QuestionQUESTION: Hello,
This is sonia here.There were too many followups so i have to ask a new question.
my earlier ques were dis,http://www.allexperts.com/user.cgi?m=6&catID=1320&expID=94552&qID=4798621
So should i stop taking this pills.
there would be no harm na if i stop taking these pills .
Hey and as per your advice i had told my boyfriend that i dont want to have sex till i get married and he is ready...bcoz he loves me very much...and we are going to get married after 5 yrs..coz we both need to sette with our careers.
So can we control our sexual urge...ie when we come together,or when we are alone..sex just happens....
pls tell me is there any alternative to control our sex needs.
thanks..
ANSWER: Hello, sonia,
I remember you well, and I remember what I told you. I wish they weren't quite so strict about follow up questions. That should be my decision. :)
I would recommend you find a better way to get calcium and Vitamin D. I probably told you way more than you really needed to know. Once you find better pills, stop taking the ones you are taking. Perhaps the doctor would be willing to help you find something safer. Ask him.
As for you and your boyfriend, in my opinion, it is very unwise to wait for five years to get married. You really need to be together, and it's actually cheaper and better to get married now. When we got married, my husband still had four years of college ahead of him. He had no trouble starting his career afterward, even though by then we had a child. I wanted to be a mother more than anything else, so I didn't worry so much about a career. Instead, I am doing my career now. I realize that in India, marriage means a large celebration, and that is really as it should be, because marriage is serious,and it's for life. You may have trouble affording an elaborate wedding, but you can probably find ways to make it less expensive. Does one of your relatives have a dress she would be proud for you to wear? What about borrowing jewelry? In the United States, it is common to borrow things for a wedding. We even have a poem about it. Can you come up with recipes that have less expensive ingredients? Can you find a natural, beautiful place with trees or other beautiful things, for getting married, that won't be expensive like a hall? Is it the practice that gifts at a wedding in India are cash? If so, you can use some of that to pay for the wedding.
I have a friend who has serious financial problems. She has had these as long as I have known her, about 30 years. When her older son had a coming-of-age ceremony, it was expected that she would pay for a very elaborate situation with the ceremony and a feast afterwards, and that there would be other festivities. She could easily have spent $10,000 or $20,000 on it. But she was very creative. She provided refreshments for many people, and she arranged for her son and his friends to go to an interesting place (like a dude ranch or something, I don't quite remember what). The total cost for what she did? $3000.
Be creative!
If you are actually planning a wedding, this would help you stay in control of your sexual urges. Also, don't go to a place where the two of you are totally alone, where sex would be possible. Please know that even if you have a baby, you can still have a career. It's more challenging, but it can be done. If you are unable to figure out how to make it work, you won't want a child even once your career is established. Depending on what you decide to do for a career, it may be possible for both of you to take turns taking care of a baby. One can work while the other one is taking care of the baby. It means that you may work some strange hours, but it does work out. You should breastfeed (it's much less expensive and healthier) and that means that at first, you probably won't be going to a place of business without your child, but after awhile, you would be able to do this. And you can always pump your own milk at work and save it for your baby. You may be able to take the milk to your baby during your lunch hour.
We human beings weren't designed to put off having sex for years. Women are healthier and have easier pregnancies if they have children while they are young. If you postpone your family that much, you may end up not having any children at all. Right now, you are in your best childbearing years.
Please feel free to write as many times as you need to, to get answers to all your questions. Please take care. You deserve a better life. You deserve respect, and for your boyfriend to cherish and protect you. Let him be your strength. Go ahead and get married! :) Tell him that's what I advised you to do.
---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------
QUESTION: hi dear,
He is not at all ready for marriage.
Bcoz he and me have a elder sister who are still not married, so we cant get married before them.
Then also i will try to convince him..
Thanks for your valuable advice.
AnswerHi, sonia,
You're welcome.
I realize these are important cultural rules, and you would like to keep them. But what if one of your elder sisters never gets married? It's wrong to put your life on hold for that reason. Our oldest son didn't get married until he was 40. Everyone else got married before he did. While I appreciate the importance of culture, this is no longer an absolute requirement, and I think it can be destructive.
If he isn't convinced that you should go ahead and get married, you will have to be strong. Don't let him have any more sex. This is far more detrimental than getting married before his elder sister does. Make sure you don't go to a place where it is private enough to have sex. He may well try to persuade you to go there anyway (if you are living together, you should try to find separate living arrangements). But stand firm. Don't give in. It will be difficult to discuss all of this since you are the woman, but do your best.
I hope things go well for you. Please let me know how things turn out.
