Create Time To Share And Time On Your Own.
Establish time to spend together and time for yourself. Although
you need the time together to nurture your relationship, it is
important to have a good balance. You are not the Mini-Me of
each other. You each have your own values, interests and needs.
Make sure your couple time is about quality, not quantity. Set
up boundaries so the family and friends know that this is your
sacred time. Now, it’s time to shift focus on you. Having shared
perspectives and similar interests does not mean that you have
to participate in all activities together. Creating personal
time for yourself is important for your personal growth.
However, don’t use personal space as an excuse to not make time
for each other. It is imperative that you articulate to each
other the need for this time, so that no one feels neglected.
Be Patient with Each Other.
No one is perfect. It is important that you accept and love each
other, quirks and all. Your relationship is a shared territory.
It requires love, work and patience There is a learning curve in
relationships and for some the learning never stop. There is a
difference in how the two of you relate, interact and live. You
come to realize each others’ strengths and weaknesses. View each
other’s abilities and personality as a gift. Be more flexible in
your viewpoints. Work on win/win methods, so that no one has to
lose. It’s more important to understand and value each other’s
viewpoint, rather than trying to agree or disagree with it.
Respect Each Other
Respect each other’s values. Respect each other’s time. Respect
each other’s space. Respect each other’s privacy. Respect each
other’s weaknesses. Respect each other’s point of view. Respect
each other’s faith. Respect each other’s friends and family.
Respect each other’s job or career. Respect each other’s
culture. Respect each other’s sense of humor. Respect each
other’s character. Respect each other’s choices. Respect each
other’s belongings. Respect each other through love.
Highlight What’s Right
Highlighting what’s right builds up, rather than tears down.
Constant criticism diminishes self-esteem. This is why verbal
and emotional abuse can be so damaging. No one wants to start or
end their day with a laundry list of complaints. Take time to
appreciate what’s going right in the relationship. Make it a
habit of complimenting each other on something besides physical
appearance. Build up each other’s confidence. Point out
noteworthy or small tokens of appreciation. Take the time to
show gratitude. When people feel good, they want to share that
feeling with others.
Listen If we spoke less and listened more, it would eliminate
many of our communication problems. However, humans are
conditioned to listen with the intent to respond. When was the
last time you listened attentively to your significant other? Do
you listen and then try to solve a problem? Do you listen and
then offer advice? Do you listen and then criticize or belittle?
Do you listen and then self-reference? When you listen, it
builds trust. Your significant other feels understood and will
share more with you over time. The next time you see your
significant other in a contemplative state, tell them you’re
available to listen.
Let Go Of Emotional Baggage It’s time to unpack your emotional
baggage. You can not undo the past. Bringing past pain into a
present relationship is like mixing dirty clothes with laundered
clothes. The old emotions need to be resolved before you can be
yourself in your current relationship. Emotional baggage
contributes to insecurities, poor judgment, cynicism and
indecisiveness. Trying to protect your feelings will hinder your
freedom and growth. Think about why you continue to allow
yourself to suffer with this pain? Is there someone you need to
forgive? Are you carrying around resentment and guilt? Talk
about the situation with your significant other, so they can
have a better understanding of what you are going through. If
the pain is too unbearable, seek professional help together or
alone.