As my son turns 13, I am slowly being introduced to the dreaded 'teen years'. I have heard from others that there are untold struggles ahead and have seen for myself how perfectly great pre-teens turn into brooding, rebellious teenagers who test all of your skills as a parent. My Mom says that the teen years are God's way of making you get ready to let go of your child, because at the end of these years, you want them out of your house. I don't know if I agree with this logic but am in search of some help for the upcoming years.
Studies show that the frontal cortex of the brain does not completely develop until a person is well into their twenties, sometimes early thirties. The brain of a teenager is a work in progress. The frontal lobe of the brain is the seat of what researchers call the "executive functions." It's the part of our brains that helps us to plan, control our impulses and reason. It's tempting to treat our teenagers as though they are capable of reasoning, making well thought out decisions, and controlling their impulses. But the truth is, they're not. Their brains are in a critical stage of development and they need you to help them through this part of their life. Instead of expecting them to act and think like an adult, expect them to be somewhat out-of-control and help them with it.
Teenagers deal with fear as a constant companion. Fear of the other kids, fear of fitting in, fear of their teachers, fear of being mocked or ridiculed...they don't need their parents adding to it. When they come home, their home should be their sanctuary away from these fears. A place where they feel safe and protected, where they find love and acceptance. When your child walks into a room, your countenance should light up with happiness to see them. Not with a jaded eye and questions of where they've been and what they've been up to. Unconditional love and acceptance is the greatest gift you can give them. One that will not only boost their confidence to face another day, but will also steer your relationship with them in a positive direction.
Remember what it was like when you were a teenager, multiply that by 10 and cut your teen some slack. At this crucial time in their lives, they're looking for someone to understand what they're going through. We all need understanding, but your teenager needs it a lot more than you can possibly imagine and he/she needs it to come from you. When they come home, stop what you're doing (no matter how important you think it is) and give them your undivided attention. Look them in the eye, discipline yourself to stay focused on them and what they're saying not on what you're going to say, and guard your response to them.
You don't have them for much longer so make sure you take advantage of this time with them and most important, don't give up on them!
For other resources for you teen, check out the My Out Of Control Teen Review or if you want help with men, check out the Secret Survey: The Truth About Men Review
