Childcare has always been a huge source of guilt for me. So much so that once, much to my embarrassment, I found myself pretending to be a stay-at-home mom.
It was one morning when Emily, my middle child, was not feeling well. I left work early to take her to the doctor, but on my way to pick her up, I did something crazy: I changed into jeans and tennis shoes.
I was only planning on being at the doctor's office for a few hours. Then, as long as she was doing better, I was going to return her to our nanny. So why would I take the time to change out of my business suit and put on a set of casual clothes?
Openly, I would tell people that I did it for comfort. Pantyhose, heels, and a suit will wear on any woman, especially while trying to lug around a baby carrier. But in truth, I did it because I wanted everyone to think well of me, that I was a "good and fully dedicated mom."
As I was making the quick change in the car, I called Scott on my cell. I told him what I was doing. Understandably, he thought I was going overboard. Of course he did, because--and I mean this in a loving way--my husband is a man.
If he rushes into a doctor's appointment in a suit, he is considered a wonderful and dedicated father--a man supporting his family and willing to take time out of his busy work schedule for his sick daughter. But if I rushed in and gave the impression that I was planning to return to a work environment immediately following Emily's doctor appointment, well, I suspected my dedication to my daughter would be called into question.
I could almost hear the statements coming from the pediatrician and supporting staff:
"You're going to go back to work while she isn't feeling well?"
"Maybe Emily wouldn't have gotten sick if she hadn't spent so much time in daycare."
"Are you sure you have a handle on all of her symptoms? You know, since she isn't with you all day?"
"We understand that you need to get back to work, but the antibiotics we are giving take at least 24 hours to work; you aren't just planning on bringing her back to daycare are you?"
So what did I do to avoid the above? I lied. Maybe I didn't really lie, but I certainly pretended.
The reality was that my doctor was not thinking that I was a horrible mom. He wasn't judging me--I was just wildly insecure. None of this was necessary, because I wasn't doing anything wrong. I had resorted to putting on a pair of jeans to fix my own confidence issues. I have come a long way since then. You will too.
Samantha Knowles is the author of Working Mom Reviews. Rapid Content Wizard Review - What you need to know, check out Rapid Content Wizard Review To learn tips about writing chick here Real Writing Jobs Review
