"Just wait 'til your dad gets home!" I used to say. "Ask your dad if you can stay up till midnight." Or, "He's going to be mad if you spoil your dinner with ice cream!"
I can think of more than a few times when Megan and Emily left their bedrooms a nightmare with clothes and toys spewing everywhere. I wanted to punish them, but the softy in me didn't want to be viewed as the bad guy. So, I let Scott deliver the bad news.
This wasn't fair and, more importantly, it undermined my role as mother and copartner. Don't promote an unequal partnership. Your actions and reactions are exactly as important as your spouse so don't undermine your own authority.It is time to honestly ask yourself: are you comfortable letting Dad take on many of the decisions you previously tackled alone?
To begin dual-parenting, we must release our hold on some of the decisions we make every day. Think through your list of what I like to call "Mommy calls" and consider if you can transition them to "parenting calls."
As an example, can Dad make the decision for a sleepover without your input? How about scheduling birthday parties, or going shopping for back to school supplies or Halloween costumes? Think about what you normally take on, and ask yourself if you can allow your partner to help with these tasks more evenly. The benefits far out-weigh the trade as you get a real partner and the kids get an involved, hands-on Dad.
And remember to brag! Everyone loves compliments. If your partner is a real equal partner--tell him and everyone else who will listen. Boast to the women at the park. Praise your husband's parenting skills in front of his male friends. Be the example to the masses.
Present a united front.Last Saturday, after I turned down Parker's desperate plea at Target for yet another Nerf gun (I swear we have a greater variety than Toys R Us), he unsurprisingly approached his dad and asked if he could speak with him "privately" in the kitchen. Keep in mind that Parker is four years old. Alas, negotiating skills begin early!
Scott of course had no idea I had already denied Parker. So when he agreed to pick one up for him later that day for doing a good job cleaning his room, he unknowingly created a problem: good parent (Dad) versus bad parent (Mom).
This was certainly an impressive accomplishment by Parker, but also a good opportunity for us to show our unified front in parenting.
As you might expect, we circled back to Parker and let him know that when Mom says "no," there is no point in asking the same question to Dad. In fact, bad things happen when we do this. We returned the Nerf gun, which was very disappointing to Parker, but a victory for our parenting partnership.
Kids will be kids. Sometimes I think my little ones were put on this earth to test my limits, but I know I was made a parent in order to guide them in the right direction. If you and your companion cannot be a united front, your children will feel it, know it, and they will conquer you.
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