To maximize your chances of finding the right man for you, apply
your Emotional Intelligence (EQ).
Approach it with both your brain and your heart. It’s an
important decision that will affect the rest of your life.
Here’s the LOW EQ way to do it:
1.Choosing the obvious ones to avoid: addicts, child abusers,
chronic gamblers, felons, “boys”, etc. If you keep falling in
love with the wrong type of guy, you need help. Please seek it.
2.Choosing by sexual attraction alone. That’s a choice your
reptilian brain is making which is to say not a choice at all.
“Choosing” implies weighing alternatives and being rational. In
no area of your life do you want your reptilian brain in charge.
It doesn’t “think.” 3.Choosing by externals alone. It’s nice if
he’s handsome, but not if he’s just another pretty face. Are you
choosing a 37′ powerboat instead of a man who owns one? His face
will change; his toys may disappear. It’s “for better or for
worse,” not “for as long as he can buy me Fendi handbags.”
4.Rushing. Date him long enough to go through actual situations
that test what you can’t see and touch – his values, priorities,
manners, morals, and interests. At first you’ll go to drag
races, WFW matches and duck hunting just to be with him, right?
Do you really see yourself doing these things every weekend for
the rest of your life? By the same token, is he being nice to
your kids just to get to you? Is he willing to go shopping with
you and to art museums? Only time will tell.
5.Rushing. Give it time so he can sort out his feelings. Men
tend to go from desire to action without thinking in between.
This is why we see them make such poor choices in women, and
then do it again. You may be sure, but is he? 6.Rushing. You
need time because even a workaholic will give you attention 24/7
at first. Only 6 months down the line will you discover that
once he’s “got you,” he compartmentalizes you. Work comes first,
then his golf. He’ll summon you when it’s your turn.
7.Not checking out his attitude toward women. How does he treat
his mother? Your friends? His sister?
8.Trusting only your intellect. This means gathering facts,
listening to experts, not checking in with your intuition, and
listening to advice blindly.
Let’s say your best friend, who’s very perceptive, tells you
he’s a womanizer. I’d give that some weight, but I’d check it
out myself. It won’t be hard. Give it time, stay awake and
you’ll see.
Another example – You made the list of what you wanted. There he
is in front of you, lacking 3 of the 6 items on your list, but
you adore him. You really click. That’s a good time to go back
and rethink your list. You’re always entitled to change your
mind.
9. Trusting only your feelings. Come now, do you really think
you can make a life with someone who is (admittedly) darling and
sexy BUT hates your religion, has different morals and ethics
than you do, has already alienated your father, wants 6 kids
while you don’t want any, refuses to “let” you work, and has
already ordered you to get rid of your cat?
This is like allowing yourself to fall in love with a married
man. Just go stick an ice pick in your eyeball instead.
10.Misunderstanding the nature of feelings. Our emotions give us
information. They don’t demand behavior.
When I was a teenager I was dating a creep. My father told me I
had to quit seeing him. “But I love him,” I said. Said he: “Love
someone else.”
No, you can’t manufacture feelings, but neither must you obey
their call. They do not have to be acted upon. They can be
“taken under advisement” and thought through.