As a working mother with three boys, we are on the brink of entering the teen years. I am scared. A few of my friends are currently dealing with teens and I have heard plenty of horror stories. In an effort to minimize the damage done during these critical years, I have done a bit of research on how to handle teens.
Adolescence describes the teenage years between 13 and 19 and can be considered the transitional stage from childhood to adulthood. However, the physical and psychological changes that occur in adolescence can start earlier, during the preteen years (ages 9-12). Adolescence can be a time of both disorientation and discovery. The transitional period can bring up issues of independence and self-identity. Sometimes adolescents may be experimenting with drugs and alcohol or sexuality. During this time, peer groups and external appearance tend to increase in importance.
It is important to anticipate the upcoming changes and try to prepare for them in the right way, so you don't make mistakes in handling your teen. Remember, you only have one shot at this. The first stage of adolencence is to let go of childhood. Personal disorganization increases as more messiness, forgetfulness, distractability, inattention, and losing things begins. Now the self-management structure that fit childhood becomes inadequate to effectively cope with the more psychologicaly and socially complex adolescent eperience. A negative attitude--increased dissatisfaction from no longer being content to be defined and be treated as a child, less interested in traditional childhood activities and more boredom and restlessness from not knowing what to do, carrying a grievance about unfair demands and limits on personal freedom that adults in life impose. Early experimentation--testing limits to see what can be gotten away with, including such activities as shoplifting, vandalizing, prank calls, and the beginning of substance experimentation. For parents, this stage is when behavior seems to undergo a change for the worse, so your challenge is to insist on responsible behavior.
The next step is forming a family of friends (mid adolescence from ages 13-15) There may be more intense conflict over social freedom with parents, particularly the freedom to be with friends. More lying to escape consequences from wrongdoing or to get to do what has been forbidden. (More deceptive communication with parents.) More peer pressure to go along with adventures and risk taking in order to belong, including more pressure to use substances to be accepted. For parents, this stage is when the young person has become ruled by the need for immediate gratification and social belonging with peers, so their challenge is to take hard stands for his best interests against what the young person wants, generating more conflict in the process.
The third stage is when your teen starts acting more grown up (around ages 15-18). You teen will want more independence from doing grown-up activities--part time employment, driving a car, dating, sexual experience and recreational substance use at social gatherings. More significant emotional (and often sexual) involvement in romantic relationships. More grief over the graduation separation from old friends (and perhaps leaving family) and more anxiety at the unreadiness to undertake more worldly independence. For parents, this stage is when the young person pushes for adult freedoms that can be dangerous to manage, so their challenge is to insist on continued communication and responsibility.
For other parenting tools, check out My Out Of Control Teen Review or for another great tool, check out the Secret Survey: The Truth About Men Review
