1. Women have learned and are in the habit of being driven by
the approval of others. Most women allow the expectations of
others to define them and therefore making the approval of
others is responsible for their happiness. This pattern gives
others’ the power to make and take your happiness at any time.
Approval seeking steals your happiness and doesn’t allow you to
ever get to know yourself, your wants, your desires, or your
needs. A total disconnect. Thus an up and down roller-coaster of
emotions. Not a pleasant way to live.
2. Women their achievements define their value. This belief
causes several problems. When you believe that you are defined
by your achievements, you are unable to feel good about yourself
or have strong self-esteem unless you are accomplishing or
producing which does not allow for down time, relaxation or free
creativity. There is no room for you to just be… you. You
identify yourself as results. This way of living allows for
little or no joy, peace, or contentment because you are always
looking for the next way to achieve. This is very different from
healthy goal setting. Attaching your value to your achievements
will ensure that you will not exit your emotional roller-coaster.
3. Women believe their children define them. Holding this belief
can be very damaging for the parent and the child. When parents
(unconsciously) hold the belief that their children define them
or give them value, they will act in a way that pressures kids
to perform at a standard they cannot match up to. Or parents try
to force kids to have goals that the parent thinks is best and
disregard what the kid or teen wants. Parents with this belief
tie their sense of purpose to their children’s results or who
they become. This will steal your child’s own sense of worth
because he/she will only feel good about themselves when they
meet your standards and expectations. And quite frankly this is
not the unconditional love your child deserves. This is pushing
your own agenda on your kids. Children, teens, and young adults
need some (increasing as they age) space to figure out what they
want and what is important to them! Discover your own identity
and allow your children to do the same. Anything else will push
your children away emotionally as they grow up. If you depend on
your children’s results (or your perception of what these
results “should” be) you will stay on the emotional
roller-coaster!
4. Women believe that their husbands are supposed to make them
happy. Who of you thought when you got married (if you are
married), or perhaps moved in with a significant other, that,
“this person will make me so happy”? Or if you have experienced
a divorce or a break-up, you may have thought, “this person
makes me so unhappy”. I am simplifying a bit, but the principal
is true. The problem with this thinking is that if we allow
people to “make” us happy, then at any time that person can
“take” our happy. Only you are responsible for your happiness.
You must create or develop an inner knowing that you are
completely loveable, worthy, and valuable regardless of who is
or isn’t a part of our life!