QuestionI am 20 weeks pregnant with my 3rd child and I am concerned about sibling rivalry. My oldest is 4 and my current youngest is 1. How should I prepare them for a new baby?
AnswerIf you haven't already, go ahead and tell them about the impending arrival. Get them involved in the pregnancy. Tell them the baby's name, if you have it picked out, and the sex, if you know. Let them come to prenatals with you, at least one or two, so they can hear the baby's heartbeat and get your doctor or midwife to explain how the baby is positioned in your tummy. Let them hug the baby and feel the baby kick when it is big enough. Get the baby gear set up, the crib and the stroller and anything else you will be using immediately, and make sure to tell them that this is for the baby. Let them try it out, if they're not too heavy.
All of this will gradually help establish to them that this is another person, and they will look forward to the birth as eagerly as you do, because they will want to meet this little person they have been talking to and playing with for so long. You could have them pick out gifts for their new sibling to give after the birth (have some gifts ready from the baby, too!). Don't be afraid to let them touch and hug the baby, or even hold it with lots of help. Let them help in baby care, too, bringing you diapers or burp rags when you need them. If you are nursing your one-year-old, continuing to tandem nurse helps develop the bond between siblings as well.
Most of all, expect no problems. If you are anxious about it, your children will pick up on that, and they will begin to think there is something to be upset about. But if you are matter-of-fact and joyous about the whole thing, and expect that attitude from them, they will echo your feelings.
