Ritual
What rituals do you have in your life? We all have them. Do you
always add cream and sugar to your cup before you pour in the
coffee? Do you never leave the house without making your bed? Do
you have a cup of tea before retiring? Do you always comb your
hair and freshen your lipstick before going into a meeting? Do
you brush after every meal? Rituals. Of course trimming the tree
as a family; turkey on Thanksgiving, red flowers on Valentine’s
Day are more noticeable rituals. We all have them – big and
small. Rituals. Rituals are important in our lives. They give us
unity, consistency, harmony, connectedness. As the world becomes
a more stressful, chaotic, disconnected place ritual can bring
us back to ourselves and our families. We can create less
stress, more communion, more harmony in our lives by creating
our own rituals. Big or small. Rituals. I have a “writing
ritual”. When I get up and am ready to write I make a cup of tea
(Equal goes in the cup first), I go into my office and turn on
my little desk fountain, light candles, turn on some quiet
music, sit in my big chair, pick two Angel and one Goddess
cards, and select my colored pen for the day. I then write five
items in my gratitude journal, read a daily meditation and begin
my journal. I usually begin by writing down my Angel and Goddess
cards and what those words mean to me today. Then I’m usually
off and running. Other writers have other rituals. But this
ritual relaxes me, it reassures me, and it gets me started. I
feel grounded and nurtured by doing this. Ritual: a ceremonial
act or actions; a customarily repeated act or set of acts.
Rituals are soothing . . . something we can depend on. For women
with harried, hectic lives a few minutes of a daily ritual can
be a few minutes that unravels and unwinds. A ritual can be
anything you desire . . . from meditation to washing and
creaming your face. You already do rituals . . . notice them . .
. slow them down . . . breathe while you do them . . . enjoy!
And create new ones. You don’t meditate? Get up fifteen minutes
earlier and start. You don’t wash and cream your face at night?
Buy some wonderful soap and moisturizer, get a pretty towel, and
start. You’ll not only feel better, you’ll look better. In the
movie Soul Food they had a ritual of Sunday Family Dinner. Lots
of families used to have that, but busy schedules have all but
eliminated it. In Soul Food, after the mother died, so did the
ritual, and the family fell apart. To reunite the family they
recreated the ritual – and it worked. Personal rituals, family
rituals, public rituals . . . we need them for stability and
relatedness. Church is a ritual . . . so is Super Bowl. We like
rituals! And it is a place we can be creative. Create what feels
good for you and yours. Rituals can change. For years I threw a
“Chili Bowl” party on Super Bowl Sunday. I made a ton of chili
and had “the gang” over and we watched the game. It was fun. But
as my friends began having kids and my first marriage ended it
wasn’t a ritual I wanted to continue. After I remarried I began
a different ritual. My honey and I have super sex – then we
watch the Super Bowl – just the two of us. It works! And its fun
too! Rituals will change as people and families change. Easter
egg hunts go by the way-side as children grow (although my adult
daughter still expects a chocolate bunny each year! Rituals!)
Most recently we’ve decided to “re-ritual” Christmas. We are a
small family: my husband, daughter, bonus son, my mother, and
myself. In the past we have had Christmas Eve dinner, sat around
and talked, gotten up early on Christmas morning, opened gifts,
had breakfast, cooked a turkey, had dinner . . . the whole day
was kind of anti-climatic . . .and long . . . and way too food
oriented. This year my daughter suggested we do it differently
next year. Have turkey on Christmas Eve, open the gifts, sleep
late the next morning, have breakfast, and then just hang out -
go to a movie, rent a movie, visit friends, what ever – NO
EXPECTATIONS – so next year we will try something new. How about
you . . . what ritual can you re-define, revise, rediscover, or
re-create to give meaning and harmony to your day or week? Try
it. Ritual. Ritual, however, is not the same as RUT! Notice if
you are actually performing a ritual (it’s soothing, creative,
meaningful) . . . or are you in a rut? (Non-thinking, zoned-out,
meaningless.) If it is a rut – DO SOMETHING DIFFERENT! We get in
a rut when we always do things in the same way. Drive to work
the same route every day (who cares if it is the shortest or the
fastest?) You always use the same meatloaf recipe, you make love
because it is the day you always make love; you do Christmas a
certain way because you always have. That is a rut. If it
doesn’t cause delight, discovery or desirability – it is a rut -
not ritual – CHANGE IT!