Something happened to me earlier this year when I looked at my daughter, who is in eighth grade. She excels in school, participates in many extra-curricular activities, and seems to have a very full social life. I am very proud of her. But one night, while I was helping her plan her weekly activities and finish homework, I noticed that she looked tired. In fact, she looked utterly exhausted. Seeing her in that moment made me realize we needed to cut back.
As my kids grow, we're constantly offered opportunities to do all types of activities. Swimming, cheerleading, karate, dance, volleyball--if we attempted to do all of them, I would constantly be in the car, writing checks, and in a terrible mood.
A lot of working parents feel the urge to "hyper-parent," to schedule healthy and educational activities for their children every minute of every day. I, too, have been guilty of this. But, through my own efforts of "progress, not perfection," I've taken strong actions to stop.
So, when it comes to choosing activities for your children to pursue, keep these general principles in mind to prevent a chaotic schedule:
Choose activities the kids want to do. I have spent so much time and energy trying to push Emily into swimming, my sport of choice when I was her age. But she just never enjoyed it, and getting her to practice three times a week was an incredible challenge. It was expensive, time-consuming, and frustrating for everyone involved.
Once I got past my own ego, I realized I should be supporting what my children want to do and not what I think they should be doing. Then they become more invested and have more fun. Sounds obvious, right?
Just take a simple and honest approach with your kids. Sit down together and pick out the activities that they really want to do.
Limit activities. A self-diagnosed overachiever, I always wanted my children to have the opportunity to try and excel at everything. But the thing is, in addition to all of the "doing," they need time to just be kids. Just like I need a night (or two) to sit and watch reality television, they also need a night to eat junk food and relax.
Try to limit your kids to one after-school activity held no more than three times a week. This may be a harder decision for you than for your kids. We tend to want our children to be involved in everything and learn every skill and hone every talent available. But they just can't do everything, and downtime is both precious and important.
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