There’s a growing trend of a social phenomenon known as “LAT” (living apart together), where couples, married or unmarried, choose to live separately. Reasons for choosing to live this way vary, and each person’s love language is different. The most important thing to remember is that both of you are happy and agree with whatever choice you make. But experts noticed that a lifelong partnership is no longer a very common desire, according to a study.
Bright Side wanted to understand why this type of relationship is preferred by many, and we’re sure you’ll find our bonus at the end very interesting.
They have an increased sense of autonomy, which gives them the so-called “space to breathe.” They have their own living spaces and do what they want while still having a relationship of intimacy with a partner whenever they both agree.
“You are not together by default. To spend time together, you have to both agree to it, and you typically have an activity planned, whether it’s a museum date, cooking, or watching your favorite Netflix show. There is very little talk about housework, chores, or the mundane trivialities of everyday living. And obviously, there are no fights about them. There’s no need to compromise on how you use the living space. If you want to throw a party, have friends over, or hang up art, you can just do it.”
Some think it’s “too early” in the relationship to move in, one study shows. Some partners might have a fear of making the commitment of sharing their living space with another human being. And this can happen because of bad experiences from the past.
They’re restricted because of independent reasons, like one of the partners’ jobs or studies. When we talk about younger couples, living apart is often due to financial reasons as well. However, a study showed that in Eastern Europe, a LAT partnership is more common among cultured, highly-educated couples. They see it as an alternative living arrangement to the traditional marriage norm.
A great percentage of people that choose LAT consists of older couples that decide, after many years together, to give themselves space. Or perhaps they’re in a situation where they’re starting a new relationship after they’ve ended a long marriage. They want an intimate companionship, but at the same time, want to keep their own homes, their own social circles, and habitual activities — in addition to their finances.
This way of living is often preferred by people who were married before, had unhappy marriages, and/or have children from previous relationships. They don’t want to be tied down by a new partner again, and a bit of a distance is more suitable. They actually can spend more quality time together than if they were living in the same household.
Some celebrities have also embraced this way of living. Helena Bonham Carter and Tim Burton lived separately for 13 years in 2 different houses of a conjoined property in London. Gwyneth Paltrow and her husband, Brad Falchuck, got married in 2018, but for one year, they stayed apart. In 2019, they eventually announced that they were moving in together. Another star who adopted this lifestyle for a while was Kaley Cuoco along with her husband, Karl Cook.
What do you think of these couples that are loving together but living apart? Are you part of a LAT relationship?