Infertility is what occurs when a couple tries to have a baby, but are unable to do so. One year is the time line given by most doctors for conception. If no baby is conceived within the year time period, the couple is usually diagnosed as having fertility problems.
Many causes make it hard to have a baby at the time the couple desires. Health problems in both men and women can be a problem. Even if it's no ones fault if it's health related, couples can still suffer a whirlwind of emotions.
Dealing with grief is the same as the emotions a couple deals with when having trouble conceiving. The first stage would be denial or shock. Both or one of them may not see or accept the situation as real.
Part of this stage is when even after a second or third opinion, they would still question the doctor's verdict. Anger is the second stage. This anger is a result of feeling hopes or expectations have been crushed.
The anger might be for one another, for the diagnosis or for life in general. Bargaining or guilt is the next stage. This is the internal dialogue that begins with thoughts like, "If only I'd done this or not done that."
The fourth stage of emotion is depression. You feel all alone and believe no one can understand how you feel. Getting out of bed is hard and you don't even feel pleasure in the things you used to like.
The last stage is acceptance. It's at this stage that most couples sit down and begin to cope with their circumstances. They decide to undergo treatment or take other routes to have a child.
How you and your partner deal with the condition is a personal decision. You may be afraid to discuss it because of the pain involved but talking about it can help.
When it comes to handling the subject around you, it's better to talk to your family and friends about it. People mean well but a thoughtless remark can upset or discourage. Sometimes friends and family just don't know what to day to a couple going through a difficult time like this.
Your loved ones may withdraw because of the uncomfortable feeling and so you're left even more isolated. If it's okay for them to talk about it around you, tell them, if you'd prefer not to hear any remarks or advice about fertility, let them know and ask them to respect your privacy. They want to support you, let them know which way is best to offer that support.
It's easy to take grief inward and close yourself off emotionally even to the one facing the problem with you. Staying tuned in as a couple and working together through the stages is what you need to do.
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