There are few things that can be as defeating as the feeling that another woman is better than you, or that she might take what is rightfully yours, just because she seems to have a few advantages…
First, I want to tell you that it’s OK that you have that feeling.
It’s not evil, or wrong. I’d have to search far and wide to find a woman who (if she was totally honest with herself) hasn’t ever felt sad or upset over the thought that another woman is better than she is – and may take a man away from her.
CLICK Here to Learn How to Become the World’s Most Attractive & Feminine Goddess (Even if you have no self esteem or no man has ever paid you any attention…)
The first step to successfully competing with another woman for a man is to focus on offering him the gift of your feminine radiance.
Related: What Exactly IS Feminine Radiance & Why You Need It As A Woman.
Why would you want to focus on offer your feminine radiance?
Well, firstly it would be for your own sanity. It’s never nice as a woman to have to compete with another woman for a man’s affection, love and commitment.
Competition doesn’t really serve or enrich your feminine soul – the feminine thrives on praise, whilst the masculine thrives on challenge.
This means that when you compete with another woman for a man, you’re going to be engaging your masculine energy somewhat, and there’s nothing wrong with that – it’s necessary to get the job done.
Regardless, you need to nurture your feminine in order to actually win the man as well!
A man is not going to perceive much value in you for a relationship if you’re always in your masculine.
So this is the first step. Plus, no woman who is feminine at her core is truly happy unless she is giving her feminine gift to the world.
All of us, man or woman, want to give our feminine or masculine gifts, and if we ever feel as though we cannot do this, it dampens our spirits, defeats us and it can be crippling.
One of the best gifts of femininity is radiance.
Radiance encompasses the following things:
Having deeper radiance as a woman makes you more competitive for the best men in the dating pool. Because as my husband D.Shen once said:
“Radiance is for a woman what confidence is for a man.”
True radiance is not something many women currently have, as this modern society causes many women to lose their natural radiance through work, pressure to chase masculine hobbies or ambitions, being overwhelmed by too many responsibilities, and being fed with BS from trashy media.
The overwhelming feeling among many women is that they are not enough, and it’s just not possible to be truly radiant when you feel this way.
It’s a big encumbrance. When you feel like you are not enough, it’s easy, and very possible, for you to start feeling upset or defeated over your perception that another woman has everything you don’t, at every little external trigger.
Then you become a walking, gaping sore. The slightest trigger and you succumb to the feeling of low self worth.
Fact: Most women do not live day to day in their feminine energy. Are you? Answer the next 9 questions and discover exactly how much you are living in your feminine core...
1. Which of these comments make me feel the most alive?
"How would you like to travel around the world?"
"OMG You’re looking amazing in that outfit."
"I bet you can't figure out fit 2 cheeseburgers in your mouth"
"None of these"
2. In a high pressured situation, my natural instinct is to...
"Eliminate distractions whilst tunnel vision sets in."
"Create comfort by speaking to friends or eating something."
"Avoid the situation or feel depressed about it."
"None of these."
3. In the bedroom, i prefer someone who is...
"Bigger than me physically"
"Smaller than me physically"
"Same size as me physically"
"I have little or no preference"
4. If I’m in a supermarket, and I can’t find something…
"I politely ask the first shop assistant I spot"
"I walk up and down the isles until I find it"
"Don't care, whatever is most convenient"
"None of these."
5. If i had a deadline for a project in a month, I tend to...
"Start now and get most of it done so I don't stress later"
"Pressure is good, I'd rather start closer to the deadline"
"Plan out week by week what I need to do"
"I have no idea..."
6. When I am cooking, I can also carry on a conversation over the phone...
"Very easily, I can probably juggle at the same time."
"It's not easy, but I can manage if I really focus"
"no chance... one thing at a time for me"
"I don't know..."
7. Which of the following describes the kind of intimate partners you’ve had in the past...
"My partners have tended to assume they are right about everything"
"They tell me that they think I always think I’m right about everything"
"Things tend to go smoothly with my past partners"
"I'm not too sure..."
8. It would hurt me more if my intimate partner were to say to me:
"You are looking tired and run down lately"
"You seem to be losing your drive and your direction."
"You really treat men differently than you treat women"
"None of these"
9. In my ultimate dream world, I would rather…
"Trust and follow my own direction"
"Trust and follow my lover’s direction"
"We should both follow our own unique directions"
"I don't actually know..."
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Most women deal with the feeling that they are not enough by acting pitiful.
We do things like trying to control our man, we act and feel inferior (almost as if our existence is not meant to be).
We bitch about (or actively try to destroy) other women who are a ‘threat’, making the people around us suffer by doing depression.
Ultimately, women try to deal with their insecurity in low value ways by:
Men don’t perceive actual value in these things. They are simply things that women do in order to avoid feeling like they are ‘not enough’.
Remember that.
If you’re competing with another woman for a man, you should try to remember that to win him, you have to add real value to him and his life. That’s where the real answer lies.
But a lot of women don’t see this…they focus too hard on ‘the other woman’ and what she has, what she is doing, and how she’s trying to ‘one up’ them.
Don’t put your focus there!
While you think your competition is that woman over there; your real competition is actually just hopelessness.
A sense of feeling un-empowered, defeated and thinking that you have no control or power over the situation.
Your competition really is not Jan, Hannah, Sarah, or Miss stuck-up. It’s hopelessness. It’s passiveness. It’s choosing the low value mindset of mediocrity.
Mediocrity is what many people settle for, out of fear and desire for comfort.
Your focus should be on becoming a woman of value to men and to the people you love. Instead, you should trade in your low value mindset for a high value mindset. We can show you how to do this in our program High Value Mindsets.
(The promise of this program is to give you the ability to “trade in” your anxiety and insecurities for self esteem, self worth and intrinsic confidence, so that no one will ever take you for granted & high value men will recognise you as an indispensable “keeper”.)
Stop comparing yourself to every other woman whom you may think is prettier, higher status, smarter, or who has a better body, and start putting in the time and effort towards the goals that really matter.
(Not everything that causes envy or jealousy inside you is worth competing for! You have to be sure that the goal is worth the energy.)
Always comparing yourself to other people’s lives and achievements is a good way to get connection with yourself, and to feel sorry for yourself.
The secret to beating female ‘competition’ is knowing that the competition is not them; it’s your negative thought patterns that lead to a sense of hopelessness. This is why it’s important you have high standards.
Most people try to feel certain and avoid disappointment by feeling as though they could never ‘compare’.
Rather the devil you know than the devil you don’t know, as the saying goes.
(They do this by feeling as though a good life, a good boyfriend, a good family, is beyond them.)
Want an exercise in futility? Then you can think that way. You could never ever feel empowered by doing this. You could never ever feel great about yourself.
Take your focus off the other woman. It will sap your energy and your dignity.
Face it:
There will always be some things, traits or achievements that ‘she’ has that you don’t have. And there will always be traits and achievements that you have, that she cannot replicate.
So, if your goal is to win the man, then focus on him and add real value to his life. Don’t focus on her!
You are playing a game you cannot win. To ‘compare’ yourself to Miss A or B is to drive yourself to a dead end. There’s no way you can ever win. Ever.
It’s just an illusion.
So, know that no matter how great you are, there’s always going to be someone prettier, hotter, taller, younger, older, smarter, having a better career, or having higher status.
As you read this sentence, another 2 dozen babies are born into this world, younger than you. You can’t ever ‘compare’.
And for those of you (which is all of us) who have ever compared yourself to someone whom you considered to be ‘lower’ than you, uglier than you, fatter than you, less intelligent than you – know that the high you get from this is ephemeral.
The key is to focus on what you can do, and what you can control. You can always contribute more, give more, love more, live more and be more. And that makes you ultimately worthy.
Work daily to become better than you were yesterday.
Speaking of working to become the better you, click here to visit the list of our programs.
What do you think about this post? Do you think women are too competitive?
Have you had any bad experiences with competitive women you can tell us about? Do you often find yourself comparing yourself to other women?
By the way, I’ve just published my brand new program titled “Becoming His One & Only!”…Click HERE to find out more details and how you can get your man to fall deeper in love with you and beg you to be his one and only.
P.S. CLICK HERE to check out my full article archives! Or you may greatly benefit from one of our highly popular paid programs, CLICK HERE to see what we offer right now.
If you want to be supported by a warm community of high value feminine women, then join our Facebook Group. (It’s free and so incredibly valuable!) CLICK HERE TO join thousands of other women in our “High Value Feminine Women” Community.
By the way, while you’re at it, connect with me on social media.
P.S. CLICK HERE to check out my full article archives! Or you may greatly benefit from one of our highly popular paid programs, CLICK HERE to see what we offer right now.
If you want to be supported by a warm community of high value feminine women, then join our Facebook Group. (It’s free and so incredibly valuable!) CLICK HERE TO join thousands of other women in our “High Value Feminine Women” Community.
By the way, while you’re at it, connect with me on social media.
Renee is the founder of The Feminine Woman & co-founder of Shen Wade Media where we teach women how to show up as a high value high status woman whom easily inspires a deep sense of emotional commitment from her chosen man. She graduated with a bachelor of Law and bachelor of Arts majoring in sociology and psychology. She has been a dating and relationship coach for women in the past 15 years and together with her husband D. Shen at Commitment Triggers blog, they have positively influenced the lives of over 20 million women through their articles and videos as well as 10’s of thousands through paid programs through the Shen Wade Media platform.
Connect deeper with her work through the social media links below.