Ethical Non-Monogamy: Benefits for Relationships, Wellbeing, and Sexual Health

7 min read

Monogamy may seem like the default setting for a healthy relationship—after all, once you've found "The One," why would you want to be with anybody else? But new research shows it's not a requirement for relationship and sexual satisfaction, two key indicators of wellbeing that can substantially contribute to quality of life. In fact, people who practice ethical non-monogamy "are likely to experience equal levels of relationship and sexual satisfaction" as those who practice monogamy, according to a 2025 meta-analysis of 35 different studies.

So, it should come as no surprise that interest in ethical non-monogamy (ENM), also known as consensual non-monogamy (CNM), is on the rise. In fact, 31 percent of American singles have explored ethical non-monogamy, according to the 2024 Match Singles in America report. This is up from roughly 21 percent in 2014, per findings from two national samples of single Americans.

But what exactly is ENM? “Ethical non-monogamy is an umbrella term for any variation of relationship styles that involves romantic or sexual relationships with more than one person that is consented to by those involved,” says Liz Powell, PhD, a licensed psychologist and author of Building Open Relationships.

“Ethical” is in the title for a reason, as it differentiates ethical non-monogamy from cheating on a partner with whom you’ve agreed to be monogamous. “ENM is different from cheating because in ENM, all parties involved should be acting with consent and clearly communicating knowledge of other connections happening,” says Meg Jeske, LPC, a relationship therapist and adjunct instructor at Lewis & Clark’s Graduate School of Education and Counseling.

Meet the Experts: Liz Powell, PhD, is a licensed psychologist, sex therapist, and author of Building Open Relationships. Meg Jeske, LPC, is a relationship therapist and an adjunct instructor at Lewis & Clark’s Graduate School of Education and Counseling. Joli Hamilton, PhD, MHC, is a certified sexuality educator and host of the podcast Playing With Fire. Libby Sinback is a relationship coach, educator, and host of the podcast Making Polyamory Work.

Types Of Ethically Non-Monogamous Relationships

Each relationship is as unique as the people in it, but many ENM relationships fall into these general categories:

• Casual dating: Many folks “date around” before settling down, which may involve dating multiple people at once.
• Monogamish: “Coined by Dan Savage, [monogamish describes] a generally monogamous relationship that allows for the possibility of occasional outside sexual contact,” says Powell. That might look like accepting that 100-percent monogamy is unlikely over the course of a relationship, or granting occasional explicit permission for outside sexual relations.
• Swinging: “Swinging is a form of non-monogamy that is generally practiced at the couple level, where couples interact with other couples (or occasionally singles) and swap or have group experiences,” says Powell. “Generally, swingers do not have multiple romantic connections and are romantically monogamous with their core partner, but are sexually non-monogamous.”
• Open relationship: “Open relationship” is a term that can mean many things to many different people, “but tends to lie somewhere between swinging and polyamory,” says Powell. “There is generally some openness to multiple romantic [or sexual] connections, but there may be limitations on how deep those relationships can become.”
• Polyamory: Typically, people use the label ‘polyamorous’ to describe themselves “if they are intentionally creating multidimensional love-based relationships,” says Joli Hamilton, PhD, a certified sexuality educator and host of the podcast Playing With Fire. Like ENM, polyamory is an umbrella term, as there are multiple different types:
  • Hierarchical polyamory: Hierarchical polyamory is a version of polyamory in which certain relationships and partners are given higher priority and privileges over others, says Powell. “Often, this is a couple who consider each other ‘primary’ [partners] and get a say in what happens in each others’ relationships with other people in a way that those ‘secondary’ partners do not.” For example, a primary partner might veto certain behaviors, like not allowing their primary partner to be intimate with a secondary partner in the shared home.
  • Closed polyamory or polyfidelity: This is “a model of polyamory where a group of partners agree to not date any other people outside of that group,” Powell says. “This is most commonly a closed triad or quad but can be any number of people.”
  • Non-hierarchical polyamory: This style of polyamory prioritizes every relationship equally, says Powell, although that doesn’t mean every relationship is exactly the same. It just lacks the fixed power structures of hierarchical polyamory.
  • Solo polyamory: This is “a version of polyamory practiced by people who do not want to follow the relationship escalator,” says Powell. ICYDK, the relationship escalator describes the traditional steps serious romantic relationships should follow as determined by one’s culture or society. In Western culture, this escalator typically looks like: courtship, commitment, moving in together, getting engaged, marriage, buying a home, and having kids. Instead, those who practice solo polyamory typically “want deep, meaningful, long-term relationships that don’t involve a sacrifice of individual identity,” Powell says.
• Relationship anarchy: This is “a model of relating that does not see ‘friends’ and ‘partners’ as different categories but instead allows each relationship to find its own way of being and existing,” says Powell. “This may include multiple romantic and sexual relationships, or it may not.”

How To Tell If Ethical Non-Monogamy Is Right For You

Some people feel drawn to forms of consensual non-monogamy as a result of their early dating adventures, and others come to it later in life for a variety of reasons, including:

• You'd like the freedom to explore your sexuality and/or different kinks and fetishes.
• You have an inclination or desire to love and/or be in relationships with multiple people.
• You desire independence.
• You and your partner have “a mismatch of sexual desire or identities,” says Jeske. (For example, one person is asexual or graysexual, while the other is more oriented toward sex.)
• You're in a long-distance relationship or partnership where one person travels a lot, Jeske says, and you want to explore connections in your immediate area.

Ultimately, the only way to know if ENM is right for you is to “spend some time reflecting on your values, and [your goals for] romantic and sexual relationships,” says Libby Sinback, relationship coach and host of Making Polyamory Work. “Reflecting on this and the role those types of relationships play in your life can help you figure out if non-monogamy is truly aligned with who you want to be and how you want to live.”

How To Practice Ethical Non-Monogamy

1. Do your research.

Before you make any physical entry into ENM, Sinback recommends seeking out resources, such as books, podcasts, and articles (like this one).

Best Books On Ethical Non-Monogamy

Besides educating yourself at home, it can also be useful to seek out people who practice ENM in your local community, says Sinback. For example, you might attend a meet-up, whether online or in person, and cultivate connections with those who can share their own personal experiences and offer a supportive environment.

2. Prepare for a paradigm shift.

“If you’re already in a [monogamous] relationship and thinking about exploring ENM in the context of your current relationship, it’s important to know that going from monogamy to ENM is not a process of small tweaks but instead a major restructuring of the entirety of your relationship,” says Powell. “Part of being successful in ENM is unpacking the norms of heteronormative, mono-normative culture.”

Okay, but... how? Start by asking yourself and your partner these questions, says Hamilton:

• Are you willing to question your assumptions?
• Can you self-regulate when you feel triggered?
• Are you willing to be curious about what works for the people you are relating with?

“If you have a solid sense of why you are exploring, and you’re willing to invest energy in the process of experimenting,” Hamilton says, “you may find that there is a style of ENM that works great for you.”

3. Familiarize yourself with relational tools and practice them.

“When opening an existing relationship, folks will often try to create agreements or rules that are designed to help alleviate their fears, anxieties, and insecurities,” says Powell. “[However,] these kinds of agreements and rules don’t tend to work out well in the long run as they are structural solutions to emotional problems.”

Instead, think about what you would want in certain situations and figure out what emotional or relational work you need to do to get there. For example, if you want to feel secure enough in your relationship to manage jealousy and be happy for your partner’s happiness with others, you might familiarize yourself with the practice of compersion.

4. Use online tools to explore IRL.

When you feel ready, look for like-minded matches on dating apps. Pretty much any app can work for ENM these days, so long as you choose the appropriate profile settings and make it clear in your bio that you’re non-monogamous. That said, dating apps Feeld and #Open are favorites among the ethical non-monogamous crowd because of their open-relationship-friendly features, such as the ability to link to a partner’s profile.

5. Remember your self-worth.

“So much of the drama of ENM comes down to [people’s] fear that if a partner turns their attention to someone else, it must mean [they] are lacking in some way,” says Hamilton. “[That's why] developing a strong sense of self-worth is invaluable.” Granted, this can be tough because in the monogamous paradigm, many tie their self-esteem directly to being someone’s special person, she adds.

So, if you struggle with jealousy or feeling like you’re not enough, double down on your self-worth affirmations, share your concerns with a mental health counselor (if that's financially feasible), and be sure to put effort into your friendships, says Hamilton. And of course, you can always ask your partner(s) for reassurance when you need it.

Stella Harris is a certified intimacy educator, professional coach, trained mediator, and the author of Tongue Tied: Untangling Communication in Sex, Kink, and Relationships and The Ultimate Guide to Threesomes. Her freelance career is never dull; highlights include being sent to a strip club with a press pass, appearing on the evening news to discuss the importance of sex education in schools, and speaking as an authority on banana slug mating habits. In her free time, she curls up with scary books and horror movies.  

Lindsay Geller is the lifestyle director at Women’s Health, where she oversees the Sex & Love, Relationships, and Life sections and manages Women’s Health+ content. She has 10 years of experience covering sex, relationships, health, fitness, and general lifestyle topics for print and digital publications. She currently lives in New Jersey with her husband and loves going on runs around her local park with her rescue dog.