Have you ever heard of a narcissistic wife? If your answer is no, let us know them in this article. Many people have narcissistic wives. The traits of a narcissistic wife include self-love, narrow-mindedness, and manipulative behavior. She also shows selfish behavior.
According to clinical psychologist Dr. Shane K. Perrault, “Lack of empathy, a self-centered personality style characterized as having an excessive interest in one’s physical appearance, and an excessive preoccupation with one’s own needs, often at the expense of your and other family members and friends are the telltale signs of a narcissistic wife.”
A narcissistic wife usually isolates you from the outside world. They will restrict your movement and not allow you to meet your friends and family. They can make you feel guilty for all things that go wrong. All these restrictions and manipulative behavior can seriously impact you, and it can drastically lower your confidence and self-esteem. This article lists the traits of a narcissistic wife. You may use them to check whether your wife is a narcissist or not. If she is one, use the steps mentioned in the article to tackle her. Scroll down!
In This Article
A narcissist is someone who has an inflated sense of their own importance. While it isn’t uncommon for partners to work productively towards happiness as a team, a narcissistic wife is more prone to putting herself first. She doesn’t mind being jealous of her husband’s accomplishments and trying to one-up him in this regard. She yields temper like it is Zeus’s thunderbolt, and while you may think she has a temper, others around you are definitely scared of her nuking them (metaphorically, of course) at some point in her life.
Her extreme love towards herself may result in her sidelining her husband and even her children to focus on herself. There are chances that these signs may be symptoms of narcissistic personality disorder, but at the same time, they may simply be traits of selfishness that someone exhibits.
Note: When we say ‘narcissistic,’ we mean the trait of narcissism that a person portrays. It does not refer to narcissistic personality disorder, a psychological issue that must be dealt with by mental health professionals.
If you relate to any of the personality traits discussed above, you may be dealing with a narcissistic wife. Head to the next section to get a clearer picture and know the signs exhibited by someone who is a narcissist.
Drama is her everything, the pivot of her being. And it does not refer to the cutesy K-dramas that everyone’s obsessed over of late. Instead, it is the never-ending hard and cold soap drama that goes on for hundreds of episodes. It will leave you emotionally, mentally, and physically drained.
Praise is good, it is encouraging, and it is nice… Well, not from her. Hiding behind every single praise is a backhanded comment. And if you are smart enough to figure it out (which most people are), it HURTS. It will leave everyone in self-doubt, which is definitely not the best place to be in.
It is not a healthy form of competition; it has to be the ugly competitiveness with a pinch of jealousy… or maybe the whole bottle of jealousy. First, she will compete with your kids for your attention, and then, she will compete with you for whatever new feather you have in your hat. The bottom line is she is jealous, and she is competitive for whatever reason and with everyone.
Abuse can manifest in many forms — physical, mental, emotional, psychological. While your narcissistic wife may not portray physical abuse, mental and emotional abuse are the ones she wields at the ready. It can be anything from snide comments that jab at a person’s feelings to mentally scarring someone.
SubscribeLack of empathy is their telltale feature. Since everything is about her, even your wounds belong to her story. Did you hurt your elbow? Oh, don’t worry. Even she once had a huge scratch on her hand. Anyway, everything is about her. You know, right?
She knows she has got it, and she doesn’t mind using it! Sexual appeal is but a gun in her arsenal of weapons. And it is one that works, and she doesn’t mind hanging it around your neck.
She will act like she is completely concerned for your wellbeing but ends up criticizing you, making you question yourself. The things she criticizes you on may not even exist! You did the dishes today? Oh well, you left a spot! Did you get promoted to team lead? Hmm, maybe it is one step closer to the CEO! There is really no satisfying her!
It is not an exaggeration; she has an extremely short fuse that blows up at the drop of a hat. It is not like the volcano that erupts once in a few hundred years and then stays calm for the next few hundred. Nope! She is the volcano that keeps erupting and never ceases.
You have to get her gifts, praise, trust, unconditional love, and everything else you can give her. But she isn’t obliged to return anything, or at least that is what she thinks. While you thought it was endearing initially, now, it has just become burdensome.
She will make you question your reality, your sanity, and your sense of self. Her actions and her words always leave you confused, hurt, and in serious need of therapy. Of course, you won’t figure it at the start, but as time passes by, it becomes a huge chunk of emotional manipulation.
Even though you are married to her, you have started feeling lonely. It is like you are the one pulling the whole weight of the family, and it has started weighing on you and wearing you down.
Another master tactic in her hand is to make her jealousy and ‘me’ attitude come off as concern for you. It could even mean her crying off to your parents about how she is concerned about you and all the issues you are currently posing.
If you tell her she is wrong, she will not hesitate to wage war. If you still argue… well, we don’t want to be in your place! Your every habit has been criticized at least once, making you change your behavior, become conscious around them, or both.
Another way she criticizes you is through your style of parenting. Nothing you ever do will make it good enough for the kids. And if she is the one doing more of the parenting, she still won’t sit back. She will criticize something else regarding your style of parenting.
Her form of revenge isn’t throwing tantrums or busting some cool martial arts moves. Instead, it will involve putting a dent in your wallet — a huge dent at that. It doesn’t even matter if she has her own source of income.
Narcissistic wives may be difficult to deal with, but you shouldn’t lose hope just yet. There are ways to tackle the narcissistic tendencies through couple’s therapy, counseling, or certain modifications in your behavior to invite changes from her end.
It may come as a shocker, but the person one lives with them can impact their behavior. So, the first step for you would be to understand if the narcissism your wife displays was in any way projected by you. Dr. Perrault suggests, “Ask yourself what about her appealed to you, and did you do anything to traumatize her and bring this side out. Many spouses’ personalities shift after a traumatic event.”
If you aren’t co-dependent and didn’t play a role in her narcissism, couple’s therapy or counseling is the way forward. It will help you figure out just how you can better work in your relationship.
Another important piece of advice would be to choose your battles. Don’t argue with your wife on small issues based on insults and petty comments. By definition, individuals with narcissistic personality disorders lack insight and have impaired judgment, so talking it out will likely yield limited results. These small fights will act as bait for you, giving her a reason to pick a fight in the future.
A smart way of dealing with a narcissistic wife is to ‘make them think it’s their idea.’ If you wish to convince them about something, do so in a manner that they will eventually believe that the great idea was originally theirs.
While it may seem immensely difficult to understand and deal with a narcissistic wife, a good way to counter this negative aspect would be to maintain other healthy relationships around you, be it with your children, family, or friends.
Talk about yourself as a couple and about your future in a manner where both of you are involved. For example, instead of using ‘I,’ ‘me,’ and ‘mine,’ use ‘we,’ ‘us,’ and ‘ours.’ This simple change could bring about a world of difference. It will help your wife realize and understand that this relationship isn’t a battle she is fighting against you, but it is something where you both learn and grow together.
Every relationship has its ups and downs. In the end, what matters is facing all challenges with trust and love rather than turning on each other. Make love, not war — while it may be a clichéd quote, it definitely applies to all those out there who have a narcissistic wife. It may seem extremely hard and almost impossible at times to handle the negativity and abuse. But remember, there must have been something in her that charmed you into marrying her. So, think back and introspect; try to reignite that spark. Maybe all your relationship really needs is honesty and trust from both sides.