keep you hooked, or he could be going hot and cold because he’s insecurely attached.
This means he’s swinging from wanting intimacy and a relationship one minute, to pushing intimacy away the next.
How very frustrating and confusing.
For more information on men going hot and cold (and the 9 main reasons why they do this), see this video my husband and I made on the topic.
…Which would be emotional attraction and/or emotional connection.
If he indicates that he can’t shake the feeling that something is missing and it bothers him, it’s one of these two things.
And he can’t articulate what it is (like a lot of men can’t), so he gets confused.
In order for you to build a strong long term relationship with a man, you both need to feel lots of emotional connection and emotional attraction in the relationship.
Even if one of these is abundant in the relationship, if the other is missing, it won’t be enough for him to commit to you.
You need high amounts of both emotional attraction and emotional connection.
So make sure you have the skills of building emotional connection and emotional attraction (one effective way to build this is using high value banter).
A confused man will not be able to be vulnerable with you very often.
Confusion usually leads a man to be preoccupied. This preoccupation means he can’t offer you the vulnerability that’s necessary for a relationship to blossom.
He might be vulnerable enough to tell you that he’s confused, but that’s not really vulnerable.
Real vulnerability from a man is him making himself vulnerable to you through his actions.
Such as:
SPECIAL REPORT: How to Become the World’s Most Attractive & Feminine Goddess (Even if you have no self esteem or no man has ever paid you any attention…) CLICK HERE to download it at no cost.
A situationship is a relationship that isn’t defined.
You don’t know what you are, and neither does he.
You both may act romantic sometimes and hang out together when it suits you both, but there’s never any real emotional commitment from him.
And somehow you know in your gut that he’s not loyal to you.
If you’re not quite sure whether you’re actually in a situationship or not, here are all the signs you’re in one.
A guy who hasn’t developed feelings of romantic love towards you may prefer to keep you in a situationship, as it serves him.
He gets the value of you being available whenever he wants, whilst not having to offer you any true value in the relationship in return.
Recommended reading: The No.1 Trait of Dating Profiles That Men Fall In Love With.
…And doesn’t care how pulling away may affect you, or only comes back when he wants something.
To be honest, all men pull away at some point (or at least women perceive it that way).
Whether they pull away for hours, days, weeks or months, it’s no different – men pull away.
This is because they need to due to the fact that when they’re in their masculine energy, they block out people’s feelings.
It’s not conscious either.
It’s just their mechanism.
Conversely, you as a feminine woman find it difficult to ignore how you – or those close to you – are feeling.
Because this is where your feminine gifts lie: in nurturing and in responding to those you’re in a relationship with.
Regardless, if your confused guy seems to pull away very suddenly, and he does this a lot, it may be because he finds his own confusion hard to ignore.
It’s also due to preoccupation with the inevitable: that he has to figure out or “confront” how he really feels about you at some point.
Not in the least because you’re pressing him for it (or because you need him to work it out for the sake of your relationship.)
Related reading:
A lot of guys do this anyway. But a guy with confused feelings will do this all the time.
And you will really feel it. In other words, he will actively avoid having those conversations with you.
He doesn’t want to deal with it.
Another aspect to this sign is that he may use you as a scapegoat.
So instead of being truthful about his lack of intent to be with you in the future, he’ll bring up your (perceived) shortcomings to avoid dealing with your need for security in the future.
These shortcomings don’t even have to be real. They could be the most stupid things, such as the fact that you need to fix your grammar before you can have a future together.
Talk about toxic!
So one of the subtle signs he is confused about his feelings for you is that he is gravitating more and more towards addictions.
If your guy isn’t addicted to anything such as alcohol, cigarettes, drugs or porn, this doesn’t apply.
But if he is (or has been in the past), then his confusion around his feelings for you may lead him to fall back onto these addictions to cope.
See:
If a guy has many different feelings or even other people competing against his romance with you, then he won’t feel very in control or manly.
For some men, addictions will give him an outlet to escape (or perhaps even to feel more in control of his feelings).
So look out for increased addictive behaviors, as it could be one of the low key signs he’s confused about you.
Recommended reading: How to Stop Caring About A Guy (& Everyone & Everything).
There’s avoiding the topics of commitment, and then there’s stress.
If he visibly gets stressed when you try to discuss taking the relationship to the next level, he could be feeling incapable of solving the problem.
This lack of capability to solve the issues you are having and the uncertainty you as a woman feel about the future could make some guys stressed.
You’ll see signs he’s stressed when you bring up the future such as:
He may want to commit to you and give you what you need, but not feel entirely sure that you’re “the one” for him.
There is one specific emotional trigger within every masculine man that inspires him to want to commit to one woman for life, though.
CLICK HERE to LEARN the One Specific Emotional Trigger Within Every Masculine Man That Inspires Him to Want to Take Care of You, Worship You and Deeply Commit to You.
This is a weird (and scary) one, so bear with me.
A guy could have multiple personalities, which is a psychiatric disorder called Dissociative Identity Disorder (Multiple Personality Disorder), and this could lead him to seem confused about his feelings.
I would argue that he may not feel confused most of the time, since he’s mostly emotionally detached from his emotions and surroundings.
But he will definitely come across as confused, and his behavior will definitely confuse you.
So why is this one of the signs a guy is confused about his feelings for you?
Because he has multiple personalities, and one personality may genuinely like you, while another couldn’t care less about you.
This is obviously not ideal for you.
Especially since dissociative disorders like multiple personality disorder arise due to trauma.
By being with him, you’re kind of experiencing second hand trauma.
You may love him though, which adds another layer of difficulty to the situation!
If you notice this sign, just be careful.
Though a guy might be traumatised, there’s that slight possibility that he might also be dangerous.
When humans are confused and lacking direction in something, we may try to avoid anything that could make him confront that confusion.
Your friends and family may pick up on his ambiguity and expose his uncertainty somehow.
So why would he want to meet them or spend time with them?
Recommended Reading: 24 No BS Signs He Has No Feelings For You.
It’s not common for a guy to fight his feelings for you, but it does happen on occasion.
It may happen simply because he doesn’t like being vulnerable, and he doesn’t want to surrender to love.
Because love might mean pain or even responsibility to him.
Let’s be honest here though:
A guy who is truly in love will usually get over this rather quickly. Most humans aren’t going to actively sabotage their chances with their one and only like that.
If he is doing it though, it’s likely because he has intense fears, insecure attachment style or trauma growing up. If you’d like to discover your own attachment style (this is important because your core attachment style largely dictates and influences what happens in your relationship. Thus it’s imperative you understand your core attachment style! It’s right here below:
Fact: 54% of all women have insecure attachment styles and it affects their relationships daily. Answer the next 10 questions to discover what your attachment style is.
1. When it comes to relating to people in general…
I believe people are generally dependable and kind
I get attached to people easily and they often let me down
I don’t believe I can truly trust anyone
People will always come and go
2. To me, the word intimacy intuitively feels
3. In my relationship, I tend to constantly…
Worry that my partner will stop loving me one day
Feel repelled when my partner gets too intimate and close to me
Want to learn more about my partner without fear of judgment
Find faults in my partner
4. In my partner’s absence, I…
Look forward to seeing him again
Feel anxious and don’t know what to do
Feel incomplete
Feel free
5. In my most ideal relationship… (choose the one you feel strongest about.)
We would have our own lives & wouldn’t have to depend on each other
I would receive constant love and attention
We would be deeply connected above all else
To feel safe, I would want to have more control in the relationship
6. If a man that I was interested in started to banter with me…
I’d effortlessly banter back
I’d freeze and not know what to say
I’d redirect the conversation because banter is childish
7. If I suspect that my partner has been cheating on me…
I would rather not know about it
I’d ask them about it until they confess
I’d investigate it & find out as much as I can without coming to conclusions
I’d instantly get stressed out of my mind and become angry
8. When it comes to sex… I’d rather have
Casual sex with uncommitted partners
Intimate sex with a committed partner
I’d rather avoid sex.
9. If I share my deepest feelings and thoughts
Perhaps no one would care
Perhaps people may no longer love me
Perhaps I can resonate with the deepest feelings of others
I would never share my deepest feelings
10. If someone I’m dating suddenly becomes cold and distant…
I feel indifferent, even relieved as they’ll need less from me.
I feel like perhaps I’ve done something wrong or perhaps they’ve found someone new
I feel like I need to delve deeper into what is happening without feeling sorry for myself.
I feel angry and vengeful.
We are analysing your personal attachment style results right now and preparing a comprehensive summary. On a side note, it is important to understand attachment styles as a sliding scale rather than a fixed set of categories. Here are the reason why…
1. Your attachment style is not fixed but rather plastic, meaning you can over time heal an insecure attachment style, just as you can create more insecurity in your attachment style if you hang around toxic people in your life. Having a sliding scale offers you a solid direction to move towards.
2. Attachment styles should be considered as secure or insecure attachment styles with levels of severity when it comes to insecure attachment. This helps you understand how your own attachment styles developed in the first place and what direction you need to take in order to heal from attachment style traumas. (We’ll explain this further in the first email you’ll get from us.)
3. Almost everyone with an insecure attachment style has multiple categories and patterns within that insecure attachment, (of course to differing degrees).
In other words, you don’t just have a pure anxious attachment style. That may be the predominant pattern in your nervous system, but there is also avoidant in there too when you’re nervous system is overloaded and sick of being anxious all the time. This is why it’s more important to see this framework as a sliding scale and not just a mere set of categories.
So your personal attachment style will fit along the scale you see below.
In order to get your personal attachment style score, please enter your best email address so that we can securely send this to you. (As well as give you $3,765 worth of coaching bonuses to help you cultivate secure attachment within yourself!)
And yes, we'll treat your email like it was our firstborn.
This isn’t a direct sign he’s confused about his feelings for you, it’s more of a cause of his confusion.
But confusion can be evident pretty quickly when you’re lacking in masculine energy and integrity as a man.
If he’s a wishy washy guy, he may be too weak (and lacking in masculine direction) to tell things to you straight.
Instead of being up front and trustworthy (a man of his word), he’ll just let himself be unreliable and not give a damn about how it affects your life.
…Even if he won’t admit it.
Look at his actions. Is he actively looking for attention from other attractive women?
Is he always checking out other women when he’s with you?
Does he try to sneak in a cheeky flirt with other women when you’re out together?
If so, he may be a really confused guy.
This is called reciprocal liking.
There’s scientific evidence telling us that we are more likely to “like” and even fall in love with someone who likes us.
So if you liked him before he liked you, and you know that on some level you subconsciously pursued a relationship with him, he may like you too.
But this doesn’t always work fully in your favour, because he may not like you in return nearly as much as you like him.
But if you know that you liked him first, then he may feel a “pull” towards you because it was evident that you like him. And that’s attractive to us.
We like people who like us!
But he’ll also be grappling with that niggling feeling inside that it’s not “real” love for him.
In other words, he sort of does like you, but he’s not in love with you.
The feeling of love may not be authentic nor strong enough for him to pursue a committed relationship with you.
But he still likes you.
How…confusing.
Yep. Your own confusing actions may lead him to doubt his feelings for you.
If you’re hot and cold or playing manipulative games with him, then he will respond to that consciously and unconsciously.
And one of the ways he will respond to that is by becoming confused and unsure about you.
Your actions may indeed put a dampener on his feelings for you.
MORE: 20 Concealed Signs He Is Pretending Not to Like You.
…Or that you’re not committed to him.
If your actions don’t inspire trust in a man, his feelings will slowly fade away over time.
Of course, they may not fade away entirely, initially.
So he’ll be fighting his feelings a bit. On the one hand, he really does love you and may even idealize your love together.
On the other, the reality is that he can see that you’re bad for him, so he might hesitate to escalate things.
High value men don’t want to be with women they can’t trust. It’s a warning sign of bad things to come.
How to tell if a guy is confused?
Well, if his body movements always seem a bit jerky when you’re alone together, or if he spends considerable time avoiding eye contact with you, he may be confused.
Life is tough as a confused man, so he may go inward to try to work out his own feelings.
Another sign of body language that betrays confusion is him seemingly wanting to show you affection, but pulling back as he reaches in to touch you.
If spending time on dates with him makes you leave feeling all weird, icky and confused, you could simply be dealing with a confused man.
It’s natural that if a man is confused about his feelings for you, that his actions will make you feel uncomfortable and eventually, confused as well.
It’s just reciprocation. It’s your natural reaction to his behavior.
Sometimes men can feel love for you, but be attached to another woman.
Or he can feel lust for you, but be attached to someone else.
Married men especially may have this issue. So if you’re seeing a married man, listen up.
He may be attached to his wife, but feel lust or even simple love for you.
It’s actually quite hard grappling with feelings of attachment for one woman and love for another.
Love is not enough, but neither is attachment.
Only romantic love will be enough for him to commit to you, because it is when a man has romantic feelings for you that he sees you as his one and only.
Until then, you’ll be in the “one of many” category.
The good news is that you can increase your chances of being any man’s one and only if you understand the concept and what makes men fall in love.
I show you how to do that in my program “Becoming His One And Only”.
(The promise of this course is for you to have your chosen man fall in love with you & beg you to be his one & only by embodying these 5 feminine secrets, even if he’s been distant, avoidant, or losing interest…)
A man who is really into you and who respects you will really look forward to plans you have made in advance.
He’ll want to be with you and spend time with you. He may even make sure your plans are still on.
However, it’s the opposite for a guy who is confused about his feelings for you.
He may sort of like you, but not enough to make you important in his life or to commit your scheduled plans to memory.
Which one of these 8 feminine archetypes are you? Answer these 21 questions to discover which feminine archetype you are and how it positively and negatively affects every relationship you have. (Especially your intimate relationship with men.)
1. When I’m faced with something unknown, I trust
My gut feelings more than my thoughts
My thoughts more than my gut feelings
2. Confrontations are...
To be avoided if possible
Can often work in my favour
3. Regarding sex...
I prefer he initiated sex with me
I’m more than comfortable taking what I want from him in the bedroom
4. I would prefer...
Pleasure of the mind
Pleasure of the soul
5. When I have to make a tough decision…
My brain always knows the better answer
My gut always tells me what to do
I will get all the facts and data and make a decision
Give it some time and the answer will come to me
6. It’s more important to…
Pursue my own dreams and goals
Live cohesively in my tribe
7. The thought of newborn babies make me feel…
Very emotional and tender
Terrified
Happy and calm
I’m relatively indifferent to newborn babies
8. True or false... A man and a woman should get along if they love each other.
True
False
I don't know...
9. In social situations, I am...
The peacemaker who ensures everyone feels included.
The dominant personality who likes to lead.
The enigmatic figure who draws others in with mystery.
The observer who watches from the sidelines.
10. In terms of dancing…
I love to dance and move my body
I find it a chore
11. How important are other people’s feelings?
Super important to me.
Little importance to me.
Other people’s feelings are none of my business.
12. When I meet someone for the first time, I get a gut feeling whether I can trust them or not.
Very true
It usually takes me a while to figure this out
13. When someone hurts themselves...
I rush to see if they need help
I’d rather see them help themselves
14. When a friend is upset, my first instinct is to:
Run away, I’ve been used by enough friends
Give them some space until they're ready to talk.
Suggest practical solutions to their problems.
Give them a hug and listen to them
15. In my old age, it’s more important to look back and know that
You’ve connected with others and created strong bonds
You’ve achieved all your dreams
You had truly cared about those around you
You ticked everything off of your bucket list
16. Which is more true?
Conflicts serve a good purpose in my relationship
Conflicts are to be avoided in my relationship
Conflict will cause my relationship to die
With the right man, conflicts only strengthen our relationship
17. On a rainy day, I prefer…
The safety and warmth of my home
The excitement of a new exotic location
18. I believe in premonitions
True
False
I’m willing to entertain the idea
It’s a load of nonsense
19. In my current or previous relationship…
I enjoy how a man is so different to me
I get annoyed that a man is so different to me
We are so different I often thought I’d be better off alone
His differences make me appreciate and love him more
20. I would prefer to be more...
Liked by others
Envied by others
21. I can often feel other people’s intentions from a mile away
We are analysing your feminine archetype right now and preparing your personalised summary.
Here’s something interesting to know before moving forward…
Every single one of these archetypes has strengths and weaknesses. No matter how ego stroking it may be to identify with your archetype, know that it’s just a starting point.
It is your job to be aware of the strengths and weaknesses so that you can grow, evolve and become who you are meant to become.
Ultimately you want to become a full multi-dimensional human being. In order to truly become a high value individual, you want to tap into the value that every part of you has to bring to the table.
This feminine archetype quiz is one step along this journey to help you discover who you are, and who you will become.
So here is the next step.
Please enter your first name and email below so that we can safely deliver your feminine archetype results and send to you the extended explanation. (As well as give you $3,765 worth of coaching bonuses!)
And yes, we'll treat your email like it was our firstborn.
Yes, a guy who is confused about his feelings may even act resentful towards you, due to:
All these contradicting feelings he has will eventually become exhausting. And he may show signs he resents you.
Signs he resents you are:
Before I get into this one, it’s important for me to state that emotionally healthy and mature guys aren’t as likely to become abusive.
But guys with low self esteem are.
So if your guy is confused about his feelings for you and he has low self esteem (not an unlikely combination), he may start abusing you physically and emotionally.
Ideally, he’d just break up with you. But he can’t, because he enjoys the variety of being with you (and perhaps the sex).
But at the same time, he may secretly hate you, and hate himself for being so all over the place.
So he takes it out on you.
He may even be feeling guilty for using you, and can’t bring himself to feel it, so he gets angry and abusive towards you instead.
Nice one.
If this is you in this situation, I recommend you see it for what it is: a toxic relationship with a man who has zero respect for you, or for what you’ve given him.
A man who is confused may not be proud of the fact that he’s confused, because he knows it’s not a positive trait to have.
So he may try to uphold a certain image when you’re in public or in a group setting, and be a totally different person when you’re alone together.
The less sure he is about his feelings, the less he’ll want to invest in you, and the less he’ll want to give up his vacation time to be with you.
He may feel like it’s not worth it when there are so many other things he can do.
On the other hand, a guy who is sure about you, will spend time with you during holidays and even when it’s not convenient for him.
If he has ambiguous feelings, chances are that he won’t be able to be fully emotionally connected and emotionally committed to you.
This lack of emotional commitment will manifest in how little he truly engages with you.
He won’t listen as much, and you’ll feel like he doesn’t really care about the things you tell him.
He also won’t care much for your feelings.
This depends on whether you want him to want you sexually (and desire you sexually) or whether you want him to emotionally commit to you.
It’s not hard to get any man to want you sexually. You trigger sexual desire in him through showing up as the type of woman who desires him, and who triggers thoughts of sex.
You should also use attraction triggers to make his blood boil for you.
I have a complete guide on all the 17 Feminine Attraction Triggers that you can use to your advantage.
(The promise of this course is for you to discover the 17 Attraction Triggers that are guaranteed to make almost any man you wish to never look at another woman ever again.)
Now:
If you want a little more than just sexual desire from him, you have to trigger his desire to commit.
In order to do that, you have to exhibit certain high value traits. Because men give their commitment to (throw their commitment at, really) to the woman they perceive as high value.
Here are the some important ways to exhibit high value to men:
Like I said at the start of this piece, don’t buy into the confusion.
Confusion is usually a manifestation of other deeper issues that you don’t want to ignore.
Even if he’s genuinely confused due to past trauma or insecure attachment patterns, you need to not let the topic of confusion get in the way of your clarity in the situation (which you should have by now, since you’ve read this article).
Look at what his actions are really telling you.
Look at the lack of commitment.
Ask yourself if you can live with that.
Ask yourself if you can tolerate that and still keep your self respect intact.
If the answer is no, then you need to either one of three things:
As for which option you should choose, you will have to dig deep within and ask yourself the tough questions to figure that out.
Pro tip:
Don’t be afraid of the truth.
Because the truth will open new doors for you, no matter how painful.
I hope that my article has helped steer you in the direction that is right for you.
Please leave a comment below, I’d love to hear from you!
P.S. CLICK HERE to check out my full article archives! Or you may greatly benefit from one of our highly popular paid programs, CLICK HERE to see what we offer right now.
If you want to be supported by a warm community of high value feminine women, then join our Facebook Group. (It’s free and so incredibly valuable!) CLICK HERE TO join thousands of other women in our “High Value Feminine Women” Community.
By the way, while you’re at it, connect with me on social media.
Renee is the founder of The Feminine Woman & co-founder of Shen Wade Media where we teach women how to show up as a high value high status woman whom easily inspires a deep sense of emotional commitment from her chosen man. She graduated with a bachelor of Law and bachelor of Arts majoring in sociology and psychology. She has been a dating and relationship coach for women in the past 15 years and together with her husband D. Shen at Commitment Triggers blog, they have positively influenced the lives of over 20 million women through their articles and videos as well as 10’s of thousands through paid programs through the Shen Wade Media platform.
Connect deeper with her work through the social media links below.