QuestionHello Pat
I think I wrote to you some time ago.I will summarize what happened I took 5 cytotec pills but abortion failed.I was 2 months preg.I ve a lot of stresses in my life including being worried about the baby' health (I'm now 7 months preg) I don't know if the baby will be ok although the ultrasounds hasn't found a problem.
My other problems are that I'm now suffering from unforgiveness,hatred and bitterness. The father of the baby was so evil and cruel to me. I don't know how to get over that. I have been crying for the past 7 months.I don't want him to love me but I wish he wld genuinely ask for forgiveness for the pain and hurt he caused. He used to give the phone to his girlfriends when I needed help and emotional support. That's why I took those pills, I was tired of crying,tired of trying and tired of being hurt.I know it was also my fault and he ran away with all my savings. The police can't do anything cz he changed his job and he moved.
Life is unfair Pat, he enjoys life but I cry every night, I cry for the baby and for all the horrible things he did. Now I can't sleep and I relive the things he did to me. There is no peace for me.I'm so tired. He would make me wait in the rain lying that he wanted to meet me somewhere so that we talk about the baby. Sometimes I feel like dying from the shame,anger,hatred,guilt and bitterness. I don't understand why God made me meet someone who destroyed me. I always ask God why....I don't see the purpose there pls help me understand
AnswerHello, Lori,
Yes, I remember you. It's been a couple of weeks, so I assume you are close to the end of 7 months. :)
You desperately could use some counseling. You can get online counseling here:
http://www.optionline.org/
There may be an organization in Iceland that can help. Check with the folks on this web site:
http://cfcffl.net/index.php/speaking-up
I do NOT recommend the Catholic religion, but I have found most people involved in this work are very helpful, including Catholics.
I can perfectly understand wishing someone would ask for forgiveness. I have walked that road many times. The asking is not forthcoming. It sours relationships, it hurts my mood all day. It causes me endless grief and pain. One of the reasons I hurt so much is that there is always hope that the person WILL ask. In your case, I don't see that as a possibility. He was just using you from the get-go, and he's not about to change.
He WILL get his reward. We don't know when. But there is perfect justice in the universe. He will suffer, in this world or the next. He must be a lot more miserable than he is admitting to himself. A person who is genuinely happy doesn't need to go around using women.
God didn't make you meet this man. Please try to distinguish between the role you played, and the things that aren't your fault. You played a role when you agreed to sleep with that man. It was your free decision. That said, the attitudes he is displaying, and the fact he deceived you to get you to sleep with him in the first place, are his fault. You have every right to be angry, even outraged, at him. In fact, this is part of the process of healing emotionally. You will only heal emotionally and spiritually when you forgive him. But forgiveness is really, really difficult. You don't FEEL like forgiving him. This is why it is important for you to know that forgiveness is NOT an emotion. It is a decision. It is the decision to accept the hurt and not to strike back. Remember, Jesus was hurt by our sins, and He died for them, suffering the worst possible penalty, but He did it BECAUSE He forgives us. So you should pray to God for His help to forgive the man. Ask God to help you to want to forgive him. Chances are, you may reach a place in your prayer where you can make the decision to forgive. However, the next day, you still feel angry, and you no longer have the desire to forgive. Pray to God again and ask for His help to make the decision to forgive. Do this until God's forgiving spirit heals your heart. You may even tell God, I don't WANT to forgive this man; You will have to help me want to. He will.
Forgiveness is important because failure to forgive hurts US more than the person we are trying to forgive. This man is undoubtedly totally oblivious to the hurt he caused you. Forgiveness is part of the process of healing. Spiritual healing requires it. Jesus requires it. His forgiveness of us is conditional on our forgiving others. See the Lord's Prayer.
God has a purpose for your little one's life. We don't know what that purpose is. You will find out. It may take a few years, but in the end, you will know. I can also tell you this from personal experience. God DID give you this little one. God only gives good gifts. Trust Him. He knows you need this baby. Many women have told me that the baby they didn't want turned out to be the miracle they didn't know they needed. For now, just trust God. He will nurture you if you let Him.
I will pray for you. I pray that God will give you the ability to forgive the father of your child. In Jesus' name. Amen. I will be here for you. Take care.
