You act or react to people based on how you perceive them. Those
perceptions are influenced by your perceptual styles: Audio,
Feeler, Visual, and Wholistic. The style with the highest score
influences how you listen and communicate the most. For
instance, when you speak to an Audio, you need to collect your
thoughts so you can get to the point as quickly as possible. If
you ramble, he will tune you out or interrupt you by asking you
to get to the point. When you speak to a Visual, you need to
show him what you are talking about or speak in descriptive
terms so he can visualize what you are talking about. He needs
to visualize each step or part of the picture you are describing
to understand. If you bombard him with too much information
upfront, he will give you a blank stare because it put him on
information overload, leading to frustration for both you and
him. When you speak to a Feeler, it’s your tone of voice that he
hears and remembers. If you start accusing him that he never
listens, he will immediately feel uncomfortable because he wants
to please you and obviously you are displeased. He might not
listen because you are an Audio who can easily blurt out your
feelings, often loudly or maybe in a sarcastic voice. The
loudness or tone of voice intimidates the Feeler so he may
withdraw with hurt feelings. When you speak to a Wholistic, it’s
best to get to the point quickly or he might cut you off and
finish your sentence because he thinks he knows what you are
going to say. Often he’s right but when he’s not, you need to
explain that, no, that wasn’t what you were going to say and to
please not interrupt. What are your and his styles? In the
following table, rank each of the perceptual styles from 1 – 5
for each “action” area. For instance, if the description for
Wholistic describes you the most, enter a “5″ in the “Me” box.
If the Audio description fits you the least, enter a “1″ in that
box and so forth. Then rank each of the Four Perceptions as to
how you perceive they describe him.
ActionsMeHimMeHimMeHimMeHim How you…Audio FeelerVisualWholistic
Communicate:In direct manner with few details. Get to the bottom
line. May inter-rupt with “and the point is…?”Through touching.
Describe feelings involved. Need details explained – don’t want
to make a mistake.With expressive eyes. Prefer “show” over
“tell.” Speak in descriptive detail. Like to talk, act out
stories.Persuasively. Think out loud–talk to your-self. May
interrupt a person and finish the sentence. How you…Audio
FeelerVisualWholistic See and listen:Through your ears. Can
concentrate better if you turn your ear toward the speaker and
take notes.Through your feelings. Absorb feelings behind words.
What they say is not as important as how they say it. With your
eyes–eye contact important. No-tice “what’s wrong” with the
picture or scene. Can hear/feel/see what others are expressing.
Quickly perceive the whole picture–may jump to conclusions. How
you…Audio FeelerVisualWholistic Learn:By thinking through ideas
and facts until you understand. By doing and practicing until
it’s done correctly.By looking at illustra-tions, step-by-step
pic-tures, demonstrations.By identifying the “gist” of
something, then trying it out. How you…Audio
FeelerVisualWholistic Approach sex and romance:Foreplay not very
important. May lack passion, sex may be mostly mechanical.
Afterward, might ask if it was “good.” Foreplay is everything:
cuddling, flirting, laughter, gentle wordsWant to feel
cherishedA sharp, ugly word will ruin it.Setting the scene,
romantic foreplay, may be more important than the final act.
It’s “making love” rather than just sex.Creative, passionate
lovers. Like to be flexible, according to the mood. Like
spontaneous sex ReactionsMeHimMeHimMeHimMeHim Your initial…Audio
FeelerVisualWholistic You’re your hot button is pushed, your
initial reaction is driven by:ANGER: shown asimpatience,
sarcasm, explosive temper, take suggestions as criti-cisms,
exert pressure but can’t take it–”get off my back.”INDIGNATION:
get stuck emotionally – can’t let go, martyr, vacillate between
blaming others and feeling guilty, feel unappreciated,
cry.FRUSTRATION: feel justified to point out faults of others if
dis-appointed, easily hurt by criticism, self-critical–withdraw,
use the “silent treatment.”RESENTMENT: be-come moody, irritable,
impose your opinion, meddlesome/manipu-lative, point out other’s
defects to justify your own behavior. MeHimMeHimMeHimMeHim Total
Scores:Audio FeelerVisualWholistic
The highest score is your primary perception, which has the
strongest influence on how you respond to other people’s actions
or reactions. If you want him to listen, change how you approach
him based on his style. Finally, to get him to remember what you
tell him, it needs to be important to him – how does this
information affect him? If it’s simply information, he might not
remember to pick up the laundry. But if it’s the suit he is
going to wear to the party that night, be sure to express that.
Otherwise, he needs reminder notes just like we do.