Eye Contact: Romantic Interest or Powerful Glance? by Kirstin
Carey
If you ask a child if she took a cookie from the cookie jar, how
will she respond if she is indeed guilty of stealing an Oreo? Of
course, she will avoid eye contact as she tells you that she was
nowhere near the forbidden dessert.
This is similar to the response you will get from an adult who
feels he has betrayed your confidence or has bad news to tell.
People in Western Culture who don’t make eye contact are viewed
as untrustworthy, unbelievable, or unsure. Confident people make
solid eye contact.
Be careful, however, not to overpower a shy person with too much
eye contact. If you feel that you are conversing with an unsure
or overly shy person, don’t stare at them too much in an attempt
to make eye contact. You don’t want to overwhelm them.
Too much eye contact may also be viewed as a romantic interest.
I recently presented a speech to an organization of executive
women. One audience member, a tall, attractive, confident woman
asked several questions about warding off unwanted romantic
advances. Her eye contact was powerful and deep, and she held
her eye contact longer than most people.
Studies of how people play the “flirting game” found that eye
contact was the number one tool used (knowingly or not) when
trying to attract a partner. The longer the eye contact was
held, the strong each person felt the attraction was. So, like
the woman in my audience, if you find that you are receiving too
many unwanted romantic advances, you may want to reevaluate your
use of eye contact. You could be sending out signals you didn’t
know you were sending.
So, the moral of the story here is to find a good balance of eye
contact and understand the power of eye contact. Send the
message you want to send and make sure you use the power wisely!